Post Traumatic Stress Disorder

I was raped when I was 25 years old. For a long time, I spoke about the rape on an intellectual level, as though it was something that happened to someone else. I was very aware that it had happened to me, but there just was no feeling. I kind of skidded along for a while.

“I started having flashbacks. They kind of came over me like a splash of water. I would be terrified. Suddenly I was reliving the rape. Every instant was startling. I felt like my entire head was moving a bit, shaking, but that wasn’t so at all. I would get very flushed or a very dry mouth and my breathing changed. I was held in suspension. I wasn’t aware of the cushion on the chair that I was sitting in or that my arm was touching a piece of furniture. I was in a bubble, just kind of floating. And it was scary. Having a flashback can wring you out. You’re really shaken.

“The rape happened the week before Christmas, and I feel like a werewolf around the anniversary date. I can’t believe the transformation into anxiety and fear.”