JOURNEY
TO HAPPINESS
Forward
by Cheryl:
This letter was sent to me by
Hi Cheryl,
My name is
Sincerely,
My Response Letter
Dearest
Sharon,
Hi,
it’s Cheryl. Long ago, you wrote to me requesting suggestions regarding your
abuse. I apologize for not replying sooner; I should have. I hope I’m not
too late in offering advice. Perhaps you’ve already received help from
another source. If not, hopefully I can help you somehow.
You
mentioned that you were just starting your journey of healing. Good for you.
It takes courage to face your fears and even more, to live through them once
again. You should be proud of taking such a step.
I’m
not sure what kind of advice I can give you as I don’t know much about your
situation. I will try my best to see if there is anything I can help you with.
First off, I’m going to steer you to an amazing survivor’s site. It’s
called, Havoca.org Jamie, the owner of the
site, has done a fabulous job. Since you are just beginning your journey, you
will find a wealth of information to read. On the left margin, there are
links, all with answers to the questions you seek. There is also a quiet
corner for those who want to share their poems, letters and stories. I,
myself, have shared there and will continue to do so in the future. Please
feel free to read my writings in Havoca as well as other contributors there.
They just might help you. Each of us have a story to tell, and in doing so, we
help survivors realize they are not alone.
Professional
one on one therapy might be very beneficial to you. Being that you are just
starting your healing process, a survivor’s group might be too overwhelming.
Talking to one person can be hard enough if you’re not ready for it. Once
you are comfortable with speaking freely to your therapist, by all means, look
for a survivor’s group. I’m sure your confidant could direct you to the
right group associated with sexual abuse.
I,
myself, have never participated in survivor group therapy. Sometimes I wish I
had. It would be comforting talking to others, being able to relate to
individual experiences. Not to mention, the friendships you’d make along the
way. I think it would be beneficial to share within a group. Each and every
person, listening with a full heart, understanding the pain you are going
through. Sharing means healing; healing brings inner-peace. Each time we
share, our pain is a little less. We learn that we are truly not alone in
being a survivor.
Do
talk to your therapist if you have one. Have him suggest a survivors group in
your area when you are ready to participate in a group discussion. If you
decide it’s not for you, then please, don’t give up on your journey. See
your therapist for as long as you need too. They are there for you, always.
They are caring, compassionate people who always listen with an open heart.
I’ve
enjoyed corresponding with survivors via the internet. Since I missed out on
group discussions, I chose to share my email and have others contact me
instead. This way, I meet amazing people and learn from their experiences.
They in turn, learn from mine, as I share with them my own story. It’s
amazing what we can learn from each other. We have so much inside ourselves to
give, more than we realize.
I
never knew I could help people. With my love of writing and being able to
express my feelings, I can. In living the abuse, I am able to speak from my
heart and share through my experience. In doing this, my abuse was not in
vain. Something good has come out of it. I’ve received several emails
thanking me for the in-depth responses I have given them. I take time; I put
my heart into each and every one. I find in writing to others, it heals me as
well. I’ve got so much inside me and when I start to write, it just comes.
It’s good to release feelings and even better, to share them with someone.
My
writing began long ago, comforting me, helping me express my pain in a
healthier way. My first writings were my journals. I wrote in them regularly,
filling the papers with anger, sorrow and tears. Since my journaling, I’ve
progressed to writing poetry, short romance stories, and now, to survivors. It
feels good to write. It’s my gift in life, and I choose to use it to the
best of my ability. If I can help just one person, then I have succeeded in my
goals.
You
asked me for suggestions. Here is one more. I highly recommend you journal.
Write down all your thoughts and feelings, especially if you are feeling down.
Write down all the positive things in your life, too. Write down your dreams,
your goals, where you want to be in a year’s time. Reach for that goal and
don’t give up until you get there. We all have hopes and dreams; it’s up
to us to live them.
Write
about the child within. Or, write to her. Write to your abuser. I have done
all three. When you let yourself see, instead of not seeing, you realize your
inner child needs you. Her issues need to be addressed. She needs to know she
is loved and forgiven as well. She needs to know she is not forgotten. She
earned the right to be here.
Most
times, we blame our inner child. I know I did. I was hard on her; never
letting myself think of her, never seeing her, or wanting to know her. But, I
had to do this to heal, as she is a part of me. If I can’t love the child
within me, then how can I truly love myself? If I can’t forgive the child
within me, how can I forgive myself? I can’t.
We
are one with our inner child. To feel complete, we have to accept the child
within. In doing this, we become whole and can then nurture ourselves to
become healthy adults. Only then, can we begin our journey to happiness.
Writing
to your abuser can be therapeutic as well. Even if you decide not to face
him/her with your letter, it still helps to write it. Share all your feelings
of hurt, anger and shame. Tell him/her how your life was affected, then and
now. Let your words flow, let the pain seep from your heart as you fill the
pages with your inner-most thoughts and feelings. You will feel a tremendous
weight being lifted once you do. Afterwards, if you decide not to share it,
tuck it away for safe keeping.
I
shared mine. I only wish I had done it sooner. My step-grandpa was in his late
nineties before I read it to him personally. I was almost forty. It felt good
to defend my inner child. It really did. I felt proud in accomplishing this as
it was the most difficult thing I’ve ever done. I think in doing this, it
has helped me come to terms with my abuse somewhat better. I was able to talk
about my feelings after reading it. I was able to share my anger, and my
tears. Most importantly, I was able to stand up for the child within me. I
needed to do that. I needed to let her be heard. Her secrets hurt her and it
was up to me, to help her heal, in sharing them.
Even
though I have come a long way, I still deal with a roller-coaster of emotions.
Life can be hard sometimes. It’s not always easy. I have harbored secrets
all my life, which in turn, affects my behavior. Even though I have shared
with my abuser as well as my family, I still act out sometimes. When anger is
a learned behavior, it’s not easy to change. When pain brings tears in
oceans, its not easy letting them become streams. When we become controlling
perfectionists, it’s hard to change who we are. All we can do is try and be
the best we can be.
We
are survivors and can feel proud that we have come this far. Life will always
have trials and tribulations. There will always be roller-coaster rides. We
just have to learn to deal with them in a healthier way. Whether it’s a
therapist, group discussions, or journaling, we need to say focused and
realize that we truly are survivors. We always were. We hid secrets, carrying
a burden far too heavy for us to bear. We survived the unspeakable. We carried
an inner-strength that got us through our pain. We were strong. We had to be,
to survive.
Follow
through with your therapy, journal daily, nurture yourself when time allows.
Go for walks; reflect during your quiet times. Reflect on what’s good in
your life; your family, your friends; those who love you unconditionally.
Friendship truly is the gold thread that ties hearts together. Keep them close
to your heart as you begin your journey to happiness.
Remember,
yesterday is already a dream; tomorrow is only a vision, but today well lived,
makes every yesterday a dream of happiness and every tomorrow, a vision of
hope.
Respectfully
yours,
Cheryl