The abuse wasn't "revealed" to me until my mother died when I was 28. At that time my sister and I were not speaking at all. But nightmares and depression set in so suddenly after the funeral. One day I was driving and the song "Heart of the Matter" came on the radio. I pulled the car over and sobbed and all I could think about was my sister.
Later that evening I called her and simply said "I need to ask you something." Her response was, "I wondered when you would ask." She knew about the abuse, all of it. From there my journey began. First, I had a very passive attitude of "so what, it happened". As time passed, I found myself unable to sustain basic relationships, my depression deepened and more memories came forth. It is a daily struggle, even today at age 51. But I am determined to get through it and finally find the happiness I deserve, from within.

I told a friend. I didn't mean it. I totally didn't mean to say anything. I was 19 and had had a couple of drinks with a friend, and we were talking about uni. I was moaning that I'd only got 85% in an assessment and she was laughing at me, and then asked why I was so harsh on myself. I told her that I had never been happy with less than 100%, it was the way I was brought up. She said 'Wouldn't your parents be happy that you're doing well, regardless of what percentage you get?' and I said, 'Well, the scar on my forehead's from when I got a 2 in one of my Standard Grade prelims', or something like that. I didn't mean it. It just came out.
She was shocked and didn't know what to say, and I realised what I'd said and changed the subject. It was awkward.
She brought that conversation up a few days later and was amazing. So supportive. I don't know what made me say it, but she has always been a fantastic support to me, and I'm really glad that of everyone I could have spoken to, it was her.

I told a counselor. I think I was 23 years old.

I told my dad..But he didn't believe me and ignored it..When he couldn't ignore it anymore he made me leave the family as the "family troublemaker"..

Dear CA, I'm so sorry for what you had to go through. That doesn't make you a bad person for telling the truth, but I can see it makes things more difficult for you & I'm sad for that.
Carrie xx

My mum... I was 14 too. There was speculation that he was a threat to some other girls where he lived... miles away from us. It was on the back of a quip from her... I never meant to say it. - it just came out -I didn't think in time. Had contemplated it many times. Unfortunately, although I was believed by her, she got all hysterical and concentrated her efforts on the backlash within the family. Blathered it to people she talked to openly on the phone about it - friends and other family. How embarassing? I knew people knew that about me and wondered if they all thought I was lying. Never talked to me though.

None of his folks believed me and they cut themselves off from us entirely. We've never seen or heard of any of them since. The subject was never then mentioned ever again in my house. They are all her only family and I managed to cut that support away. We were already having a shit time and I made it worse. I didn't have to say it. Could have not done. So wish I hadn't so she would now have some family. There is no-one.

It hardly made confiding in people condusive and therefore no wonder that I never did talk about anything to anyone ever again - and now am terrified to do so even though it isn't all about the abuse.

I hate that it was like this and wish I hadn't done it.

Hind sight is wonderful hey?

my school teacher when i was 14, she was my guidance teacher who then informed social services who then let me down

I've put other - simply because the first person I 'told' was myself.
It took me a long time to come to the conclusion that what I had been through was not just 'a bit weird' or 'an odd family' or 'not straightforward' - it was abuse. Labelling it as such was incredibly frightening but very powerful. No one else suggested it to me before I came to that point myself - I think if they had I would have sternly told them to bog off & not be so ridiculous!
I just kept being drawn back to books about families, depression, lack of self esteem & self help until finally realising that they were about me. The first person I spoke the word out loud to was a counsellor - & he agreed, with that sort of look that says 'what took you so long?' you know how they do
Now it's not something I talk to everyone about, but when I do I do say it was an abusive childhood, not just 'a bit complicated' & although not everyone is comfortable with that, that's the truth, my truth.

Carrie

Who was the first person you confided in about your abuse?

If other, please state who in the thread below.