My self-destruct button and I

My self-destruct button and I Origin of self harming behaviour I have always had an “all or nothing” type nature and a bit of a competitive streak. I’m not sure if this originates, from simply having siblings, or whether this is an inherent feature. (Is it because of nature or … Continue reading

What has therapy been about for me?

What has therapy been about for me? What I wanted to get out of therapy My therapist asked me what I wanted to get out of our sessions in week one, but I left without telling her what I really wanted to gain from our time together. I was so … Continue reading

The Child Within

The Child Within I became aware of this hurt, scared, lost little child in a therapy session several weeks ago and although more than a little freaked out, I recognised her instantly. She was me; little me; my inner child; and I know this because I whole heartedly and heartbreakingly … Continue reading

Breaking down the walls

Breaking down the walls In order to protect the self, many people talk about an imaginary, impenetrable wall, that they build from the inside out. It is a very clear image of something strong and weather-able, which is designed to keep safety and calm within, and perceived threat and chaos … Continue reading

There will always be triggers

There will always be triggers It took a long time, meeting the right people and building up the correct support network, for me to feel ready enough, to start my recovery journey. I slowly began to trust and to feel safe, which lead to disclosure and many memories being unlocked. … Continue reading

Parenting – The struggle of raising children after abuse

Parenting – The struggle of raising children after abuse There is no getting away from the shame I feel for making my next statement, but having children completely and utterly messed my head up, even more than it was already. For as long as I can remember, I knew that … Continue reading

What you Intended

What you intended I clocked you near the ticket office, as you walked in from the cold Your face was calm, but your eye contact controlled I noticed that you did not buy, a ticket or a fare I followed you undetected, as you made your way to the stare … Continue reading

Treading Water

Treading Water I’m going nowhere fast Still re-living the past I’m not where I wanna be But I’ll get there, you’ll see! Having taken many steps I still harbour regrets I’m closer than I used to be I will get there, you’ll see! Starting another new chapter But with gremlins … Continue reading

Someone like me

Someone like me When I was fifteen, sixteen, seventeen Before anyone bothered, to intervene Nobody questioned, my need to be alone This was before C.D’s, and the mobile phone I used to walk for hours, cross the fields I’d roam No real purpose, so long as I, was not home … Continue reading