by Pmarsupial » Fri Nov 03, 2023 8:39 am
I think I understand myself better, I'm OK in my self, relatively happy, I've come to terms with the fact that I'm going to be upset by things ike shouty people that I can't control and upset is a flash from the past. In the now I am safe, it just doesn't feel like it. I've come to terms with the fact that even small things will trigger, the self guilt, and what's the point, I'm horrible for example the cat losing me in the storm last night, he followed me outside then missed following me home, missed dinner, I thought he was dead, 4am and I'm out with a torch and see his little glowing eyes. Phew. I'm not sure feeling like I should me dead is a normal response to a cat going missing for a couple of hours. I sort of understand that there are going to be times when I feel on edge when there is nothing to be frightened of, sheds, garages, smells, etc and I can put that in its place now, doesn't stop it, makes it manageable. From when I joined here my distress was probably at a 9, now I'm a 3, probably flaring to 6 or 7 briefly. Actually I'd like not to feel that distress at all, but it's ok at this level.
I think I understand myself better, I'm OK in my self, relatively happy, I've come to terms with the fact that I'm going to be upset by things ike shouty people that I can't control and upset is a flash from the past. In the now I am safe, it just doesn't feel like it. I've come to terms with the fact that even small things will trigger, the self guilt, and what's the point, I'm horrible for example the cat losing me in the storm last night, he followed me outside then missed following me home, missed dinner, I thought he was dead, 4am and I'm out with a torch and see his little glowing eyes. Phew. I'm not sure feeling like I should me dead is a normal response to a cat going missing for a couple of hours. I sort of understand that there are going to be times when I feel on edge when there is nothing to be frightened of, sheds, garages, smells, etc and I can put that in its place now, doesn't stop it, makes it manageable. From when I joined here my distress was probably at a 9, now I'm a 3, probably flaring to 6 or 7 briefly. Actually I'd like not to feel that distress at all, but it's ok at this level.