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33 Responses to Contact Us

  1. Mr Olivier Viarisio says:

    Hi,
    I write to you because my doctor, Dr Lynch from the Preesall Medical Center asked me to do so in emergency. Please will you be back to me as soon as it’s possible for you because I do need your help. If you could email me I will give you a mobile number were it will be possible to call me back because I do not know if it’s safe to leave it there into this window. Cheers for your understanding hoping to get an fast answer from you. Olivier.

    • HAVOCAHAVOCA says:

      I’m sorry we don’t offer telephone support. Have you tried NAPAC?

      The National Association for People Abused in Childhood (NAPAC) have a support line which is staffed by trained volunteers, who can help you come to terms with what happened and finding ways of repairing the harm.

      Call free on 0808 801 0331 from landlines or mobile networks

      The lines are open 10am till 9pm Monday to Thursday, 10am till 6pm on Friday.
      If the lines are busy, please be patient and try again, perhaps trying at a different time of day when there might be fewer people calling our volunteers.

      If you don’t want to call the support line, you can also email them at support@napac.org.uk

      I hope that helps.

  2. Kay says:

    Hello,

    I need some advice how to deal with my significant other. He was sexually abused by his down syndrome uncle over 33 years ago when he was 9 or 10 years old. He has been married three times and failed all of them. I met him almost two years ago through a mutual friend. He didn’t tell me what had happened after he asked me to be his girlfriend. After been in relationship with him for several months, his behavior was odd so I asked him and he finally shared with me but not all the details just things that he comfortable. Well, he is a Police Sergeant for a village which I understand he is very busy. He also a full time student and also had a part time job, and do drugs work such search warrant. Sometimes he would be just distance and other times he would be so close especially when we see each other which only once or twice a month because he lives an hour away. Lately, I haven’t see him but exchange text message here and there. Just recently he would avoided or ignored text message if I try to say “I love you or miss you” or try to be positive about our relationship or future job. I have been so patience with him and tried to understand but it seems to me that he has been given me a cold shoulder or respond to text message about his health issues or school. I asked him if he want to break up just let me know I would understand. He doesn’t want to break up or then also does not want to try to say things that make this relationship going somewhere. I love him and I accepted him for who he is and want to help him but he just so distant that I don’t know what to do or how to help him. He is so negative all the time and it is such a draining emotionally and mentally. Is this a normal behavior for someone who has been sexually abused as a child?

    • HAVOCAHAVOCA says:

      Normal is difficult to define – especially when each case is so different and each victim so unique.

      Please have a look at our ‘support a survivor’ page on the main website – http://www.havoca.org/support-a-survivor/

      It should help you to structure what might help and give you some direction.

      The situation may seem helpless right now; abuse affects so many people. Please be patient and continue to let your love for him shine through. I’m afraid healing starts with the victim and has to be initiated by them. Perhaps you can tell him about this site – he might be feeling very lonely right now.

      Good luck and thanks for caring for another survivor.

      • helelene says:

        Dearest Kay,
        I just came to this web site for support and info as I am being affected by my past as well. I thought I had forgotten it all until I was invited by a professor at the college whom I like a lot, a lot a lot. When people see us together they comment on how great we are together. Anyway another professor is cray about him, she is married and literally pushes me out of the way when she is around him in mtgs to sit next to him. It was so painful for me as my younger sister was molested, raped by my husband when she was 12-13 and I knew nothing about it, but my father who just remarried as our mom died would allow my hy husband to take his daughter to the senior ball and out on dates. Thats when the rest of us kids started having memories. His new wife of 3 mos also encouraged my husband to take my younger sister out. ALL of this was hidden from me as I was working and going to school. My father new wife and sister lived 30 miles away near where my husband worked.All of this happened 35 years ago. I had to move away and my sister moved into my home and had two children by this man. My other sister committed suicide over it, my two brothers became alcoholics and to this day my father and step mother celebrate every holiday with my sister and my ex-husband and their two children who just found out about me.
        But Im writing to let you know that the pain that this man is feeling left untreated is beyond the beyond… he is doing the best he can and unfortunately he can not uplift you and support you in the ways that you need. I would encourage you to allow him to be as he is and have the freedom to find his path of healing. You may not be able to get all of your needs met by him or stay in a committed relationship. Expressing your needs in a neutral loving way will help him to see he can express his.
        As for me I am invited to an outing by the professor I like and he has invited an number of other professionals and one of them includes this woman who is married and is crazy about him. It brings up the pain of my younger sister and the enormous betrayal that I have no idea if I can ever get over. SO I told him today that Stacy was just very competitive with me and that she was acting out in strange ways around me as she really likes him. I shared with him that it was really hard to talk about her and her aggressive acts toward me- pushing me away to get to him, calling me and asking questions about him,lurking by my desk to wait for him and on and on. He had no idea and realized he had been giving her the wrong message and that she was married and never would disrespect that boundary. I told him that i had a very pailful experience in relation to this type of triangle, and would probably not be able to go on the 4 day outing. Perhaps we can make a plan , but he was very glad I shared it with him even though it was hard to bring up and painful for me.
        My most important things in life are my connection to God and to heal from what has happened to me and the loss of my entire family. It may be try for your friend and he needs and deserves the space to do that. AND you deserve Love Kay and I wish you the best with this. I wish the laws for abuse were stronger and that society was not so slow. In my case both my father and his wife knew my husband was taking her out on dates as my other sister told me. She killed her self 5 years after she told me this. Even writing about this makes me feel sick and I think I ned to go back to counseling. God Bless us all!! Helene

    • Lina Lopes says:

      I was victim of subtle sexual abuse for 4 5 years of my life, in my case, I find it difficult to be fully connected I am there but my partner sense that I am not ok not trusting and enjoying the moments, I am also negative, but I do not not want to break up, he founds it difficult to be with him because he also has his emotional issues , he has feelings but he is not talking to me at this moment can not give any advice in particular but if you love him, if he loves you, work together!

  3. Kat says:

    I was sexually abused by my moms boyfriend from the age of 4 to 9 and it has affected my life greatly. I finally am able to deal with it. But im getting married in a month and we are talking about having children. Im panicking thinking that im too screwed up to be in a happy relationship and that it will make me a terrible mother. Im panicking and i cant stop. I dont know what to do.

  4. Emma Louise moran says:

    Just one thing we all have is pain and fear of our children getting abused as was my mum’s brother from 8 to 14 , I brought it out when I as 11, to being 5.6. days later he’s back in my room whilst my siblings and even my parents . My mum passe wy at 59 3years on 30 th November day after my first son’s birthday. To have to let rr go day after 10th December of my oldest sibling birthday. Even though I was the baby I still feel those fears of dark, shadows , night mares that I can’t control. My children are keeping believing and protecting them from such heart ache from abuse from one of my brothers. not saying one of my brothers have abused my daughter’s just how my mum didn’t choose to protect me of such hurt and now forever fail in believing or trusting . I’m alone in this world with five children which one is step daughter. My 3 oldest live with their dad as I couldn’t cope with my life and demands was hard and made one of the hardest discussions. I’ll ever make give up as far my three babies, 8.5.3 now nearly 16 ,13,9. And still live with their dad as I’ve struggled and done what’s best for them. Why wasn’t best done for me. How do I love and be a mum when feel I never got told I was loved, proud of. I feel love and proudness and had to let my children know everyday how much I love them and see each other twice a year to every weekend and in week. I wasn’t strong enough to stay as I’ve never felt loved or wanted and never heard unless I was kicking off as got drunk to get things out. I went wrong way as I never knew which way was right from wrong until I knew I didn’t deserve that abuse and ignorance, wishing one wasn’t born is just a word.

  5. Husna says:

    I don’t know if you can help, but my parents have been abusing me for quite some time and I do not wish to live under their roof any longer…

    I had a great childhood. My parents loved me the way parents are supposed to love their children. They gave me the world and more. I was happy.

    But then, things changed when I reached puberty. I suddenly noticed the many restrictions that my parents put on me. And, if I showed anger in any slight way, I was harshly punished.

    When I was fourteen, there was a time when I had gotten very angry. I had banged doors from our dining room to my room. My father had gotten extremely angry about this. He came to my room, spoke harsh words to me (I was so frightened that I never heard his words) and slapped me across the face twice during his vent. My mother tried to stop him, but he pushed her onto the bed next to mine. This was my brother’s bed.

    I am sure that there were other times where they had forgiven my “bad behaviour” but there are a lot of times where they had reacted very badly.

    A more recent event happened yesterday. I am helping my parents in the business for the time being. A customer, apparently, was very angry about the fact that we might not have done his order. My mother called and started yelling at me about how I should call this customer and explain what was going on. I had his number on my phone, however, I had turned it off because its battery was low. I had asked her for his number, and she became even more angry, resulting in her calling me a stupid child.

    When she came to our point of business later, I was difficult with her and rude. She followed me outside and told me that if I didn’t change my attitude, she would slap me. After that, I stayed out of her way.

    Yesterday was not the first time that they have called me stupid. In fact, my father has called me a stupid cow a months ago.

    They apologise and show regret for their actions… but then they turn around and do it again.

    I have three younger siblings, and I feel as if that they are loved more by my parents than me. Which I do not mind. I just hate the fact that I do not have as much freedom as they seem to have. And my parents are very rarely (if ever) abusive towards them. Physical or otherwise.

    I’m tired of being here and unhappy. I would not mind living under their roof and having the freedom I crave, however, how possible this is, I have no idea.

  6. Lillian Madden says:

    My daughter is 23 years old she had been sexually abused at age 7 years old by her second cousin and I have tried to get her counselling when she was 10 after her grandad died and she took it really bad but she refused and still does now she as also suffered racial abuse all of her life and she gets racially abused now and verbally abused and is very emotional and gets really really upset me and her boyfriend of 6 years believe that she needs counselling but she wont she tried to take her life when she was 15 years old. I blame myself for her sexual abuse because it happened when I was in bed because I was ill with suffering with SLE Lupus while I thought she was downstairs with her cousin age 14 then watching cartoons. What can I do to help her even though she said she does not need any help I think different though I can see it.

  7. jane parkinson says:

    please could you recommend a therapist willing to work with a DID client via Skype.I would be happy to provide more information ,
    Many Thanks

  8. Robert says:

    Can anyone help me?…
    I was around 5 or 6 yrs old back in early 60’s, i was admitted into hosp’ for a op’ to remove a growth in my neck..to cut a long story short, aside from the Op’
    i was given Auditory hallucagenic drugs AND Electric shock treatment, me and about 5 or 6 other children..
    i experienced Auditory hallucanations and the EVP was horrific – there is more to it of course, a Pyscologist told me
    they would do such things back then experimenting on children without parents consent etc..my parents had no idea what was happening to their child..
    I dont now if the EVP/Elictric shock was given to make me forget, but i have always remembered clearly what happend to me..
    It only ever became clear what went on a couple of years ago when a Psycologist told me what went on….i was one of many experimented on…
    i always thought i was talking to ghosts as i thought back over the years..there is nothing on my medical records about this…
    Is there anyone out there who went through the same thing? – i find myself feeling anger at this now, i remember after leaving hospital,
    i developed a ‘Rocking’ from side to die motion, i didnt know why..it went on for years after,
    and also ive suffered blinding headaches ever since and even been to hosp’ with them being that bad…i just cant get what happend out of my head, or find closure and it seems to be making me ill,
    I’m now on BP Meds for ‘Hypertension’
    please get in touch if you have any advice on how i can somehow take action, or who i could get in touch with…

  9. Tracey says:

    Can you get referred to your counselors by a Doctor

    • HAVOCAHAVOCA says:

      Yes you can. GPs in the NHS (UK) can refer you for six free sessions. The counsellor/therapist then decides if you need more sessions. Its not ideal, but its better than nothing. Sadly in other countries who don’t have a National Health System then medical insurance is needed.

  10. Joanne says:

    Hi,
    Please can you help – my Mum is an adult survivor of child abuse. She kept this hidden for many years and only last couple years my sister revealed she was abused by my mothers brother (same person that abused my Mum) that all this surfaced. My Mum never gave us a good upbringing due to her past and this massive secret she had to hold. Now she is facing being deported back to South Africa and we need to get a medical report to support her application that she needs to be here near her close knit family. She is 68 and has not had relationships sinceher early 40s. Thank you so much Joanne…

  11. LISA GRANT says:

    Hi how do I contact you privately.?
    Where are you based?

  12. Angela Meyer says:

    I have registered on your site and am trying to be able to express my story to get help from others. How long does it take until I can set up my login

    • HAVOCAHAVOCA says:

      I’m sorry you seem to be experiencing problems. Once you register you should (almost) immediately receive an activation email. This email contains a link that you follow to activate the account.
      I’m sorry to say that some email providers (hotmail, gmail, to name just two) have taken it on themselves to block certain types of email. In most cases the activation email can be found in your ‘spam’ folder but just occasionally your email provider will delete the email without your knowledge.
      There is nothing we can do about your provider but we can generate an account for you and activate it at this end (effectively bypassing your provider). If you use our contact form and let us know the email you’d like to register the account under and the username you’d like to use on the forums, we can do that for you.

  13. ann schofield says:

    hi jamie the password you sent was7ddf jdpf56qu4 and my user name is ann rose yes its the idiot here

  14. ann schofield says:

    it is alright you are not the only ones to turn your back on me but i did think you of all would understand what i am going through regardless of what the goverment is doing,but i wish you all well.

  15. Amy Robinson says:

    Hi
    as a young child i was neglected by my parents, to which then i was removed from their care and placed with a family member, it was here that i suffered years of abuse 11 to be exact. The abuse i suffered was quite severe, I was made to do adult chores and if i didn’t finish them in time i would be locked away in the cellar. i was dangled head first out of a window by the cousins. then when i was fourteen the abuse stepped up, my mothers brother started to abuse me sexually. that took it’s toll on me it affected my school work. one morning i decided it would be a good idea to talk to my learning mentor about it. as soon as i told her the extent of the abuse, she immediately took action she spoke to the headmistress. i did not deal with the abuse til i was 20 i am now 31. the therapy i sought helped me move on. till i had my third child and they started to bring up my past as an excuse to remove my child. now i’m being affected by the removal of my children.

  16. verity healey says:

    Hello HAVOCA, I would like to contact you privately, but the contact form on this page does not load or work. Is there another way I can get in touch? best verity

  17. Lorraine says:

    I have been trying to log in for days, but all I get is a blank,page

  18. Greg Wilson says:

    Haven’t been able to log in for months. Get blank screen. User name Greg2.

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