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These are just a few questions you may want to think about if you are in the decision process about entering or not entering therapy or a support group. If you answered yes to the first three and no to the last two, then you have before you a major reason to take a look at your past, with help, and face whatever is there. Some people believe erroneously that we get some pleasure out of rehashing the past and bringing up old issues that we should just keep buried. Others believe bringing it up only causes more pain and heartache. So what do we do? Many of us who were abused in childhood live in what we call 'denial'. That means that we either don't remember what happened on a conscious level, or we remember but believe it was no big deal, that it was 'only me', or that it happened so long ago it makes no difference now. But denial is deadly. Denial is what allows others, and even our own children to also become victims, often by the same perpetrators. Denial is what allows us to 'know' something may be going on, but we never check it out. Or it causes us to ignore the cries of other victims or even to lash out at them, calling them liars, troublemakers, or blaming the abuse on them. Denial keeps the cycle of abuse going. Denial keeps us from really seeing the damage abuse causes in our own lives and in the lives of others. I was one of those who didn't see the damage in my life, although I knew I had been repeatedly abused and raped. Some others saw it, but not me. I knew I had problems, but didn't understand why. Once I saw the correlation between sexual abuse and my symptoms, the journey toward healing began. The denial didn't just disappear. I still had much work to do to stop minimizing what happened to me, to stop blaming myself for what happened, to end the shame, begin trusting others, and making other changes in my life that resulted from my old coping mechanisms. |
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