APPROACHING YOUR ABUSER
Taking the decision to approach your abuser will not be easy. It is advisable that you talk this through with a therapist or at least a very close friend. If you don't have a confidant then we recommend that you do not approach the perpetrator of your abuse.
There are a number of reasons why you feel you should contact your abuser:
- telling him/her how you felt and how you feel now is an important part of the disclosure phase
- Speaking with the person may help you to understand how and why the abuse occurred
- you may be able to alleviate your fears that others were or are currently being abused
- you may be interested in turning make the clock and establishing a normal healthy relationship with your abuser.
All of these reasons can be positive and will help to reinforce the fact that you were not responsible for the trauma that they may have caused you.
If after reading the information contained within this website you feel you are ready, then you must prepare yourself for this part of the journey. Here are a couple of stages to go through;
Make a list of everything you want to say to your abuser.
It is strongly recommended that you always take a friend with you, even if they wait in the car. Meet in home territory or if you are uncomfortable with this then meet in neutral territory, somewhere you can talk openly but also somewhere you feel safe.
It isn't always necessary to confront your abuser in person. You can still do it symbolically by writing a letter that you never send, role playing etc.
If your abuser is unavailable then there are still exercises you can do to help alleviate some of your frustrations. Try the exercises in "starting a journal".