Anger

Anger… a child abuse story

by Paul

(Inflicted upon a child)

Anger was an emotion that caused me so much pain,
The violence by my abuser came to me again,
Day by day there would be many fits of rage,
This was all inflicted from such a tender age,

Anger was the thing that drove many an assault,
I spent my childhood told that it was all my fault,
But five year old me couldn’t ever understand,
Neither did teenage me controlled by a violent hand,

Anger was present throughout my whole childhood,
My abuser taking pleasure as often as she could,
Emotional abuse spewed from that place too,
Back then I had no idea what damage that would do,

(Adult feelings)

Anger is an emotion that causes me so much pain,
It creeps up on me when I am triggered here once again,
Dragging my mind to places I really dare not go,
It’s an emotion that I hate but it just won’t let me go,

Anger overflows when I’m treated just like my past,
I don’t want to feel like this, promise it won’t last,
I was doing so well to contain it, yet now it runs wild,
I cannot escape the feelings of that little abused child,

Anger as an adult feels so wrong as I did suffer,
A childhood with no protection or a single buffer,
So why do I feel this emotion? – I ask myself so often,
Kindness I should show myself – the impact then will soften,

(Hope)

Hopefully these feelings will in time subside,
No longer anxiety and fear causing me to hide,
The truth of what was done to me on a daily basis,
As a helpless little boy and teenager in hidden places,

Hopefully one day I will move beyond child abuse survivor,
The thought of one day being a happy, flourishing thriver,
It’s a hard journey but a path that I must walk,
One that involves constant courage to open up and talk,

Hopefully I’ll start to really accept all that has happened,
Show myself compassion and learn no longer to pretend,
It’s had a massive impact on how I think and live my adult life,
Conscious and subconscious it’s caused me so much strife,

(Wondering)

Why would parents humiliate, degrade and attack their own child?
To be in constant rage, loveless and aggression running wild,
Saying hurtful and damaging things to one expecting care,
Causing fear, withdrawal and a constant nightmare,

Why so often are abusive behaviours excused?
Children are vulnerable, not there to be abused,
Services were involved but blind to what happened behind closed doors,
Why are many children still failed by child protection laws?

Why does it seem like adult survivors are forgotten,
We were once abused children discarded like we are rotten,
But we are resilient for all that we have been through,
Misunderstood maybe, but resilient it is true.