Self Help

Self Help

havoca self helpSurvivors naturally want to know what they can do, for themselves, to heal.  The initial acknowledgment that a victim wants to heal is often overwhelmed by feelings of hopelessness, loneliness and confusion. Often the thought of sharing their story with family, loved ones, friends or a professional therapist is out of the question.  Breaking a silence that has been buried deep for many years isn’t easy.

We are regularly asked what a survivor should do first.  Its an understandable question; we live in a world where there are quick fixes, treatments and processes in place in nearly all aspects of our lives.  Sadly abuse and recovery don’t work like that.  Individuals are different, situations vary and effects depend on so many different factors.

The first step in dealing with the abuse can start within yourself. Self help is available.  It can and does help individuals to take stock, plan a direction and stick with a self generated healing package.

So what resources are out there for self help? Here is a list, in no particular order, that a survivor might find useful either at the beginning of their journey or during periods of disorientation.

Self help books

These try to provide the reader with direction and purpose.
HAVOCA Online Store


Structured help from professionals and or other survivors
Easily obtained anonymously


Reader may not connect with the subject or author
Difficult to find a book that matches your experiences exactly
May need to be hidden to prevent unwanted questions

Self help forums

These are online communities set up to bring survivors together.
HAVOCA Survivor’s forums


Anonymously engage with other survivors
Sharing and supporting are powerful tools
Find out information and direction from others


You can never truly be sure who is part of the community
Online safety is your responsibility


Self help journal

Writing memories, feelings and thoughts down on paper.
Journal Writing Guide


Order and prioritise
Visualisation of issues and topics
Provide a platform and voice for the survivor within.


Need to keep secret
No feedback or professional help


Self help internet sites

Information and direction. Survivor sites often provide ‘first step’ type pages/information
HAVOCA’s first step.


Provides information and clarity on topics not usually discussed
Wealth and diversity of issues covered.


History traces on computers need to be cleared if user wants to remain private
Not everything on the internet is true, correct or useful


HAVOCA always stresses the importance of professional help but that doesn’t mean self help shouldn’t or can’t be used.  Self help is yet another way to ensure you find the path to leading a more fulfilling life.


3 Responses to Self Help

  1. Ian Patterson says:

    I don’t really know where to start. I was abused for about 6 – 9 months when I was 8 till 9 by an older lad and have kept this secret. It was in 1978 -1979, I have have recently been struggling to come to terms with it and have confided in a friend. I feel a bit low and sick thinking after talking about it and don’t know where to go next and wondered if you could help as I really hate the thought of talking to someone as I feel really embarrassed and ashamed if I do. I told my friend and just wanted to run and hide after it.

    Hope you understand, I’m a 44 yr old man and I thought I would be stronger than this.



  2. dbtrocks says:

    I’m an adult survivor of child abuse. I am in my 40’s and have been in psychotherapy non-stop since I was 18. It seems like it is only now that I am “getting myself together” and feeling the anger. Sometimes, unfortunately, expressing it somewhat destructively. Things get complicated for me b/c I also have bipolar disorder. I want to forget what happened to me. I also have fantasies of “getting even,” making my parents suffer for how they made me suffer. I would never do anything to them, but I hate them so much for what they did and what they continue to do to my siblings. I’m NC with my parents. Any suggestions would be appreciated.

Leave a comment - please note HAVOCA does not provide direct support via these comments. If you would like support please use our contact form or forums. Please use a name you are comfortable sharing online.

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.