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Will it ever end? Yes and no! If you mean will the memories stop, will the effects be conquered, will I be free from the abusers and the past and be able to live a healthy, functional life, then I say a big, YES! As long as you continue facing your past and changing those areas of your life that need changing, and allowing the grieving process to go the entire distance, you will come to a place of acceptance and find yourself free of the control your past has had on your life. But, if you are asking will I ever get to a place where I won't have any more issues to work on, then I'd have to say, NO! Because we live in a world of people who have a free will and can use that free will to hurt others, we will most likely always have new issues to face and deal with, and it won't always be easy. Life is full of tragedy. I personally don't believe being sexually abused is the worst thing that can happen to me that I have to recover from. I can think of many worse things...my own child or grandchild being sexually abused, or worse being murdered... the death of my spouse or children or others close to me... becoming a quadriplegic myself or it happening to someone in my family. For me, any of these would be worse, and if I live long enough, I will probably have to face some tragedy that will grieve me deeply and I'll have to face it and make the necessarily changes in my life just as I've had to do in my abuse recovery. But we have the ability to recover whatever comes our way and there are people here that can help us if we will allow them to. I want to leave you with something that has helped me through recovery, and still helps me because I know there are still areas I need to change in and still issues I will no doubt have to face at some point... If we have a negative outlook about recovery, that is probably how you will see it throughout the years and it will make going to groups, or counseling appointments, or journaling your feelings a drudgery, and you probably won't see it through to completion. But if you can see recovery as a positive in your life and begin to look forward to what new insights will come your way next week when you go to counseling or group, or as you take some time to journal, that will do a lot to smooth the path before you and assure you will continue on. It's like a big puzzle, and each insight you gain, each memory you receive, each dot you connect, is one more piece to the puzzle of your life. I also like to think of it as an investigation. We are investigating and uncovering our past to shed light on our current problems so that we can get the right weapons (or skills and tools) needed to conquer those problems. The other way I see it is that abuse is like a cancer. The longer it is allowed to stay in our body, the more likely it is to spread throughout, making recovery that much more difficult. And when the surgeon goes in, sometimes he gets it all, sometimes he can't. Then other means are used, like chemotherapy, which is a painful, long, fatiguing ordeal, or radiation. The more it has spread, the less our chances of a complete recovery. But when he is operating on us, we don't want him to stop till he has gotten all he can possibly get. He may even have to go back in and do more later. If he left some cancer in our bodies, then we may feel better for awhile, but it's still there and will affect another part of our bodies soon. Abuse recovery is like that. The more we can allow our counselor to help us expose all the infected areas, and the more we cooperate by going through the pain of exposure and emotional surgery, so to speak, the better the outcome. So hang in there. Keep working with your supporters and counselor and believe me, you will get better and you will never regret the time, money, and energy you spent getting there. |
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