hope for the future

I just got through reading on the survivors page/quiet corner,"My story," by Tommy McCafferty. I cried reading the whole story from the sadness of such inexperienced, tormenting,abusive and angry parents. And then the mother remarries another abusive man?

I feel for Tommy. I fortunately am from a family of loving parents, though my parents divorced when I was 11, and there wasn't much abuse in my family, nothing at all compared to Tommy. My father stopped his abusive behavior from the affects of being an alcoholic when I was young, so by the time I was older (eleven), he had already stopped drinking and then remarried. Not to an abusive woman, just an angry and terrible woman that was a user and disliked all of his children. She didn't want to abuse us physically, she wanted to take our father for everything she could; his bank accounts, his retirement,...The most abuse that went on in our household was him ignoring me, and pretending we had some happy family, which was a joke, because there was no love. He was a weak male who needed a woman so he could feel like a real man. I guess I'm thankful he never beat me. And I'm thankful I was left alone, to do whatever I pleased in my own room. They were more interested in their AA meetings and riding motorcycles, or her smoking cigarette addiction and twenty cups of coffee she'd consume daily, if not more.

I isolated myself in my room daily after school, read books, more books, and more books. I wrote a journal, and then threw away the papers because my step mom would come in to my room and read all my stuff and search through all of my things. I involved myself in after school activities to avoid my home life, and was accepted on the honor roll two years in a row. Thanks to my fathers weakness, I gained strength. I chose education over drugs, and gained much wisdom over my power of choice to be happy.

I now am a struggling single mother, but not so struggling after reading other more unfortunate stories like Tommies. My daughter is a very witty, talented, beautiful, ostentatious at times, obstinate, but with a kind and loving heart, kid. She's a musician, is talented and mindful beyond her years. She just rewrote her own resume, and she's ten.

I admit I've had my times when I felt like beating her. But, my heart is full of love, though my patience tests me at times, and my ex, her father is a full time manipulator that mentally abuses her (when he gets the chance, which I try to make minimal by her not seeing him),and he ridicules my efforts at parenting constantly. Though my patience is tested often, especially now that she's going through her pre-hormonal phase of mood swings, I love her! And I love being a parent, and would never harm my beautiful soul who is only reacting to the pain in her life that is out of my control.

He is aware of it, and has talked about it briefly, though not in much detail. We constantly fight about ridiculously trivial issues, and break up constantly. And overtime when we break up, he breaks something of mine, or insults me, or puts me down for my parenting skills, which he is clueless of because he is not a parent, and hasn't had a great example from his own childhood. He also shouts out loud in public places, insulting my friends. The other day for the first time, he pushed me into the door of his car, which he's never done. He's never shown any sort of physical violence towards me. I'm thinking maybe he is acting out what was done to him. Maybe he was physically abused.

And I'd like to share my strength with others that I persevered from my dysfunctional famly and am doing a pretty good job raising my daughter. It's through education, an open mind, faith, and sights like yours that gives people hope that someone is listening and can relate.

Because i've given my daughter opportunity and surrounded her with many activities and disciplines like sports, music, art, theater, culture,....she's taken a serious interest in music and is currently an outstanding singer and piano player. I feel she will bring much joy to many very soon,touch many hearts, and give hope to others through a successful career in music. And with her means she will have the ability to assist in programs like yours for a better future and life for our children.

I will pass on some of these stories to her, so she can better appreciate her own situation and respect my job as her mother, and her position in life as a healthy adult someday that can make a difference in the world. Or make a difference today, to model hope for future generations of our children, and stop abuse altogether.