What is abuse?

What is Abuse?

havoca What Is AbuseIf you are like most people you may think abuse is physical violence – having force used against you, having bones broken, being attacked, punched or kicked.  This is true of course, but other types of abuse exist which are as bad as, and can be worse than, physical violence.  There are four types of child abuse; physical, sexual, psychological, physical and emotional neglect.  Although listed as five distinct categories they all over lap.  For example a child may experience physical violence and also be forced to watch his parent being physically abused, resulting in psychological damage. All four types of abuse have things in common; they are detrimental to the well being of the child involved and can have serious consequences in the child’s development with far reaching problems right into adulthood.  All types can be stopped, either the perpetrator or the victim has the ability to stop the abuse and get help (we will discuss this later).  Thirdly, all forms of abuse are illegal – some groups still maintain that sex with children should be encouraged.

IMPORTANT
Children do not have the intellectual, emotional or physical maturity to be able to protect themselves from adults and therefore are protected by the law.  Adults will always have more power over children and therefore should be prevented from exploiting their power.

Physical Abuse: Slapping a child’s bottom is probably not abuse, stubbing a cigarette out on a child’s bottom is.  The woolly area between these types of punishment are distinguished by guidelines set out by the law.  Physical child abuse is defined as any corporal punishment that either leaves marks or is potentially dangerous to the child.  Unfortunately, the law does not define emotional abuse as a result of this physical violence.  One of our readers, Mark, was continually slapped across his face by his Father.  The slapping which was continuous and for no good reason would sometimes last all evening.  Although he suffered no permanent physical damage as a result of the abuse his emotional scars go deep. Mark now married with two children becomes aggressive and angry, and although not violent does use his power to intimidate and frighten his own children.

Sexual Abuse: Is in fact a sexual act.  That act cannot be ignored.  Yet it is much more than a sexual act, if adults who were sexual with children merely wanted to quench their thirst for sex there are many lower risk methods of acquiring satisfaction. In most cases it is not the touch itself that is harmful it is the meaning behind the touch that hurts.  Sexual abuse can be an expression of power, compulsiveness, an act of vengeance, or a desire for control, which often dangerously comes masked as an act of love.

Psychological Abuse:  Is hard to define it includes, name calling, humiliation, rejection, putdowns, being degraded, being belittled, being made to feel ashamed of oneself, isolation, being corrupt, threatening behaviour, witnessing marital violence, forced to perform acts beyond the child’s control.

Physical and Emotional Neglect: This is what didn’t happen to you as a child as opposed to what did happen to you.  Physical neglect is not receiving the proper level of care for a child, for example no shoes, lack of proper clothing, lack of food, lack of shelter and lack of medical care.  Emotional neglect involves not getting loved, not receiving sympathy, affection or empathy.  All of which are essential for the child’s upbringing.

Perpetrator: The next issue we need to address is the person who committed the abuse.  Most people relate child abuse with adult abusers; teachers, parents, school teachers, community leaders etc.  However this isn’t always the case.   A high percentage of children are abused by their own siblings.  This type of abuse has the same affects and issues on the victim as abuse that is perpetrated by an adult.  Therefore, throughout this site, mentions of childhood abuse are not perpetrator specific, unless stated in the text.

Tip
As you read through the information in this website, you may find yourself experiencing all sorts of emotions; you may disagree entirely with whats been written.  The advice would be to write everything down, so that you can analyse it later – self reflection is an important part of any recovery.

123 Responses to What is abuse?

  1. Andrew Munn says:

    Just a note to say that I wwould like to talk to someone anonymously about the abuse that I encountered as a 12-15 year old boy.

    I have been/felt gay for most of my life, I do not believe that I would have been so without the pervert.

    I think that my life would have been normal without our relationship.

    I hate being/feeling gay, even though I have no hate for people that are so. I think that I will always be attracted to men, for the rest of my life.

    Best regards,

    Andrew

    • HAVOCA says:

      Thanks for your comment. The origins of a person’s sexuality is a very difficult thing to establish. It is natural for children who have been abused by a same sex perpetrator to question their sexuality. We would strongly recommend professional counselling to allow you to explore your sexuality issue. It may be that you are homosexual, bisexual or heterosexual – but the main aim should be to feel comfortable in your own skin and not defined by an abusive past.

      Feel free to contact us using our form.

      Jamie

      • Prity says:

        I always have been abused by my mom she gets angry on small things like if i raise my tone louder on her she started to slap me , pulling hair,punching,tap my neck says such as words,well I stay in flat so whenever i raise my voice she tells how stupid i am “if somebody heard u” yeah i gotta. Every mom has right to worry about their child but seriously i
        I don’t care about that all I’m worried about u why u doing this..eveychildren wanna be happy in their family u know she keeps saying inappropriate words which is on extreme level but i try to talk with my mom to make things right she just don’t care all she gotta do hit me abuse me whenever she’s angry what is killing me everyday..I became so emotional lately crying in small things even when I was viewing these comments I was crying so badly &yeah I could not breathe when I cry..feel pain a lot I saw an hatred in her eyes I don’t feel safer but when she’s happy or okay mom act normaly,show much love for me buying everything I want, I don’t know what is happening with my mom sometimes I feel mom hates me so much sometimes I feel bad for her I even made my mind when I’ll adult I gonna stay away from my mom but i”ll give everything she want..give it a try to make her happy just u know i”ll try to stay away now this behaviour Im seeing on my father like im pissed off from all of this I just want happiness they behave like they just don’t want me to be in their family though my perents’ve relation issue since my childhood they were separate Now they r together again but still having violence btw in them maybe that’s the reason their frustrstion im facing in my life.. but I can’t take it. It’s breaking me every time reminding u don’t like me mom &dad just a load u tolarating thats how i feel lonely

        • noodles says:

          heyy Prity, my gf is currently experiencing the EXACT samr thing u experienced or experiencing, i honestly don’t know what to do… her mom is toxic and crazy aum, it’s madness, she abuses her, but my gf doesn’t see that, but also does at the same time, its like she sees it but doesn’t wanna accept it yk.. AND worst of all her mom doesn’t want us tg because im treating her well and her mother is literally controlling her entire like LITERALLY, her mother decides what she has to do and if she disagrees, then her mom scolds her and hits her… this aint right, calling her rude names, swearing her out, putting her down, slapping her and shit, she says she feels so happy when she’s with me.. she feels free from all her problems with me, and now her mom tryna split us, sbe recently decided that shes “grounded” even tho on the same day she went out with her mom to the bar, dhe did something wrong and now that’s her punishment, for her not to see me, probably for months 🙁 f*ck it, i get so pissed i wanna do something, DAMMIT, she can see other ppl and friends but not me, shes says its nothing personal but she just jealous… that she didn’t have a happy relationship and shes clingy to her own child, apparently my gf can only love her and her brother, wtf is that, idk what to do, PLEASE she needs urgent help, she has some…very bad thoughts.. yk.. that’s worse than hurting herself… its really sad seeing her like this, i really love her, and i wanna marry her one day, btw shes 18 🙂 but still in school so she needs her mom to go to school, otherwise she could have left already, but its draining her, and screaming for mercy inside, shes dying inside 🙁 and i am apparently the only one that sees that fake smile she has been putting on saying she’s okay for her whole life, she’s my best friend, she can’t fool me with that fake smile, i really love her and she’s worth fighting for, and im never giving up on her, ill continue fighting for her, she’s such a beautiful person, with a beautiful heart and soul, why would i want to let go of someone so unique and special, shes like Cinderella, but the thing is, her mom also experienced the things my gf is experiencing, so her mom is doing what her parents did on to her, which is so sad, cause my gf doesn’t deserve this shit

        • Lauren Fitzgerald says:

          I can relate to your situation and I understand what you are going through is incredibly difficult and painful. I’m so sorry to hear you are having to deal with that. I would like to first remind you that you have value. Please don’t let the way your parents treat you effect how you view yourself. There is NO EXCUSE for the way you are being treated. Your parents are clearly not healthy. I think it would be a good idea to build a support system of friends and trusted adults who you could look to for emotional support and love as well as advice because you shouldn’t have to go through what you are experiencing (and life) alone. I would also like to advise you not to allow the way your parents have treated you to impact how you allow other people to treat you- meaning keep your standards high. As a adult I made the mistake of making excuses for the behavior of people around me because I was conditioned to excuse bad behavior with my parents. Do not stay around people who treat you badly no matter who it is. I think finding a therapist would be very helpful if you are able todo so there are resources out there to help if you search the internet. Also you should find a mentor program like “big sisters” and “big brothers” because they will connect you with a responsible older person who you can lean on for support and guidance you need. Prayer also helped me tremendously growing up. Stay positive and keep showing yourself the love that you deserve. Don’t let them break you, you are stronger than you can possibly imagine and you have what it takes to create a great life for yourself and stop the cycle of abuse.

    • Allie says:

      Andrew have you tried reading the gender games by Juno Dawson Its a amazing book very appealing. its a book about identity you will love it .

    • mimilove says:

      dear Andrew Munn, YOur story is so heart wrenching. If you feel bad about being gay it is because your nature rejects it. And you can heal from this horrible abuse you had as a child by praying and asking God to heal you completely. Jesus Christ’s name is very powerful, you can call out to him. With Faith it will all work out for you. Check out Joyce Meyers testimony about her father abusing her sexually.

      • simphh says:

        mimilove, this is NOT a space for you to push religious ideologies onto hurt people who may feel desperate to heal. Andrew needs to speak with a therapist who can help guide them through healing in a way that’s for andrew. Jesus cannot replace that.

      • ZW says:

        I was always yelled at by my mom and always saying that I’m very stupid and that I can’t get to her expectations. She also makes me have a limited time- usually 1-3 minutes to put on warm clothes and then leaving me out in the cold night to make me “rethink” whatever I did wrong when all I’ve said was “please calm down, Mom”. It makes me very sad to think that someone I am so close to is my abuser. I always wish that I knew what I do wrong to make her so mad but whenever I ask her, she’ll call me ‘stupid’ and get mad at me again. She is abusing me psychologically, am I correct? Please let me know.

        • Michelle M says:

          ZW,
          You don’t do anything to make your mother mad. There is something very wrong with her. You need to tell someone so you can have a place to go when she decides to lock you out of the house in the cold. Can you call your grandparents? A teacher? A school counselor? Your dad? Anyone that you’re close with so you can get the help you need. I’m sorry you are treated like this. Just remember, it’s not YOU.

      • Angel says:

        Please don’t try and help someone whose religion you don’t know by forcing the name of Christ onto them. As a verbal and emotional abuse victim and an atheist, being told to pray to god and my problems will be washed away would be a very sour statement. I suffer (and still do whenever my stepdad is home), and I’m supposed to believe God will wash the slate clean? It also probably doesn’t help that my stepdad is a Christian and so is my mom, yet they are the prime abusers in my life,

    • Clare says:

      I was abused by my grandad and uncle for years eveytime I go to sleep i see them i was a drinker but it nearly killed me and that took the nightmares away and now I am living in a nightmare that never goes away

    • dhbef says:

      I am sexually and emotionally abused and groomed by my stepdad. He tries to convince me that he is a good guy and I know it’s manipulation but I can’t do anything about it. He’ll do these “body checks” to “make sure I’m healthy”. I’ll ask him why and try to protest it but he always manages to come up with a reason to convince me to just give up. Currently I haven’t had my period and my mom thinks I’m pregnant, which my stepdad has talked to me about and said if I was pregnant I was to lie about it and say it was a kid at school. I’m 12. I really hope it’s just thyriod issues (my mom has it) or a normal thing. If you have any advice (i really don’t wanna report it because im scared) please let me know.

      • Tara says:

        Call a trusted adult and tell them what is going on, or call the police and report it, and tell them you want to be removed from your home immediately. They can put you in a foster home, and if they abuse you there call you case worker, and/or the police. Don’t put up with abuse, you are worth more than that.

      • Misfit says:

        Dear dhbef, I know it is scary but i think you should report him whether or not you are pregnant. There are so many anonymous helplines for these situations especially if you dont feel lime you can talk to your mother. Speaking up is the first step towards healing. The process can be long and messy but so worth it in the end. From the bottom of my heart i encourage you to start that process now because it doesnt get any easier the older you get. You are important and you need to put you first. You owe your stepfather nothing.

      • Anna Baker says:

        Honey please tell someone at school or your mom if you feel safe talking to her. You need to get medical treatment you are so young and if you are pregnant it could cause lasting health issues. I am so sorry that you are going through this.

      • vor, rune says:

        please just tell a teacher you trust or honestly ask for a counselor.because your situation is serious and if you don’t fix it now you might end up having a baby or your gonna have to deal with lots of trauma please tell somebody this is not good and your stepdad is disgusting he shouldn’t be able to get away with this and live his life while you suffer with the trama he’s gonna give you.! i know its hard and i know you’re scared but getting a counselor you trust you help because they could get you help without your dad even having to know please invest.

      • Ember says:

        Please tell someone. It must be so hard to be in your situation. If you don’t feel comfortable telling anyone in person or can’t tell anyone/get help in person, just report it online to the police. Your stepdad should not get away with this please do something.

      • Angela says:

        You deserve better than this. You are better than what he’s making you feel. It sucks so bad having emotionally, physically, mentally,etc abusive parents. Don’t be scared of reporting him and getting a better life without people whom are harming you in so many ways for their own selfishness. Do not be scared. You’ve been through more than most kids your age, you’re already stronger than what you think. Don’t be scared.

      • Reshma says:

        effect your life in so many worse ways not just mentally but you’ll do things that are gonna harm you you’ll hurt yourself because of the abuse. Please get help. I’ve been abused to by my own family member I got help and I have to say things are going very well I’m the one who’s in control not them. There’s nothing to be afraid of you aren’t some there are many people who care and will help you. Stand your ground don’t let him do that to you scream fight back defen yourself don’t take it. If you let him do that to you then when your older you’ll let people just walk all over you because you made a bad habit from when you were young. Start making good habits so that when your older you are physically and mentally and emotionally healthy. What you do now who’ll effect your whole life either take what I say and apply it or do what your doing and it will lead you to a life full of hurt, anger, am sadness, pain, regret, self harm. But the path I’m taking about is love, healing and happiness

    • Maria Martinez says:

      I understand completely as adult sexual abuse shapes us weather sexual preferences or things that we just can’t do it molds us and we have been around so long that children should not still be suffering as we did it should not be ugly to talk about the truth to stop it shouldn’t mean we are the black sheep we are the braves ones

  2. rebecca anne says:

    was I abused? my Dad would give me chinese burns in order to hurt me, kick or thump me, twist my arms, push my face into the floor, he would get on top of me and hold me down until I couldn’t move or breath if I made him angry or was just doing something he did not like. Not every day though, not even every week. But sometimes he would provoke or pretend it was a game before getting nasty. He also told me I was no good and would never get anywhere etc etc. I was terrified of him and consistently tense around him. I have trouble working out what kind of abuse it was. I believe I do have trust issues as a result, I am certainly not getting anywhere, I am on red alert and sexually I am very messed up- I can’t let anyone near me. I battle self esteem every day and feel disgusting.

    • HAVOCA says:

      Any type of physical abuse leaves many scars. Combine this with the psychological mind games that seem to be a part of this situation it certainly sounds like you were subjected to abuse. More importantly some of the symptoms you mention are indicative of an abusive past.

      The main thing to focus on is the control you now have to change things. You are no longer under your father’s spell and can break free and start to heal. By posting here you have proved you have the courage and motivation to take the next step.

      Depending on your lifetime goals I would thoroughly recommend seeking professional help to guide you through the process. You might also like to hook up with other survivors even through our forums or by finding a local survivors group.

      Good luck and be kind to yourself.

    • aniket says:

      I’ve lost faith in humanity, I mean how could a father can beat this bad to his child! Jesus!

      Ohh you’re such a brave kid. Be a good example young boy.

      My blessings are always with you.

    • mimilove says:

      Dearest Rebecca, How terrible to have to live through what you did. And how brave to be able to describe it so accurately. It is normal you feel so messed up about sex and relationships…and it is not you who is disgusting its your father’s actions.
      YOu will heal completely withGod’s power. Check out Joyce Meyer’s testimony, she. was sexually abused by her father from the age of 7 to 18. She now helps humanity spiritually and pragramitcally. SHe completely healed withJesus. Christ. Her story is an inspiration and will help you see how your traumatic experience can be transformed into a powerful weapon and tool to your Awesome Divine Destiny. God bless you Rebecca.

  3. rebecca anne says:

    thank you.

  4. Lena says:

    Was I abused?
    I know there was some emotional abuse in my family, but learning about abuse has brought up two very strong memories that I had forgoten. I cant remember how old I was I just know it happened somewhere between the ages of 7 and 11 (this part of my childhood is really blurry in my memory). One was my mother forcing me to strip down and have a bath with both my parents in the bathroom, at the time I had been bathing alone for years, and I wanted to do it alone but my mother told me I couldnt because there was a power outage, still I couldnt understand why I couldnt do it alone or why my father had to be there, I remember him just sitting on a chair in the bathroom looking at me, not doing anything except holding a flashlight (it could be placed anywhere in the bathroom). The second memory was us being at a public beach, my whole family was there along with some family friends ad their children, when my mother decided I had to change my bathing suite because it was wet and stripped me naked in front of everyone and gave me another one to put on, I remember asking her not to, or to at least hold up a towel so the other wouldnt see me, but she refused and stripped me down. I feel really confused and dont know what to think or do.

    • HAVOCA says:

      Thank you for sharing your story but I’m sorry you have the need to search us out in the first place. Any case of abuse is horrific and the first few steps are often the worst. Reaching out is just the beginning of what can become a soul searching journey. Your next step is really dependent on how you feel best able to proceed. We generally point people in three directions:

      Professional Help
      Self help
      Community help

      Have a look through each of the areas which are linked to pages on the site. You might find one that immediately grabs your attention. Feel free to email us privately or here, publicly, if you need any further help/support.

  5. Ashley Barnes says:

    Was I abused? This is a bit long. Sorry.
    I haven’t seen my father in years, but the thought of him still frightens me. I don’t know if I was abused by him or not, even if it was just a little.
    When I was younger, he would yell at me and my brother all the time. He would yell at us over little things. He had big anger issues and bipolar disorder, so his mood could change from happy to extremely angry in a matter of seconds. When he would yell at me, he would say hurtful things. He would call me fat and stupid, and after a while, I started to believe it.
    My mom and dad are split up. They absolutely hate each other. I live with my mom and would see my dad every other weekend. My dad would always tell me that my mom is a horrible person and that she was the reason I was so stupid.
    My dad could be scary sometimes. When he was really mad at me, he would grab the back of my neck and pull me so close to his face that our noses were practically touching. He had so much fury in his eyes that I was scared for my safety. Sometimes when he grabbed my neck, he would squeeze so hard that couldn’t breathe. One day, my father embarrassed me in front of one of his friends that was over at our house. I started to get tears in my eyes and tried to hide them so my father couldn’t see them. He saw them anyway and he got very angry. He asked me why I was crying and I tried to deny it. He suddenly grabbed me and told me he would give me something to cry about. He dragged me to my room and bent me over the bed. He grabbed my neck squeezed till I couldn’t breathe. I wheezed out that I couldn’t breathe, but he said that he didn’t care. He then started spanking me very hard (my dad is a very strong man and has huge hands). He went on for so long that I was screaming in pain by the end. He then left the room while I laid on my bed crying. That was one of the times that I remember the most.
    My dad would hit us sometimes. I remember one time that my dad got mad at my brother and smacked him across the face. My brother got a huge gash. My father told us that is people asked about my brother’s face, to tel them that he fell. My dad would also spank us with a belt, and that hurt like hell.
    My father also has a drinking problem. He one time went to jail because he got drunk in public. Ar least, that’s what I what I think happened. I also heard it could have been marijuana. When he would drink, he got more moodier than usual.
    Today, the thought of him makes he have anxiety attacks. One time my teacher got mad at me and my friends because we were talking to much. He said that if we kept on talking, he would be inches from our faces. That comment set me off. I remembered my dad and got tears in my eyes. I got scared of my teacher then. He reminded me of my father. My heart race picked up and I had a small panic attack. It was too small for anyone to notice. But my mood was down for the rest of the day.
    I hate when people touch me, also. When I do see my dad, I especially hate when he touches or hugs me. I just tense up.
    I have huge anger and social issues. I can get mad over little things and I’m not a very social person. My little friends I do have, I wait to see what they are like. I have only told my best friend- who I have known the longest- about my problems, and that’s because I trust her. I have big trust issues, also. I wait to see what someone is like before I can really trust them. My father has done things that ruined my trust in him. He would act like he was nice, but that was just a facade.
    I used to cut myself. I was pained by my fathers actions and I couldn’t help myself.
    I don’t have much else to say, so this is it. In my mind, I can’t see my father’s actions as abuse, but I can’t help it. Please give me your opinion on whether my father abused me or not. Also, do you think I should get help? What I have told you in this topic is only half of what my father did. There are many other things that I didn’t explain. That’s all for now.

    • gt says:

      Reading your comment brought tears to my eyes because it reminded me so much of what my childhood experience was too. It’s hard for me to define for myself if what I experienced was abuse, because never did my father leave a physical mark. But I am a grown woman now, and the wounds are still fresh and painful inside. I want so badly to forgive and move on, but seeing him is so painful. I did see a counselor for a few months which helped a lot, but now I’m not sure if I should write him a letter or not. I am a caring and nurturing person who prides myself on being compassionate and having empathy for all people. I want so badly to understand why my father was such a cruel person at times. But the fact is, I was a child. Small, vulnerable, and looking to him for love and protection. He failed me, he hurt me. Whether or not he abused me with his hands, or words, or by neglecting me, the pain is there. I hope you seek out the healing you need. Know that you are not alone and that you can get through these difficult times.

      • Elaine Sipos says:

        I had a violent alcoholic father. After not seeing him for 20 yrs I decided to forgive him as I didn’t want any regrets and wanted to let go. I had imagined his life and what it would’ve taken for him to get to that place. I do not agree with his choices but I had compassion for him as a hurting human being. It’s easiest to picture them as a little child first. As I knew he wasn’t safe to be around I decided to phone him and tell him I forgave him. I didn’t have any expectations except to express that sentiment. I didn’t want contact or to remain in touch. He died a few years later and wasn’t told for about 6 months after his death. I’m glad I did that as I can let it go. My brother and sister are still very bitter and angry.

  6. Nicola says:

    Why is ‘watching domestic violence’ always defined as – usually – a man beating his female partner? What about children who had to watch their siblings being beaten to a pulp? No site I’ve been on ever acknowledges that witnessing domestic abuse isn’t always seeing the man hitting another adult. They don’t seem to recognize how terrifying it is to see your little sister being smashed about, while the mother refuses to help, denies it’s happening, or even sets the father off in the first place.

    • Robo says:

      Yes that’s so right,the pain and memorys of abuse never go away.myself and my mum sisters and brother all were abused mentally physically emotionally,and sexually.Both our parents abused us and both our parents did not care for us ,and both our parents argued and fought till blood spilled,and no one helped us kids,I even rang the police as a young child several times ,the police came,nothing happened,no help from the police either,because I was a child and not a adult ,so no proof,then I got abused more for phoning the police,I eventually ran away from home,I had to leave my sister and brothers behind,I havnt seen them in 33 years,I love them so much,and they have no idea.breaks my heart,I feel worthless,I feel I should have stayed for there sake,at the time the abuse was unbearable.Today when people are nice I get overly overwhelmed and emotional because I just never had niceness as a kid not even a cuddle.I will never stop hurting.

      • inna says:

        I just wanted to let you know that you are heard. My abuse is also very bad. I don’t know what to do, reading your story about leaving, honestly makes me emotional because it’s what I want to do for the better.

    • Gabrielle L Tollerson says:

      right? And people ignore that women can be abusive as well..both my parents were pure horseshit that only mocked me and neglected me

  7. Me says:

    Hi, I battle with certain things, I don’t trust what I think or say is true, sorry if that sounds nuts, I remember certain things but then I doubt myself I’m a grown woman with children but this thing has haunted me for years, I don’t think I remember a specific act, although I remember the feeling when I woke up that he had come and gone and touched me where he shouldn’t have, I’m tearing up as I type that and I still doubt my self. I “remember” if I can say it like that, covering myself up over the lower part of my body with a piece of board, another time locking the door, another time thinking I should put drawing pins on the floor, remember lying looking towards the door before going to sleep, another time going to his room and telling him to stop or I’d tell, also thinking in about 3 years he’d be going to the army, another time thinking wearing a sanitary towel would help, so on that I would presume grade 7 or grade 8 time period, I can’t remember seeing him I can’t remember being awake when he did it just knowing he had come and gone, I don’t remember how many times, I don’t remember, I don’t remember I don’t remember!.
    But it’s been about 30 years and it still haunts me, it’s like memories that I have, but I don’t trust they are real, if he had to say I was talking rubbish I would not fight it, I have almost an obsession to find him and see what he’s doing and if he’s around children, and feel guilty what if he did do that to me and I didn’t make it up and now he’s doing that and worse to others and I didn’t say anything, that would be my fault. Someone told me that he had exposed himself to someone around the similar time period, I even battle to accept that I remember that that was what they actually said, I doubt myself in everything, the first time I spoke about it was in 1990 , 4 years after.
    But he lays low under the radar and doesn’t contact family much. I sort of know where he is now but not what he looks like, I want to know what he looks like! Even with all my doubts and lack of trust in myself he would never be allowed near my children!!
    Yet I have this obsession to find out about him, it’s like a story without an ending, I’ve never told my parents.
    It makes me feel crazy, I have started in therapy for depression and stress and this topic has come up bit but bit and the other day I saw a friendship request from him on face book and our therapy session was quite intense.
    My therapist said what does my gut instinct say, I said yes, but them in the same breath I say but I can’t trust that what I’m saying is the truth and not some lie I’m making up, but why would I do that, this is what goes on in my head. Apart of me wants to be in the same room as him to see how I feel and his reaction if any, but I’m also nervous in some way. He feels bigger than me, he is older than me by 4 years, but it doesn’t feel like it’s just about age. My therapist said he thinks I was, I don’t know what I really remember, if it was real or maybe that cannot have been my life it happening to me. I’m tired

  8. Kathleen Riggins says:

    I suggest you join up on the FORUM section and do some reading. You will find (sadly) that you are not alone (which can be a relief in itself). Also, continue reading through the Main Site page. I hope you can all find some measure of peace.

  9. Teri Fale says:

    Can victims of troublesome childhoods have normal adult lives?

  10. Leanne says:

    When I was 15 I was in what I thought was a relationship with a 29 year old man. He picked me up in his car and took me back to his house. I always felt grown up and special and in a way liked it. But now and for the last few years, I’ve started thinking about how wrong it was. I was 15 and still a child. Should he have realised that? I don’t know if it’s abuse or not but I’ve just had a melt down about it after reliving something. I’m now 32 and I couldn’t imagine having a relationship with someone under 16 so in my head I feel like he abused me and made me think some of the things he was getting me to do were ‘normal’ and I felt so grown up doing them. He would pick me up from school sometimes.

  11. Mariam says:

    can someone tell me if this is abuse? im 15 and as a child (around 5 or 6) when my parents were going through divorce i feel as though my mother would take her anger out on me, by hitting me or locking me in a dark room while i cried and slapping me , pulling my hair etc. when i was 8 i decided to go live with my father for a while and he never hit me. one time an uncle came to visit who i think ive surpressed memories of, but thats not significant. when i went back to my mother when i was 11 or 12 i feel as though she never forgave me for leaving her, and would constantly compare me to my father as useless and aloof and a lot of other things. She would still hit me at times and I was usually afraid to be home and would tell me that I was ungrateful and a burden upon her. i started self harming as a way of punishing myself or grounding myself when i was 13. im still afraid of her at times but i feel that as a single mother shes done a lot for us considering how our father doesnt send much money for child support. shes tried her best with us even though she may hurt us at times i feel as though im over reacting ? could someone please help

    • Vera says:

      You are not overreacting and I am sorry this is happening to you. It sounds like abuse from what you are describing. I found this page because I was abused as well, I am 30 now and still dealing with it and still trying to heal. At your age, I was beat by my father regularly and very violent towards others because of it. I know what it’s like to try and make sense of things, “why are they doing this if they love you?”, “is this what all parents do?”, “am I overreacting?”, but the fact is: what she is doing to you is wrong, and will have a negative impact on your life/ future relationships. I would suggest to confide in a close friend or relative you can trust. It feels good to talk about it, even if it may be upsetting, in the long term it will help you heal. It makes it real. It releases pain. It allows you to move on. I hope you are able to get yourself out of that living situation and somewhere safe. I got a job as soon as I could, left at 18, and will never live back in that hell of a home. There is no reason to make excuses for your Mother’s actions, you need to acknowledge that this isn’t right or normal and most importantly it isn’t your fault. There is no reason for her to verbally or physically abuse you, or for it to happen to anyone. I wish you the best of luck.

  12. Alison says:

    Was i abused? I have anxiety disorder, insomnia and have nightmare frequently since I was young( like 5 years old or sth) and I was diagnosed depression and anxiety disorder not until I was 22.

    My mother used to beat me with fire woods, bamboo sticks when I was a young child . The next day, there were marks on my skin. She said the marks would let others know how bad I was. And sometimes she locked me outside the house alone in the dark. Once, she hit me with a little Plastic stick. It broke into two pieces and my lips were bleeding at that time. But she didn’t feel sorry for that.And she never hug me or kisses me when I was a child. She threw away the card I draw her in front of me. And she scold at me and called me names when she had bad moods. She would ignore me for days and made me feel like I was the worse kid in the world if I didnt do things she expected. ( such as not wearing dress to a family meeting, not asking my father money for family expenses, telling my father was giving me a pet for birthday gift)

    But as I can rmb, she had never beaten me up in front of my father. Since I could only see my father once a month when I was young, my mother was the only person I could rely on. When I was 7, my mother moved to another country. i was took care of by grandma. I felt really sad and missed my mother a lot.

    I disccuss the above punishments with her when I grew up. She said that was just fair punishments for being naughty. And she gets really angry everytime I mentioned how bad she had treat me when I was young so I stopped talking about that. And she ascribes My depression to the broke up with my gf and describe me as wired and pathetic.

    I was really confused. She always said she loved me very much and tried her best to raise me up. But I can’t feel it. I always feel I am not loved and they will redundan me if I don’t give them enough money or not doing things they expect

    I am not sure whether my mother was one of the factors to my emotional problems or just I was such a bad daughter to blame her for my own faults. I still cry at midnights sometime when I think about this.

  13. Ath says:

    Was I abused?
    Being thrown on the toilet floor and being slapped in the head by objects, having objects thrown at me, being told that I should leave the house because I didn’t want to follow my parents to a party then being tied with my father’s shirt and being forcively shoved outdoors. Being called stupid and ignorant for taking breaks in-between study and homework sessions. Being kicked in the head multiple times, being slapped, having punches thrown at me. But all for mistakes and not switching off the lights, etc. I find punishment for things like this alright, but is it considered abuse? I don’t think physical abuse was necessary but they had my well-being in mind.

  14. Marg says:

    My father was a drunk sorry lets use the modern word alchoholic. My parents divorced and my father left when I was 8. He had visitation rights he would take me out for the day and he would get drunk. I was left for hours on beaches or outside pubs he just disappeared leaving me alone to my own devices. I had a nightmare holiday with him. We stayed at a boarding house went out in the morning when the pubs opened I was outside with nothing to do. This happened every day apart from a walk round a harbour that was it. He made me humiliated when he was on a train and he would be lurching all over the place I shrank into my seat it had terrible effects on my self esteem.My mother would often hit me and my cousin was present one time and mother hit me so hard my cousin winced mother would say I didn’t want you and anyway I wanted a boy not a girl. In the long summer nights in the UK I was sent to my room with nothing much to do at 6pm it was about 5 hours before night came. I never told her about how dad was when he took me out.Sometimes I would just lose it and get really angry one time a neighbor rushed in as mother was strangling me I couldn’t breathe. I dont know how the neighbour knew I think I may have screamed before she started to throttle me. When my mother remarried My stepfather criticised me constantly he couldnt wait for me to just go so I waited until I was 17 when I left and joined the army the abuse I suffered there I can’t even go into here. I was lucky I wasn’t raped but somehow I escaped 4 times. I eventually married a wonderful man but I watched him carefully to make sure he wasn’t a drunk. He offered me love shelter and made sure I had all I ever needed. I have a good marriage but the memories of those bad times haunt me and I am over 70 now. I loather drunks and people who abuse children they are the scum of the earth. If anyone reading this is in a similar position I was I encourage them to leave asap when they are old enough to just get out.

    • Debbie says:

      I understand exactly what you mean Marg. I am 64 and the trauma I endured as a child and young teen remains with me today. It never leaves you completely. If anyone is experiencing abuse by those who are supposed to love and protect them, I strongly encourage them to leave that situation as soon as possible. Don’t expect these people to change…they will not…don’t except these peoples to really love you…they don’t and are not capable and most of all … don’t expect these people to help you…they won’t. You have to take back control of your own life and, I can tell you from experience that isn’t easy BUT it is crucial you do this.
      I did that 20 years ago and never looked back. Best thing I ever did for myself but I had help and under the care of a very compassionate Doctor, I was able to find the strength to rebuild…ME! Both my parents are deceased now. Memories remain but faded by time…I don’t want to EVER forget … nor could I but instead I remember now with much more understanding, less anxiety and fear. For years I was afraid…always afraid and never knew why but it seems that over the years, being away from them allowed me to heal so that I wasn’t as scared anymore.
      So to anyone out there struggling with enduring domestic violence…DON’T…you need to get out of that situation. You owe it to yourself to seek help. You can do this! If I could do it…you can too <3

  15. Meg says:

    “Emotional neglect involves not getting loved, not receiving sympathy, affection or empathy. All of which are essential for the child’s upbringing.”

    I really am not sure if what I went through really counts as abuse. It’s just so subtle that I have no idea if it’s “oh my Dad is just a human who has issues” or if it’s “no my dad should not have acted that way”. I don’t know. It’s really less about what my Dad did versus what he DID NOT do. When we were little, I remember he would play games with my sister and I, hug us, and tell us he loved us. Once we were pre-teens and teenagers, he withdrew. There’s many reasons why he might have done this (my sister and I suspect he developed depression because of financial issues, failure to keep our parents business afloat, ect.). Just recently my Dad has started trying to get closer again. It still feels weird to hug him and tell him I love him. Because frankly, I don’t even really like him as a person.

    He would always claim that our mom was overemotional and I never felt like I could open up to him. I mean.. how could I open up to someone who wouldn’t even initiate a hug. Anyhow, my Dad also had/has a short temper, especially when frustrated or stressed. I unfortunately have that same inclination and I hate it. But I’ve gotten better about it. I think distancing myself from both my parents has helped me a lot with being a more balanced and healthy person. I don’t know. I’ve been diagnosed with anxiety and depression.

    Now I’m going to share an e-mail I sent my parents (the names are changed but I’m still honestly a bit worried they might see it on here but oh well, I just want to gauge everything and see if you all think I’m nuts to call this abuse):

    “Dear Mom and Dad,
    I just spent the past hour or maybe longer crying on Scott’s lap. I tell you this not to make you feel guilty. I am frustrated that no matter what I do or how hard I try to make things better or be a good daughter it is never enough. How can I possibly make people happy who refuse to be and refuse to change anything for the better?
    Mom,
    I love you and nothing will change that. But… I AM NOT YOUR THERAPIST. GO GET ONE. You have made me terrified I will become like you and Dad. So much so it sometimes affects my relationship with Scott. You need to start talking to Dad about things whether or not I am there. I’d rather see you two communicating than pretending everything is fine.
    Dad,
    I love you and nothing will change that. When mom and I try to make things better, we don’t need criticism. Samantha and I want our father around but if you don’t go to the Doctor, who knows how young you may die. Not going to the Doctor is downright selfish. Don’t you care enough about yourself anyway to take care of your body? We also crave your presence at home. It hurts to not have my father connect with me.
    You two need to resolve things either by moving forward together or separating. But either way, I can’t live in a broken household with people unwillingly to talk to each other. I think if things continue to be this way I will go insane. I’d rather not leave thinking the only reason to go back home is to see Rooty. Do something or see me less. There are your options.”

  16. Hey can someone tell me if this is abuse?
    When I was a kid I remember my mom and dad fighting a lot, and my dad was huge compared to me and scared the tar out of me. He would yelll and scream and throw things. He would yell and scream in my face and he terrified me. He would cuss at me and I think I have been called every name in the book.
    I could normally feel the tension building before it hit and bailed out but my little brother would never go with me. He got spanked a lot so much that my mom threatened to call the police.

    I remember distinctly at age 5 getting the I disown you as my child speech from him ( and so does my mother) and also I distinctly remember at age 6 I think, looking at the butcher block on the counter and deciding 100% that if he ever hurt my mom I was going to sneak into his room at night and put a knife through his neck. I would not go to jail I knew and my mom and me and my brother could have a happy life and be safe. ( er, don’t ask me how I came to that conclusion) but I had a freaky high reading level and newspapers were water to an intellectually thirsty mind if you get me. Hit the college level in like 3rd or 4rth grade.

    My dad has taken an open hand and hit me in the ear like a side swipe, he has threatened to kill me and my brother like a million times. I always thought the white parents please beat your kdis thing was funny from pablo francisco because of the go ahead and phone child aid line, that was basically my dad except it was go ahead and call someone I dont care if I go to jail etc. I remember getting spanked and things by my mom like normal – you did (x )bend over get spanked like twice and then your free to go.
    But its really hard for me to remember anything about my dad I remember being absolutely terrified and crying and he would yell at me for crying and say i’ll give you something to cry about etc. I remember always living in fear and being afraid of him and watching constantly to make sure I could bail out if things looked bad- to rake the lawn or some other thing I could make up or to just disappear out a side door.

    I remember being grabbed and shaken repeatedly with him screaming right in my face quite a few times. I can only partly remember him spanking me as a kid and I think he has basically hit me a couple times in the side of the head. Not hard enough to knock my block off or anything but hard enough to hurt and panic me. And not like a nice little cute tap- funny/joke you did something stupid silly – hit.

    I can’t remember a lot of physical confrontation with my dad, like it’s just either blank spots or not there. Like I watched that video of the Texas judge beating his daughter for comparison.
    Her fear of her dad in that video is what I recognize a lot and I feel so bad for her. But the physical beating for me wasn’t anywhere near how he kept hitting her. So I guess I can’t tell. When I think of abuse I think of someone beating the tar out of you and leaving bruises and breaking bones.
    I have been choked but that was from someone else also as a small child at the time and the other individual was once again way bigger than me.
    And I guess I remember a couple of spanking where my dad went what I would call to far but normally instead of submitting to it I stood up to him and refused to do what he wanted ( my mom had signed me up for martial arts classes and I was pretty darn good at it) and if I stood up to him a lot of times he would just fizzle out and go back to screaming and yelling.

    But my dad is also a nice person- er… He shows affection by buying stuff. Literally random stuff. Like he never apologizes but he will come sit next to you and bring you something like a hammer or a mango and kind of talk about how nice the hammer or mango is and then say that you can have it. It’s kind of funny to watch actually. He always provided for us as a family and was absent a lot because of work. He was a jerk. But well I guess he’s my dad ( he gets the position for years of effort and improvement) and I love the jerk. And I don’t remember a lot of encouragement but I remember some encouragement. And I remember him standing up for me several times. And he actively got a whole lot better than he was when I was younger.

    Please someone help if you can I am trying to figure out how to keep this out of my relationship. But I just can’t tell it this i abuse

    • Nick says:

      I’ve had a lot of the same experiences with my mother. She didn’t hit me quite as much but she sure did control me through guilt and fear. I’m still living with her. I’ve thought about sucidie. I’m not sure what to do.I have no friends. She’s the only person I really know.

  17. Tommy says:

    Was I abused?

    Sorry if it’s a bit long..

    When I was 8 (maybe a bit younger or older) my mother took my sisters and I to Australia for what was supposed to be a 3 week (or month, I’m not sure) holiday. We stayed at my half-sister’s place, who was with my brother-in-law (back then, he was only my future brother-in-law). We ended staying there a year, maybe more, maybe less.
    I used to be a child who- though I’m so so ashamed to say it- wouldn’t wear undergarments.. I just couldn’t (Obviously, I do now, I’d never stay like that again) well my brother-in-law used to tip me upside down so the blood rushed to my head to ‘check if I was wearing underwear’ or pull my pants or shorts down, he’d do it in-front of all the family present and I’d always feel so horrible and disgusted with myself. The only times he didn’t do this was when I was wearing dresses or skirts which had shorts attached to them. Once he did this in-front of my half-sisters visitors, including a baby, a kid around 6 and the mother, I went to my room and locked myself in the closet after that happened- after all, people I barely knew had just seen my genitals and my ass thanks to him.

    He used to leave sexual magazines, or as they called them, “stick magazines” scattered on the desk where we all see them.

    He used to yell at me if I did the slightest things wrong, once I accidentally slammed the door and all I can remember is trying to open the door quickly and shouting “SORRY! THAT WAS AN ACCIDENT!” all I could hear was him loud stomping and I knew he was going to yell at me. When he came in, he yelled so much at me, I was in full tears. I apologized and told him it was an accident and he said something along the lines “It better have been” and left the room with the door closed.

    I remember sometimes he’d walk in on my sisters when they were getting dressed on purple to ‘teach them to lock the door’.. which was weird, since I’m pretty sure he DIDN’T want us to lock doors in the house???

    I was always an EXTREMELY picky eater (I blame myself), but when I lived with him it was either do or die (or so it seems) and I would be forced to stay at the table for hours and eat everything, even if it meant I gagged or threw up. If I didn’t, he’d send me to my room at 7PM and keep in my room all night (which I suspect was the reason for my insomnia) I was never able to sleep because I’d be crying, I shared a room with my mum (at-least for some while..) and all I would is cry and sit in the dark in the room with the only light from the cracks under the door until she came back, only then would I be able to fall asleep which I’m pretty sure sent me into a bad schedule where I’d be awake as a 8 year old till about midnight and fall asleep late night or early morning (1AM, 2AM) which to me doesn’t sound like much now, but for an 8 year old that isn’t very nice.. especially spending 2 hours in your room, in the dark without anything to do and forbidden from doing anything either way.
    Once I felt very sick, I woke up early one morning feeling very nauseous, yet I somehow had the thought and reminder in my head saying, “Maybe you just need to eat, then you’ll feel better!” That’s the stupidest thing I could of ever thought, after I had ate, I couldn’t walk because I felt so much sicker from the food, I had to crawl with my hands and legs from one side of the house to the other to vomit, I think that may be because of how much I was forced to eat.

    One time (I’m not sure if it was only one time, I don’t remember well) I wasn’t eating properly and he locked me in the bathroom for around 3 hours, the only time I was allowed out was when he needed to piss, he came needed to and said he forgot about me, and then put me in the other bathroom until he was done, then he locked my back in. (Keep in mind I had no water and no drink because this was in the toilet bathroom, not the showering and bathing bathroom, and it was a very small space) On the door there rules that we had to follow and that’s the only thing I could do, read those and sit on the floor and wait.

    I remember one time he brought the family into my mum and I’s room and we were all talking, I don’t remember what about, and he decided to do the chinese burn on me. Of all people, the weakest, youngest, most directed person in the household. It hurt so much because he was a grown man and he was physically hurting me.

    I’m not sure if this was all that happened because I have bad memory, tbh. I fell into depression a few years ago but luckily I am 8 months and 14 days free from self-harm and I am NO LONGER within his house. I live in a separate country now.. but I can’t help but think how terrible he was.

    Am I exaggerating??? Please reply, thanks.

  18. Ralph says:

    My mom used to spank me with a raw hide dog leash when she wanted to discipline me. During my childhood I was hit with the dog leash, open hands, fly swaters, and switches.

    I was an effeminate child and I identify as gay. My mom would call me derogatory names, although the name calling was not an everyday occurrence. I was also put in the middle of argue,ents she had with her long term boyfriend.

    Was this abuse? I’m asking because the actions were part of my life; I did not know any other reality.

    Please help give me some perspective on this situation.

  19. Christie Jackson says:

    My sister and i went through a great deal of abuse growing up from our alcoholic step father. I remember him beating my sister because she spilt his coke he had hiding in the silverware drawer. She was 4. I was 7. As we got older my mom worked more, my sister stayed gone more and i was left to babysit.
    He was very physically abusive and verbally abusive. By the time i was 13 he became sexually abusive. Not long after i lost my bedroom door privledges. He would walk in when i was in the shower i would wake up he would be standing over me with a gun.i moved out at 16 lived on the streets a while and felt safer than i did at home. He died 2 years ago. Now i see him, knowing hes dead and think hes trying to kill me. Im 45 now. Not a child anymore just scared 🙁 i have a therapist its not helping. Ive been diagnosed bipolar meds have helped some but i am one messed up woman and i cant wait to feel normal again!

  20. Justin Yoon says:

    Was I abused?
    When I was in middle school I became depressed and my grades quickly plummeted. My dad wasn’t around the house very often because of his job so my mom mainly took care of me and my sister. As a result of my bad grades my mom would punish me by hitting and yelling at me at least once a week. She would beat me with household objects like wooden spoons and rulers until they would break. Or she would pinch me or scratch me until I bled. One time she got so angry that when I looked in the mirror she left ten black bruises on my back. In eighth grade she was diagnosed with cancer and told me that it was my fault because “the stress of having such a terrible son made her body weak”. When I told her I was depressed and suicidal instead of comforting me she told me that sometimes she has fantasies of me dying. The reason I’m not sure if this is abuse is that my childhood wasn’t always like this. She was a good mother in elementary school when I had good grades. My sister also thinks that I’m being too harsh at my mom and that because my mom seems remorseful for her past actions I should forgive her. Whenever I think back to my past and consider whether or not this was abuse I always feel guilty because she did struggle having to take care of both me and my sister.

  21. Addison says:

    Hello, my name is Grace Vandwolke and please tell me if this is abuse or not.
    My dad died when I was around 3-5 years old. He fell off a rollercoaster at Darien lake amusement park. My mom became depressed but she still took care of me and my sister. We couldn’t make enough money and later that year we started to live with my grandparents. I love them so much! We lived with them for about two years. When we finally moved out we got a place in Verginia to stay. Then mom got a boyfriend, he was ok but I just wanted it to be me and my mom and my sister. But he ended up cheating on her. So she dumped him and she again became depressed. When she met my step dad at a gym she loved him. After a year of dating he proposed. But that is when he started getting physical. He started to grab us, throw things at us and many more things. But he would only do that stuff when my mom wasn’t around. He is very mean and puts me and my sister down a lot. He is just very mean. I know it might not be abuse but I don’t really want to tell my mom about it because I feel like she won’t believe me because she loves him so much.

  22. The Random Gamer says:

    Ive been shammed mocked i have health problemes autism depresion doctor also thinks I have a mood disorder been fat shammed by a teacher got bullied by kids and teachers all this happened from age 3-17 and I even told my abuser how I felt and he said that He didnt even give a shit about how I feel my granddad hit me with a fly Swatter and grandmom pulled my hair extrmly hrd that I cried and im bi I only told one persone in the family and they accepted me also my dad would get mad at the stupidest shit in the world

    • Anonymous sad teen says:

      Is this abuse? My dad gets really angry over things that aren’t really important (like not setting the dinner table fast enough). When he gets angry he insultes me and swears at me a lot. He often calls me a cunt and twists the truth to make himself reasonable and make me seem crazy. But then a while after he does that he turns back to being my dad. My mum isn’t really emotionally there for me or my siblings. I just feel like she’s absent. She just orders us around and yells at us. My parents aren’t very supportive either. I’m in middle school (which really sucks, my school is really strict and the food is disgusting) and when I come home after school and I tell my dad about my day he doesn’t really listen and just goes through Twitter, and on the rare chance my mum is there she’s talking to my dad and mocking me about “whinging” about my day.

  23. Paycee says:

    Am I Being Abused? Im Paycee and im 12. I was adopted when i was 2. I love my family, exept my dad. He is the worst. He scares me 🙁 He always tells me how usless i am and calls me a coward. He takes all his anger out on me.He slaps me in the face for no reason, he hits my back reaaaaalllllllyyyyyy hard with his belt, i have so many bruises and scratches. He also will pick me up by my neck where i have trouble breathing and throw me at a wall. He tells me that im not part of his fmily and i cant eat what my mom cooks, so i eat one piece of bread. Im hungry. Im not allowed to eat brekfast or lunch. Just one piece of bread at dinner. Whenever i have the chance i will go lock myself in the bathroom and sob. im 49 pounds and im in 6th almost 7th grade. I cant do it much longer. i cant stand. Im hungry…

    • Theresa says:

      Paycee, you need to call 911 for emergency help! Yes, you are being abused and police will help you! Call today and find out how to contact a school teacher in your area! I know schools are closed but maybe look online if you have it and find one of your teachers! Or a neighbor that will find help without telling your parents. Obviously, your mom will not be helpful! You are very smart to look for help! Sending love and courage your way! Be safe, sweetie and let us know you are ok,please!

    • Katrina says:

      Yes and you or a trusted adult need to call the police.

    • Simone Zoe Frost says:

      Not allowing you to eat is neglect.
      His neglecting you.
      Ad the more your only allowed pieces of bread at times that could make you become malnourished and can course health issues.

      My kids get cooked meals.
      Snacks aswell.

      Odd takeaway

      Sorry but no idea why they adopted you to just neglect you
      But not actually feeding you.

      I never got a belt
      I font agree on it.
      Yes parents spank using objects is a no no.

      Yes I’ve hers of parents hitting objects on things to make the child listen.

      But I’ve never used a object on a child.

    • Quinn says:

      call 911! this is a serious problem! you need help! go to your mom and try to get her to help. if that does not work, use your gut to make the right call. i am 13 so i can relate.

  24. Yvonne Mikulencak says:

    Greetings! My name is Yvonne. My father was my hero, but my mother (who I believe was autistic like me) abused me by beating me with her fists and objects when she had “meltdowns” She threw things at my father. My siblings copied her behavior. She beat them as well. Both my siblings married horrific women and a man who were as violent as our mother. I married a man who was like my father. I am finding being open about this has freed me from the emotional pain I endured for 67 yrs. I am hoping to get support and help me keep my Free feelings a part of my life instead of the shame and constantly remembering my mother’s abuse. I am diagnosed with PTSD from being abusively raised by my mom and the abuse from my siblings. I am feeling free after reading many psychological articles on shame because of child abuse. I want it to last.

  25. LUQMAN SHAMSUDDEEN says:

    Am i being abused? so i live in an nice house but my dad isnt very nice. sometimes if he tells me to sweep the floor and i dont do it he would punch me in the chest back and my sides really hard. he would also do this if me and my sister would argue or i do annoy her. And also sometimes i would get really mad and i would try to do anything i can back but he would either punch harder or he would b\pin me down with his fingers in my neck and thought so i cant breathe and he woukd keep them there for a solid 5 seconds and he would he would do it again and this happens almost everyday. he would also pin me down with his elbow in my neck so i cant breathe or he would put his finger in my neck like underneath my jawline and collorbone really hard and if i get loud hell do it harder until hes done talking.please get back to me.

    • Simone Zoe Frost says:

      Omg that’s awful I’m sorry that happened.

      My kids dont do what there told and I get stressy but yes I do shout
      But I never use my fists or objects.
      Even a smack makes me feel guilty.

  26. Jane Hill says:

    I was hit and grab by the throat but because he said sorry it is ok. He continues to speak to me like dirt. I’m being accused of going mental because I fight back. Why can I not just get over it?

  27. The brat says:

    I’m trying to find a definition..someone like me. Is it me? Surely I could not have accidentally come into these things, it has to be me.
    I was labeled “bad” at a very young age. I was told how BAD and how much of a brat I was, often…and still to this day, they “remind” me. I’m in my 40’s now, and can’t remember a time when life was sweet. I wonder how such a young child could be left alone long enough to destroy heavy-duty items…where were the adults? Never the question, just why are you so naughty?! Which seemed to perpetuate spite. I watched my dad abuse my mom. Eventually it switched to me, around 5-6, and never went back. She didn’t stop it, and I didn’t fight it because she was no longer being hurt. Also, due to the nature of my moms work, she painted a grim picture of poverty and homelessness, if I ever told on him. There was NEVER sexual abuse, just to be clear. It almost seemed like a concerted effort, as time passed. The younger and older sibling feeling I somehow deserved ridiculous demands, physical and psychological abuse along with emotional neglect. It never stopped, until it moved out. I swear I’ve got PTSD.

    I did somehow manage to add in another abuser, BEFORE moving out though:( I started going out with a friend when I was 13. At 15, he started to get abusive…very abusive. He was older than me. My dad actually witnessed him assaulting me once. Did he help me? No, said later that I was tough and could handle it. I’m not big, or strong…really could have used his help to stop it. It was during this time I learned my mom was “certain I would be a teenage suicide”…but she never did ANYTHING to stop it. No talks, no support, you COULD go to a therapists…but you may not be honest about what really hurts you, not even checking in on me after rough days or acknowledging what dad had done that day. If I just kept my mouth shut..maybe he would stop. So two(+) abusers at ince. I left that violent realtionship, 5 years later, and never looked back.

    Not quite the end, sadly. The abuse in my marriage started about 3 years before we actually got married. But the violence escalated as time has gone on. I tell everyone, I INTRODUCED the violence, not going to lie. It was my only problem-solving method with relationships, that I knew:( Until one day, I just stopped. It wasn’t right and not healthy. Plus I was NOT allowing our child to endure what I had…my husband was/is NEVER physical with our child. So I stopped…he did not. Its been some time now, about a year since the last physical incident. But the mind games and demeaning..all that junk is still there.

    So is it me? Am I THE instigator, the problem maker…my own worst enemy?
    Gah, I just really needed to vent. Because my mom “taught” me “well” what happens if you seek help and tell the truth about whats ailing you, to physicians, I told you. Thank you for listening.

  28. Duncan says:

    I am being abused. My father is hardly a parent- he screams at me that I am not enough for him, that I need to act, behave, and do certain things. He calls me a failure daily for having mental disorders that I have absolutely no control over and disregards them despite him knowing the sheer amount of trauma I’ve been through since I was born. My father wasn’t really my father til I was around thirteen years of age, as that was when he’s finally gotten out of prison (which I later found out was due to raping my cousin who was only a few years older than myself at the time) and at fifteen I finally moved in with him. Up until that point of moving in, he was entirely sweet, seemingly sympathetic, and I felt like I was actually being loved. As soon as I moved in it was live a switch flipping, he became distant, forced my out of therapy and forced me off of my antidepressants which I heavily relied on due to suicidal depression. He’s generally cold, and the only time I’ve ever seen him get emotional is when I tired to commit suicide later on, but even through crocodile tears he was acting as if he were the victim. When my uncle, who I was especially close to, died he offered me no shoulder, and instead called my wailing and screaming throughout the night “over-dramatic”. Throughout these years he’s acted the same way, and due to the support of his fiance (now ex) I could live with him constantly degrading me for my gender and sexuality. Recently it came to a head, when he finally physically assaulted my step-mom. Rightfully, I fled to her side and called the police, Throughout this break-up between them I’ve taken my step-mother’s side through and through, as I saw him assault her, abuse her, and then finally take his anger out physically. I am now eighteen at this point, but he still has be under his boot because the phone he has been paying for since i was seventeen is under his name. I am now on a weekend trip with him in attempt to get some consolation for myself, and not even a few hours in he’s threatened to remove my phone and raised his hand to me but not brought it down. If he turns off my phone and I have no means of contacting anyone while I am in his care, I fear that I will die here. I’ve contacted my step-mother but she has no means of getting me home right now. All i can do is wait the night out and hope that tomorrow I can lie and convince him that I am having womanly issues and for him to take me home. Wish me luck.

  29. Alicia says:

    I dont really know if it is any type of abuse. I think it’s not but since I have depression, I get these episodes where I’m just really you know depressed. So I was having one of those and I was in the bathroom and I left after like 2 hours. My dad was outside and I accidentally hit the toilet seat and it broke. I tried to fix it but it wouldn’t work and I didn’t know what to do so I left and I was terrified and he came in my room after the toilet seat fell. He stromed in my room and yelled at me, he swore. Threw my suitcase in my direction and almost hit me. He kicked my mirror and it shattered in pieces and he yelled a little more then left slamming the door behind him. I was shaking bad and crying alot, I was surprised he didn’t come over and hit me. I hadnt cleaned my room the night before, he came back forced me to clean my room. When I was he was cleaning the mirror pieces and I was silently crying and still shaking. I was just waiting for him to yell at me more, break something else, throw some thing at me again or hit me. When he was done he left the room. Threw me a garbage bag and it’s been two hours since and he just came in my room. Told me to clean the bathroom in a calm voice then left like he didn’t do anything. When he did come in a tensed and I felt like I was gonna cry. Whenever I do something like this, he makes me feel like it’s all my fault. I always panick try to message my mom or my grandparents. Since I live alone with him, in the country cause my mom doesn’t have enough money to take care of me. There was another one in December when we fought and I went in my room, this was when I used to self harm. He walked in on my cutting my arm. He yelled again, swore, took my computer smashing in to the ground and breaking my dresser. Hit my hand. I kept apologizing, he kept yelling. Made me clean the broken computer and dresser. He sat on the couch watching me, that time I do believe it was my fault. I flinched even when he spoke in a calm tone. He’d see that then yell. I would be scared to go up to him, he always got mad at that. Blame me for things he did and act like the victim. Twist my words in front of my mom so I’m the bad one. If we ever fight he just shuts me out like I don’t exist, until I apologize then he goes back to the loving, caring father he is. I enjoy spending time with him, it’s fun and i love him when he’s the funny guy but when he yells and breaks things. I get terrified, I think that this is just like normal parenting. But you tell me.

  30. Ellie says:

    I am really wondering if I have been abused? someone has asked me before and I didn’t know what to say or really how to describe my experience. If it is abuse im not sure what kind it is. Im in my early twenties now but still have a hard time healing from experiences with my parents. My mom is an alcoholic and in her drunk moments can be very mean out of nowhere. She is very unpredictable and says very mean things to me about how I am the reason she has cockroaches in her house or how I am not the daughter she wanted etc. I honestly can’t remember most of what she’s said to me in her anger but she’s never been very involved in my life or any activities of mine. She has also kicked me out of her house multiple times in anger so that she can drink alone. One time I remember her being so angry that i ran into a bedroom and tried to lock the door to get away from her but she made it inside before I could and grabbed my wrists and pinned me up against a wall screaming, but I’ve always been stronger than her so I made it out fine. As a young child I was frequently locked in my room all night so that my parents could do things they didn’t want me to see (smoking, drinking etc) but i would cry and scream and be terrified when I realized I couldn’t get out and smelled smoke and always thought something was on fire. I would ask my mom not to lock my door the next morning and she would lie and deny ever doing something like that so I just told myself as a young kid that God was locking my door because I must have been bad.
    My dad has always been more gentle but never around. I was never much of a priority and I remember him needing to take me to a heart appointment I had and he told me he had to go to the gym instead so he took me to a Best Buy and dropped me off in the parking lot while i waited for my brother to pick me up for an hour and then only to get to my appointment and not be allowed in because my guardian wasn’t with me. I was so sad to see him drive away that day because I was so scared to be sitting in that parking lot by myself and felt so worthless.

  31. Eden says:

    Was i abused. My mum would corner me hold up a chair and repeatedly throw it and jab it at me along with other objects, she would slap me on my body and kick me. This didn’t happen everyday but it would happen more than it should. Sometimes she would have a reason but it was never a big enough one to hurt me. She would constantly put me down, call me fat when I was already underweight. She invaded my privacy I would take showers and she would at pick the lock and watch me. But somehow she still turns the story around and makes me feel guilty and unworthy.

  32. josh says:

    Was I and am I being abused?

    My dad used to and still makes me feel crap, even when he himself is happy. It makes me feel ridiculous and stupid, and might have been the cause of my low self-esteem. My dad also thinks fear is needed for respect. Is this true?

    Another part of this is my sisters. I think they have picked up these “habits” from my dad and sometimes what they say really affects me throughout the day.

  33. person says:

    i really dont know if this is abuse or not, but it feels really tense. my mom seems to get upset about the littlest things, and she yells, alot. she doesnt usually say mean things, but she some times cusses at me. sometimes she grabs me, and it leaves marks on my arms, but they dont last for long, and after her “episode”, she seems genuinly sorry. i feel uncomfortable, and sometimes scared, telling my parents things that they might not want to hear, i never know how they are going to react. alot of the time my mom is really supportive, and nice, but… she can get angry out of nowhere, and i feel nervous all the time. im a teen still living in my parents house, and i know they love me, but i dont know how to make them understand that im actually scared of them. some times when im actually trying to tell them m feelings, they just dismiss me as being dramatic, or just being a teenager. i know this isnt even remotely as bad as the other stories listed on this sight.

  34. william chen says:

    my dad hit me with a lot of long weapons like spatulas and his crane. ha hits me when i complain that my brother is playing, and doesnt let me play games. he plays during class and always say hes going to kick me out at 18, and threatens me when i try to get help. i do very good at school and still hates me and destroys my legos all the time. he treats my brother really good, and is hypocritical. is the abuse? he just hit me constantly with a wooden spatula as hard as he could and it still hurt now. he always hit me really hard.

  35. Devin says:

    Was I abused ? I’m now 12 going on to be 13 my dad is in jail so it is just my mom an about
    30 mins ago I was choked against a wall an punched in the head an this is not the only time this stuff happened she always punches me in my head with her fist balled up an choking she has done 4 or 3 times but name calling is like everyday almost making want to end my life but I just don’t want to go through the pain of ending my life the names she calls me are fat, a little fucker an a negro threatening to choke slam me as well an one time she beat my sister with a broom in the kitchen I guess my question is is was I abused well not was an I being abused

    • Quinn says:

      you are most definitely being abused. i hope your head healed. go with you gut instinct. you are very brave posting this and i am 13 myself. i know what you are going through. trust your gut.

  36. Help me says:

    Is this abuse ?
    I am a 13 year old and I feel like I get abused a lot. My father is always busy and rarely finds time for me. When he is free he is always on his phone. When I talk to him he tells me to go and do something else. If I do something wrong like not clean my room in the weekend he scolds me a lot and even hits me( my dad is way stronger than me). He hits me until a hanger brakes or he uses his hands and hits me until I cry a lot. He often scolds me if I refuse to go for tuition because it’s either late at night or I have exams. My father has calmed down to me a lot recently but he still hits me or scolds me. This may not seem like and abuse because I have read other comments who have had worse cases. My father scolds my sister a lot but that’s because she misbehaves(I’ll talk more about that). My mother is a lot calmer than my father if I do something wrong she questions me and corrects me. If my father scolds me he comes back to me and calms me down but that is only if I keep crying for an hour. One time I didn’t want to go for Hindi tuition because i had exams and father scold me Soo much that I wasn’t even able to breath. It took me like 3-4 hours before I calmed down. I am still scared of my father a lot. My father is only one part of the trouble I receive. My sister is now 15 years old and she has been causing the most distress in my life rather than my dad. My sister has been beating me and calling me bad words and calling me names as Long as I can remember. Ever time she gets angry(even if I’m not the reason for her anger) she hits me and calls me names and bad words. She always chooses me as the target because I am younger than her and if she hits our parents she knows she will get scold more. I am in 8th grade and I have exams every week so I get very stressed yet I love my sister and my parents so much that if I get extremely angry or sad I try to hide it from them. So every time I get angry or sad I go to my room and lock the door. One time I was in my sisters room studying and my sis didn’t want me in her room so she kept telling me to go out and she was also yelling at me. I didn’t want my sister to be alone so that’s why I wanted to sit with her and study. Before I was going to leave our parents came into the room and started scolding her for troubling me and they told me to study in her room. I knew that since they scolded her she will be really rude to me and that was true. She was really rude to me ever since. For even the slightest thing (for example: saying “what?” When she looks at me for too Long)(when I look at something my sis is doing my sis also says “what?” And I just have to keep quite and say “nothing”or say “I was looking at something else”). I am a good girl I listen to my parents (sometimes I misbehave), I don’t trouble my sis and I look up to my parents and my sis. My sis however thinks that because I am younger to her she can be rude to me and I am not supposed to complain about it. She call me complain box a lot and that’s because I complain to my parents. If my sister hits me for literally no reason I just go into my room and cry. Even when I do this she still comes and troubles me. She wishes I was never born because she feels that I trouble her a lot even if I literally don’t even trouble her. My parents don’t say anything to her because she is a 10th grader now. When my sister needs me she is kind to me but when she doesn’t need me she is so rude to me. I have been stuttering for a very Long time. I don’t know if that’s because of my sister or because of something else but for the last few years she has became even more rude to me and I have been stuttering sooo much. My parents say that it’s because I am talking to fast but in reality I literally talk the same way they do. My parents don’t know about all the times my sister has hit me or scolded me partly because I know she will get scolded and therefore she will get angry and trouble me even more and also because I love her and I don’t want her to get scolded. I get very stressed because if my exams even though I restrain myself from getting too angry at my sister but when my sister has exams she gets stressed as well and she doesn’t even try to restrain herself from getting angry at me. I’ve even thought many times that if I suicide I will be better but I always try to get rid of those thoughts. I’m not very courageous so I get very scared of a lot of things and I barely talk to anyone in class. Teachers don’t even know that I exist in class. I’m now in 8th grade and the only Teachers who knew I was there in class are my new class teacher/IT teacher and my biology teacher. My class teacher this year has understood my problems and tries to help me overcome them she understand that I stutter and I am very shy. She puts me as group project leaders and tries to talk to me whenever she can but she only know half of what troubles me. My biology teacher on the other hand asks me questions on the chapters more than any other student. My relatives love me more than my sister because I look like my fathers side great grand mother (she passed away a few years before I was born). It’s not my fault I look like her. My sister embarrassed me a lot when I was in 3rd grade and when I complained to my parents they had said nothing. When I was in 4th grade I troubled my sis for like a month and my parents scolded me a lot for that. I have a best friend who is literally the only one I get to express my feelings with Cuba’s else is the only one who understands me. My sister even criticises my best friend cause she has no one to call “best friend”. Don’t get me wrong she has a few friends but she doesn’t the talk to them a lot. When I got a new phone my sister became so much more rude to me. I barely even like to leave my room because I know that if I do then I would get beaten and scolded by my sister. I want to know if there is anything I can do to make my life better like to get my sister to stop scolding me and hitting me a lot. Also my grades has decreased a little bit ever since she became more rude to me and her grades have increased. Please help me by telling if there are any ways in which I can make my sister to stop hurting me and also a way to make my dad to talk to me more. Please help I was literally crying when I was typing this. Also is there a way to make my parents support the field(robotic engineering: Artificial intelligence) I want to study in more

  37. - Anonymous - says:

    Was I abused? (I am 16 years old)

    Last night my aunt came over to see her daughter because she has been staying with us for like the past month and a half and after we ate dinner, I started to put the food up, take out the trash, and do dishes. As I was walking away to go upstairs to ask my mom a question about what does she wanted to do with the pot of oil on the stove, my aunt was talking to me and I was responding but I guess I wasn’t responding loud enough, so my stepdad started yelling at me and saying that did u hear what she asked and all i said was “I said no twice” and she came up stairs and start hitting me on the head, pushed me out of my moms room, bang my head on the wall, and continued to hit me in the head and then walks away meanwhile I cant hear out of one ear and both my ears hurt and when I am around loud noises they begin to hurt even more and it can cause me to have an episode but yet after that, I went back downstairs to finish cleaning, can upstairs n layed in my bed, and tried to calm down and then my stepdad came in here yelling bout my siblings tablets which caused me to have an episode and start yelling back and then he walked out with an attitude and i couldn’t even sleep last night and also he has been yelling and spitting in my face and putting his hands on me for the past 6 to 7 years of my life……. They made it seem like I can’t have no emotions, no option, I can’t do anything but clean and I can’t even do my school work because they take the laptop from me. What should I do?

  38. Neyo_o6 NT says:

    My stepdad keeps abusing my mom, my sister and me emotionally and verbally. He said that he has all the right to scream at us and to make us feel like trash. He keeps telling us to leave his house, that if he wants to he can destroy our future, put us in jail, that we are his domestic and have no right to complain, that he only married my mom to destroy her and us ( her kids ) since we need him to sign for the permanent residence in the US, it’s been 1 year and 5 months now, only 5 other months to go. I’m praying that everything will be fine at the end.

  39. Ebonie says:

    Hey, was I abused?
    This may be a little confusing,
    My mum was with my dad then got pregnant but my dad was violent & aggressive towards my mum and she left him. Then she got with another man, let’s call him John, and decided to stay with him for 11 years. I didn’t consciously know that he wasn’t my dad until I turned 6 when I spoke to my real dad briefly. Anyways in those 11 years he had 2 more kids with my mum, so I guess it was just normalised to be by then. I don’t even remember how I dealt with it, it was just my life I guess haha. Anyways in those 11 years John was very violent towards my mum and towards me and my brother. He used to hit us with belts but it was always with such a strong force. I am Caribbean so culturally it’s normal to beat children with objects etc (I don’t think it’s right). It effected me then and messed up my self esteem as I was still always trying to seek validation from him after, but I always hated him deep down. I grew up knowing how to hate and love people at the same time, I still saw him as my dad. As I said, he was Violent to my mum, he would choke, slap and hurt her all the time, he didn’t care if it was in front of us or not. I ended up calling the police on him when I was 11 and had to flee my hometown and leave all my friends and my life behind because of it. Only for my mum to forgive him and let us see him again. He was better after, he didn’t hit us but was still psychologically abusive (he was a narcissist). We don’t speak anymore (for other irrelevant reasons) But I still thought of him as my dad up until early this year. I am 22 now, I think I’m more angry at my mum now, I don’t understand how she can make me trust a man that would do this to me and my siblings. She came from a home where she never got hit. I’m more disgusted because this man who wasn’t even my dad is responsible for the emotional hardships I go through now, when that didn’t even need to happen.

    This is the first time I got it all out.

    • Laura says:

      That is obviously abuse. From what you said about your biological dad, that is also abuse, but not to the same extent, nonetheless abusive behavior towards your mom. “John” both psychologically and physically abused you.

      I myself am Greek so I grew up thinking it was normal for your dad to say he doesn’t love you and he wants to slit your throat and threaten you with knifes, along with finding entertainment out of beating me, but as I got older and saw other Greek kids didn’t have similar experiences, I only than realized that it was abuse. I never seeked help as I didn’t want to seem like a was that weird kid that had abuse cases against their own parents on their record, at the time this took place I was approx. 8-18, so it happened for a while until I moved out.

      Anyways, if you can, seek help from a therapist or even the authorities.

  40. kesha42456 says:

    was i abused? i haven’t been supported for being pansexual and i forgot to do my missing assignments
    it was clearly his fault for saying he doesn’t care if i have homework. so what he did to me was choke me dragged me bye my hair and beated me until i got bruised i tried to call the police but he threw me to the wall so i told my teacher and friend to call the police but my teacher didn’t answer but my friend did. my sister was screaming telling him to leave me alone but my dad almost did the same thing to her. and if i talked i would get my mouth bruised. and hes lying saying he got abused when he was talking saying “how great his mother is.” when i woke up today because i got abused yesterday i felt lightheaded and my bruises were painful so i tried to walk but the pain got sharper. i don’t cry he yells at me but now i do. i tried to tell my uncle but my dad would beat me up and throw me out the house. it looks like my old sis barley gets in trouble but i get blamed for every little thing. my uncle loves me more than my dad even though he isn’t my real “parent”
    he was talking about how hes my real dad but my biological dad is in Detroit MI and I’m just in MI but not Detroit. he talking about how my mother doesn’t love me and he also said i’m the devil and told me i should die and burn in hell. i had a tremor for 4 hours and it still hasn’t stopped. I’m still thinking about dying and hes just as the devil and told me to be like Rosa parks. but i can be me but if i do i just get in trouble and beaten to death. I haven’t when to the hospital yet but on the weekends I’m going to ask my uncle. should i call the police?

    • emma says:

      Yes you shall this happens to me and i cant stop crying about it.
      i been sexually abused and been raped for too long by my dad…
      i couldn’t tell my mom because he would kill me.
      my sister seems to be the favorite but not me.
      they both abuse me but my sister does physical abuse.
      i have a black eye and bloody hands in bandages.

    • Katrina says:

      Yes you definitely should call the police.

    • Katrina says:

      Please get help from the authorities as soon as possible! and tell them this monster is making death threats and is hitting you right in front of other people,
      I witnessed a mate getting punched in the head by her step father when she was 13. me and three other friends witnessed this we’re horrfied to watch this unfold and we all screamed and jumped up and got my uncle to call the police and her stepfather came after us after! But please don’t be scared and ring the police. And press assault charges

  41. Colin Leadbeater says:

    Is being naked in front of your children a form of abuse? Because it felt my parents were seldom clothed throughout my whole childhood, and I hated it the whole time, especially into my teens. I am almost certain there was no sexual gratification, however there was utter disregard; with bedroom and bathroom doors left constantly wide open.
    A different example of this disregard is when I sneaked downstairs to watch television at night when I was about 14. My dad came downstairs with just a teeshirt on and approached from behind whilst I lay on the couch. It meant when I turned to be told to go to bed his penis was inches from my face. Images like this have stuck in my mind. Our house was secluded and down a drive, so my parents were free to be naked with the curtains open and not care. My friend once saw my mother naked.
    Another incident happened when I was 6 and my brother 9 on holiday. It was the morning and me and my brother went to my parents room as they were down a stair case. Their hotel room was unlocked, so after knocking we walked in and saw them having sex. We were both crying all day. When my dad found out he sat us down and tried to give his explanation, which was something along the lines of “what you saw was the most loving cuddle in the world” and then persisted to talk of the beauty of it. This didn’t help. Eventually we were out at night at a restaurant. At this point my brother had seemed to cheer up, and was playing with my cousins. I couldn’t cheer up, so I think my dad asked my mum to take me home. She was very drunk and slapped and pulled my hair all the way home. She was saying things such as ” you have been rotten all night, and now… IT MY TURN!!!” literally whilst cackling. At points I ran away but had to stop for not having anywhere to run. At these moments she would run after me to slap me in the back of the head again. When we got back she ran a towel under the tap and said “if you ever behave like that again, that’s what you will get”. On the word ‘that’s’ was when she struck me in the face with the towel. Her voice was low and angry for this part.
    This is the only true physical abuse I remember from my mother, my father I remember one punch in the face for smoking when I was 15, which seems ironic. I suppose a problem I have when I try to research about these things, is that it’s all from the perspective of the parents. Information seems to be an argument between mother’s and father’s over whether it should happen. I am almost certain no child of memory age wants to see their parents naked. It means the first naked bodies you see, and constantly see are fully matured.
    Like I said I’m sure there was no sexual gratification, however I would assume the impact would matter more than the motivation.
    I’m now 31 and an ex alcoholic but heavy weedsmoker. I have been to prison 3 times partially because of my parents phoning the police over cannabis or me stealing booze when I lived there as an adult. Done mental health units twice. I have been homeless and now am once again because having stupidly moved home in march for lockdown, my parents phoned the police on me a few days ago after a vaccine related argument landed me a 5 minute notice to leave.
    My parents were more emotionally abusive, and more from my mother with a lot of degrading and no encouragement. I really only saw why over the past few days. I do also think not only the one incident of seeing them have sex, the nudity was damaging also. It is too much of an uncomfortable thing to ask people not to do, tho to be fair I found a way and they did respond by being more careful. I started shutting their door and knocking and asking “are you decent?” Before walking in. This was when I was about 17, so my two older brothers saw it into their 20s. They both have their problems, regardless of whether my parents got off on any of this.

    • Colin says:

      I must apologise about an important detail. I am sure this all would have been phenomenally worse had there been sexual gratification involved, but there wasn’t and it is still traumatic.

      • Simone Zoe Frost says:

        I get kids have seen there mums when naked ither bath or walked in as getting dressed.
        But not a habit parents tend to do.

  42. Martin says:

    My father found it quite ok to beat the crap out of my siblings and i with a belt. One of the first lessons i learned was whether guilty or not, apologetic or not his replies were and i quote, “i dont care” and “sorry is too late” i lost all respect for him an hour after the first time when he came to my room in tears to say “sorry, that hurt me more than it hurt you”

    Sorry was too late dad…..

    At 16 he took the belt to my little sister, i swore an oath that he wouldnt live 2 minutes beyond his next raising of his hand. The Almighty Creator has protected him ever since, cos he never has yet the infidel scoffs at the idea of the man upstairs.

    I work with him, im 38 now, i get paid half that of a school leaver with no experience, 2 decades in industrial piping, i can do it all but i no longer care, i call out his lies on the spot, i figure he hates me regardless of my attempts at creating a relationship with him.

    Someone is gonna still have to wipe his ass on his death bed oneday, Im his first born, il do it.

  43. Anon says:

    I was abused severely by my mom and older brother after my father passed away. I was only 6 years old. My mother never wanted to be a parent (she didn’t like girls) and she would get frustrated and angry with me and my younger sister a lot. She favored my older brother and spoiled him. As a result, she made him babysit me and my sister while she was at work, or out with her married boyfriend. My brother would beat me and my sister for almost anything, and because we were kids, we couldn’t defend ourselves. We would have bruises and welts from where he hit us. My mom didn’t care and said we deserved it!

    She is an evil bitch and I have resented her all these years because of this. Eventually, she ended up losing her job and getting very ill. She is very scared now of dying, and she thinks she was a good mother. She has never even apologized for the way she treated me! My brother has been working 2 jobs for most of his adult life, is a diabetic, and has 3 kids out of wedlock that he has/had to take care of. It’s interesting that he never physically abused his kids, because nowadays that counts for jail time. When I was coming up, nothing was done that much about child abuse because people didn’t want to get involved. The last time my mom hit me I was 30 years old. I called the police on her and they took her straight to jail. I guess she learned her lesson because she NEVER touched me again after that. I will never apologize to her for doing that; it was long overdue. My brother threatened to “beat my ass” because I did that, but I was grown and I wasn’t afraid of him anymore. So he understood if he touched me he was going to jail right with his mother.

    Sometimes it’s best to just stay away from you family if they are/were abusive and toxic to you. My life is so much more peaceful now. As an adult, I get to decide who gets my energy now 🙂

  44. Emily says:

    Everyone’s stories are so sad I don’t think I compare. I am stuck in a situation. I have no idea what I am supposed to do. I rather not at my age for legal reasons. My father is terrifying Every time I am alone with him I want to runaway. Lately he has been very violent. Last night he punched me in the mouth. He then continued to punch me in the arms. He calls me a pathetic little bitch. He says I am a lie a theft and a good for nothing daughter. My mom knows that what he is doing is wrong. She comforts me and asks if I am okay. Today she is not here and I am terrified I want to call the police but I cant he takes my phone away. A couple months ago he threw me against a wall. it was dry wall it broke and he got mad that it broke and he was coming after me to lick me in the ribs when my mom stopped him. I cannot take this emotions anymore. I have getting depressed lately and I am starting t I feel sudical I cannot do this anymore. I give up.

    • Emily says:

      It seems like life itself can not get any better every time he puts his hands on me I get scared but it. he treats my little sisters so much better I can not carry this pain anymore. I cant have my mom cover up my bruises with make up. I need help so please anyone. I am 14 my birthday is in a week and I dont want him to choke me out on my birthday agian/ I need help. I dont want your experiences I need to stop this because I am done. I am finished over this so just give me the best advice I can do.

  45. Hi, my name is zayne, Ive been breathing fast and wanting to hurt myself for the last 10-20 minutes because not long ago my dad threw me on the ground and said he didnt to my mom and sisters. I just got in trouble for sayig bad words about my parents and saying innapropiate things on the phone with a friend. Im scared of my parents and need advice on what to do. My mom is always screaming at me and putting pressure on me for school. My dad and mom both always put me down and all my a baby for the littlest thing. She puts down my sisters by saying their being stooped and stuff but i mostly get the abuse because im the oldest. Im 13, someone please give advice. Im hypervenalating and wanting to hurt myself because i know my dad is going to beat me really hard and probably make me run laps nonstop till night.

  46. Zayne Gregory Eldridge says:

    My name is Zayne from Oklahoma, if someone wants to contact someone, I want to contact cps but i dont know if Psychological Abuse and emotianal abuse is enough to help me and maybe help me get away from them, i have ran away before but it didnt work out and i wanna leave.

  47. Charlie Couzens says:

    Ok so, my dad always punches, kicks me, hurts me and calls me names like ” YOU MOTHERF##KING BAST##D GO TO YOUR ROOM NOW” So what is this abuse?

  48. maria says:

    Is it abuse if my parent beat me up with a belt when they are angry, apologize for their actions, then do it again when they get angry?

  49. Anonymous says:

    Once a guy choked me so severely in class 16 years ago when I made fun of him. This event was so traumatic for me. I still get repeated memories of it 16 years later in 2021.Isn’t this abuse?

    Another time I was humiliated during a high school reunion and stubbed with a cigarette by one of my classmates.

    I developed bipolar disorder, because of these events.

    Can you please help me out?

    I am still haunted by those events, can you help me out?

  50. Dayton lee robinson says:

    Today my mom hit me in the leg so hard that I couldn’t feel it just because I tripped and fell on the floor she woke up and hit me and I’m the only kid that ever wants to go over there what I don’t get is my sister never goes over there unless my dad makes her which is only a few times a year but whenever my sister is over there my mom only payed attention to her one time I found something I made for her when I was 5 and she was talking to my sister and I said look at this mom then she said I’m talking to my favorite kid shut up then she slammed my head on the table and said what would I want with this fuckin peace of paper u idiot and my dad makes me stay in my room all day and I don’t ever do anything and my sister will sit and scream at him and all he does is spend more and more money on her untill he can barely afford food whenever I come out of my room to pee or poop my dad makes me let him punch me then I can use the bathroom and this happens every time I’m with either one of them

  51. Harvey lewis says:

    I suffered years of child abuse smacking with belts and wooden spoons being forced to eat soap and washing up liquid lots of emotional neglect mostly from my father putting me down telling me I’m not his dad he hates me wished he had never had kids sometimes even suffered punches to the head I don’t know if he was using alcohol or drugs one time he even got me in a headlock and rammed my head in to the side of a wall and cracked my head open I never did go and receive medical support though both my parents would have taken me. I didn’t go because I didn’t want to tell the hospital the real reason I’ve always been told what happens in your 4 walls stays in your 4 walls is that that bad that I was told this? I’ve seen knock on affects were I’ve had issues with my brothers my mental health atm is really bad and my aggression has been from a very young age one of the reasons I kept getting kicked out off school I wonder if that was from the abuse I’ve suffered as a child I know my father was neglected by his dad until he was 18 I think most people stay quite about the abuse they have had as a child to not break family’s apart I’ve spent many nights in a police cell because I’ve smashed a TV or punched a door and my parents pressed charges most off my criminal record is family abuse and crinimal damage but I’ve never once called the police on my parents mainly because I was brought up not to snitch especially on your own family but they snitch on me? And call the police on me? Manipulation? I had seen many times my dad smash my xbox or PlayStation up or a TV I just wonder if that is why I took my aggression out on my family home because I had seen one of parents do it I had therapy at many of my schools and never truly spoke about what was happening in the home mainly because those words from my parents about what happens in the 4 walls stay in the 4 walls also I’ve heard many stories from my mum about how my dad had treated her and what he use to say about me and his other 2 children I think about all this and think to my self is it child abuse? Who do you ask? I’m 19 now and still living at the family home were I’m suffering ptsd I think it’s called and this all started from the age of 7/9 atleast that’s as far back as I can remember I also went to boarding school I would be away Monday to Friday I had come home to my mother with a black eye the a use was she had slipped in the hot tub and the other was a tennis ball thrown at her face I didn’t think anything of it at the time until I found out the reason was my dad punching her in the face knowing she has and had a brain tumour after hearing that during conflict with my mother i would punch her while being in a state of aggression or rage which my father also has I dunno if something like that can run through blood on genetics other times we would get face to face with each other other times I would push her I definitely received punch back which I think was reasonable from my mother in that circumstance but I just wonder if seeing all off it from my father and hearing about it had a knock on affect on me with my aggression I’m still living at the family home with same people and their is mild arguments and conflict on a daily basis I remember being 12/15 mixing with the wrong groups hanging around with older kids more then triple my age and staying out all night in the cold just so I didn’t have to return home I wonder if me hanging around with those sorts of people and that age gap was from my dad neglecting me since I was 12 he would say ill take you fishing ill take you fishing and never really has maybe an hour down the river or few hours on a day ticket but I had to beg for years to even get that I look back and think about all those fake promises and wonder if that is neglect tho he had been neglected by his dad and not taken fishing until he was 18 but you always would think your parents wanna make a difference in just so worried for myself when I have children and find a girlfriend or wife that I don’t use the same aggression against them because I honestly couldn’t live with my self I’ve always wanted do better then them but I think will I ifs it’s been washed into my head to say

  52. Nima says:

    When I was 6 years old, I was physically abused by kids who were older than me or kids that were in the same class as me. I would face having a soccer ball kicked super hard in my face, pushed down to the pavement, deliberately tripped while running or walking around, or pushed off the swings or park stairs headfirst. I would always have scratches, scrapes, scars, name it I would have it from those kids. This started even when I was only 3, I was ostracized from other kids my age due to my looks, back then everyone at school was of Tamil ethnicity or from the Caribbean, and I was the only East Asian kid. To be frank I was the only Japanese kid, and for being Japanese and eating Japanese cuisine for my lunches (I stayed at school for lunch from 1st grade) I was bullied and criticized, and because of rumours spread about me all of the girls in my class or my age distanced themselves from me, and I was playing with only boys from my class who eventually started bullying me after hearing the rumours. Older kids, especially older siblings of those kids would bully me as well and steal anything cool I had. One of those rumours that were spread was that I had east asian germs, and because of that everyone at school would avoid me. This rumour continued spreading as I got older, and I told my mom about it who confronted the school and had my teacher take everyone into the library and scold them for it. Despite making all of the kids apologize to me, they still continued this but to a worse extent and blamed me that they got in trouble because I tattled on them. I couldn’t handle it again so once again I told my teacher about it but she didn’t do anything, saying she already dealt with it once and that I had to deal with matters myself. Considering I was only 11 at the time, I didn’t know what to do so my family and I moved when I turned 12 and finished my year of Grade 6. I started at a new elementary school (where I am elementary is kindergarten to grade 8) from Grade 7 and things went smooth, until someone spread the same rumour from my old school and caused friends I managed to make to leave me and exclude me from what they were doing, and everyone avoided me once again. Even kids who were younger than me were avoiding me and the same thing started all over again. The teacher there also only helped me once saying the same thing as the last teacher. Fortunately I graduated, but the same kid who spread the rumour attended the same high school I went to. Miraculously he did not spread the rumour again, but instead gave me suspicious looks whenever I passed him in the hallway. I also made some new friends who I am still friends with to this day, but this is where things got the worst. My dad would put me down for the marks I got, saying they weren’t good enough, despite my marks being in the low 90s and high 80s. He also called me out for not studying enough for tests despite getting good marks for them. Some courses were too hard for me and I had to switch to easier levels for them and I also got scolded for that. My mom was supportive of the whole thing, saying as long as I can do it it was ok by her. However, when I graduated high school and started college this abuse went to the next level. I was put down for my marks again, and I would video call my friends and play games with them online after a long day of studying and get scolded for that as well. My dad started getting ridiculously abusive and abused me verbally and physically, saying that I am a miserable person and that I only caused trouble for the entire family. He would also threaten to kick me out with my things or drag me down to the basement and lock me in there. My mom had to interfere a couple of times to make him stop, but eventually she was influenced by his attitude and starting smacking me across the face like he did whenever she was upset, and my dad would either drag me by my sweater collar or the hood of my hoodie and suffocate me, and most of the time he would drag me by my hair and throw my glasses off my face and throw me hard down the stairs to the basement. Not only that, he would throw me into my room and ground me for no reason and make me sleep in the basement on the cold floor for an entire night if I didn’t listen to him. Most of the time what he says is not correct and I would correct him and he would get mad for that as well. He also minds everything I do every day and I tell him to leave me alone, and I receive a slap in the face or he would throw all of my stuff to the floor or slam my things hard on the desk. He already broke one of my headphones and ripped the collars of my sweaters. These days he won’t let me have a say in anything and blames my friends for my performance and saying that it is because of my friends I am a miserable and no good piece of shit who can’t do anything right and that I am a worm in the society. I am 18 now and am technically a legal adult by government standards where I live, but this is insane that my friends who have nothing to do with any of this are being blamed for my problems. Many times I’ve locked myself in my room or had anxiety attacks or wanted to just leave the house or even suicide. I was diagnosed with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) when I was 10, and this is only making it worse. I also have anxiety, and my friends also have anxiety and mental disorders so they fortunately understand how I feel because they are experiencing the same things I’m going through. My friends are my only emotional support because my mom has gotten like my dad in some aspects, and my older sister is even worse and doesn’t even consider me a member of the family anymore and says I have no life. I don’t know what to do anymore because my friends who are my only true support, are being put down because of me and my own parents are threatening to kick me out for things that are not even my fault.

  53. Chelsea says:

    Is this abuse? I grew up in a confusing and stressful home. My father would go through a continuous cycle that resulted in fits of rage. Where he would break furniture, throw out food, yell, and at times get physically violent. He punched my mother which resulted in a black eye, pushed my sister into the wall and choked her, shoved and intimidated my brother. I remember hiding behind the couch at age 5 while my dad screamed and physically assaulted my mom. He has put me down, given me the silent treatment, lied, etc. My mom would excuse his behavior and try to rationalize it by saying he had a hard childhood. He would destroy the furniture and personal things in my room twice growing up. I know this dysfunctional and crazy. But, I am not sure if this would qualify me growing up with abuse.

  54. Private says:

    When I was child I got abused multiple times by father. That happed from birth till 10 years old. He abused me, my two older brothers and my mother before she divorced him. Since then I have not seen him or have any type of contact with him. Towards me, that I was the only daughter he had, he was abusive in many ways. We would hit me by slapping, beating me with belt but he was punching and kicking my brothers down the floor. He would leave us to starve and often he would lock us outside home. He was basically physically, emotionally abusive and we experienced neglect. The difference with me is that I think I was probable also sexually abused by him. He had showed me pornographic pics with no reason and he talked how a man has sex with a woman, that happened at age younger than 9 years old. Then when no one would know he was asking me to get naked to check if my breast was growing. That happened many times but it’s all blurred in my memory. He never touched me although sexually. I did not say it to anyone for many years. My parents broke up and when I was 17-20 and realised that all this was wrong I spoked to my mother. She refused to believe that he would ever perform any inappropriate acts with me. We never talked about it again. I was afraid that if they would not get divorced in time he would either rape me or force me in prostitution. He was an awful person. I am not entirely sure if it was sexual abuse but definitely it was wrong. I still occasionally have nightmares about him.

  55. Sway says:

    Im sorry but what is up with the last paragraph in the firet section you read about “some groups feel that sex with children should be encouraged”
    What is wrong with you people

  56. Sharon McCabe says:

    I’m astonish by the number of people asking if their experiences can be defined as ABUSE. The mere fact that they ask the question, suggests to me, that right there is the answer! If you have intentionally hidden the way you are/were treated, never discussing it, even with your closest friend, but searching for a site such as this, once again, there is your answer.

  57. Sharon says:

    No body has mentioned the very worst and most painful weapon in theire arsenal. For me this was witnessing a sibling or my Mum being attaked by him. However, it also armed me with the only way I had to fight back. When he started on my Mum or my siblings, I would provoke him until his focus was on me alone. As he was beating and kicking me, I would cheer encouragement and smile at him telling him to hit harder, inviting him to kill me in order to ensure his incarceration for the rest of his life. It also shook him when I appeared to have no fear of him. In truth, I think it had a bigger effect on me than him. I’m sure I walked a little taller from that day and my fear started to shrink, day after day when I realised that the only thing I should fear, was fear itself.

  58. elliot says:

    I still cant tell if what happened to me was normal or not. My moms bf used to grab my but and lick the inside of my ear. I didnt think that it was weird at the time bc I was like 10. The only reason im questioning if its normal or not now is bc he told me not to tell anyone. My mom used to touch my chest and make comments about it after I repetedly told her to stop and it made me uncomftodble. This happened when I was around 10 and I just recently told my biological dad about it. He said that it was normal because I was so young when it happened and didnt have control over my body- somthing abt that didnt sit right with me. My mom still makes comments about my body, specificaly my chest that make me uncomfortable. She still says things like “I wish i had your boobs” (this makes me feel extreamly gross as I am trans) and demands me to show her my stomahe wich i refuse to do bc I have scars there. When i do this she gets mad and tells me its normal and its bc she cares about me, even though ive said it makes me uncomfortable. I know im probably just being dramatic and it probably is normal but im still not sure. If anyone could help that would be great.

    • Paige says:

      No that is not ok what she does, it’s your body and if you say it makes you uncomfortable then she need to stop. That’s my opinion on it because it’s not on to continue doing something if it’s making someone uncomfortable. This also ends up teaching people that if someone or something is making you uncomfortable that it’s not that big of a deal, even though it really is and can be

  59. Darlene Schueller says:

    I got divorced and moved back home with my 13 yr old son to Minnesota with my parents to live until I could find a job and a place. I didn’t want to live with them because my father sexualy molested me as a young child. But now he was a feeble old man who I no longer feared..
    All 4 of us girls in our family knew about my fathers touching molestation tendency with us and to keep peace in the family we kept quiet except for telling mother about it.
    Well, it turned out while at home this monster touched my son!! I would have never dreamed he’d touch a boy! I had 4 brothers! And no one ever said a thing!!!! How stupid!!!! But, my son loved him did not me to say anything…. he was 14 but I should have!
    Anyway, once my parents boths died.
    My son has disowned me for being irresponsible and not putting him away. I haven’t spoken to him in 25 years. A piece of advice follow your heart…. your child comes first. Put these monsters away.
    I just did what my mom did.

  60. Paige says:

    When I was little, around 4 or 5 my moms boyfriend at the time would constantly rape and molest me, it happened when I was young but I still remember almost everything. I have been sexually assaulted by my step cousin and by someone in school and other countless times. I have a lot of mental problems because of everything that has happened to me and my dad doesn’t listen. I recently got in trouble for sneaking someone into my house because I didn’t feel comfortable with him meeting my dad because of who my dad is. Since then dad has been more aggressive and verbally abusive as well. He likes to come and yell and start stuff and if I get upset I get called “a sensitive little bitch” and it’s getting worse. The other week we got in an argument because I was getting overwhelmed and didn’t fully understand what they were asking me to do, I tried to go to my room and my stepmom wouldn’t let me my dad then grabbed me by the neck and forcefully dragged me down the stairs. Things had started getting better and I was starting to get happy again. Over the weekend they then started saying I was stealing stuff from the kitchen even though I don’t even really eat. They then said I wasn’t allowed to leave my room. This week I went to school and people had started spreading a lie and saying I was threatening people and snitching on people About capes. I had countless people corner me and threatening me. This deeply hurt me because I have never done anything to everyone and I try to be nice to everyone and because of one lie I have people who I thought were my friends getting in my face and threatening me. I got called down to the office in which I told them my story. The school ended up calling my dad. When he got home he went straight in my room and started screaming at me. I told him what had happened and he called me a liar and started taking my stuff out of my room. He told me to get off of my bed in which I refused because I had done nothing wrong. He then grabbed me and was trying to drag me off my bed. At that point of time I was kicking at him and hitting him trying to get him off of me. He then grabbed me and threw me on the ground in which I hit my head and my elbow really hard. He was progressively getting worst with the yelling and the name calling. At that point of time I, knowing I hadn’t done anything wrong told him if you won’t let me talk and if you won’t listen I’m leaving. He continued yelling so I went downstairs and he followed me. He held the door shut so I couldn’t get outside and when I tried to push him out of the way he put his arm around my neck, in a manner that caused me to be unable to breathe, and then dragged me to the living room and didn’t let go until I was in there. At that point of time I was having a major panic attack and my stepmom came downstairs and was saying it was my fault. I then told them my side again in which they called me a lair again and my stepmom said if I lied again she was gonna beat my ass. I told her to go ahead and she said “if you don’t stop I’m going to call the cops on you” I told her to do it but she didn’t knowing dad had choked me. They then ended up calling my mother to come get me. They had me pack all my stuff that she bought and bring it with me. This was yesterday, and my throat is swollen and hurting today. I am happy that I’m finally out of dads house and with mom but I’m scared it isn’t going to last and yea it’s really messing with my anxiety.

  61. Cami says:

    I was kicked out of my adoptive parents house with 4 hours notice in May of 2020 because I didn’t do the dishes. I ended up moving in with my biological mom and it was nice for a while but she makes me suicidal. She claims she just wants what’s best for me but anytime I respond calmly with “okay” after being yelled at she says I’m “playing victim”. She says that’s why nobody likes me but I just say okay because I don’t have the energy to argue plus she stated when I first got here “it’s a good thing I didn’t raise you or I’d be in prison for murder”. It’s not that I genuinely believe she’d kill me but I’m afraid she’s going to lose her temper when she’s drunk and attack me. I don’t provoke, I’m really shy and quiet and I don’t like conflict so idk how else to go about it. I’ve tried standing up for myself and that’s hard for me on it’s own and she just screams at me to shut up and quit playing victim. I thought about commiting suicide today but even though they kicked me out for a stupid reason, my adoptive parents used to be really kind and loving towards me and I know my death would devastate them. I just feel like there’s nothing to live for anymore. I told my bio mom about it and her response was “we’re having a looong talk when I get home” and I said “awesome” and she went off saying I’m doing nothing with my life. I have been unemployed since January and yes I have actually tried getting a job it’s just hard because my phone bill is cut because I can’t afford it and I lost two job opportunities because they called and I didn’t know because my service is off. I haven’t been applying as much these past two weeks because I just found out my uncle in my adoptive family died from being shot by someone with road rage and instead of even trying to empathize she just says I do nothing with my life and that I need to toughen up and get over it when she hurts me. I’m fed up with being shoved down everytime I get back up and I just want to die.

  62. emma says:

    i find myself in a very conflicting place. i have been stealing for years (cheap and things with no value to me) and it seems to be getting worse on the days i go through loads of anxiety. today i got caught, as i was stealing a shirt from a market. the worse part is that i was talking to the women who was sealing the clothes telling her how much i like her market stand. but i stole the shirt, and did it quite obviously too with little care. 2 streets further a man starts following me and runs up to me telling me to give him the shirt. without hesitation i give it back, i say nothing i feel super numb. and he slaps me so hard across the face and calls me a little bitch and bitch multiple time. it leaves me in shock.
    i cried so much, because it brought up so much of the past which i haven’t confronted yet and don’t know how to.
    when i was a kid my dad use to hit me. i knew it was wrong but i never told anyone because i was so ashamed. ashamed it could be my fault, and simply ashamed that my dad was capable of that. it was mostly on my face. and it always left me feeling so small and vulnerable. it always made me cry but i never knew if it was because of pain or just emotional trauma. i wouldn’t be able to say how often he hit me, it wasn’t a frequent thing. but it lasted years. because of this i would always be scared to stay alone with him. in his presence i felt tense and always had the feeling i had to be prepared to run. always run to get away from his angry hands. when he would get mad he would blow up his check, breath in intensively and throw his hand in the air threatening me. after him getting mad like this i always felt so worthless and broken. ashamed too.
    i now struggle of severe anxiety which i guess is a result of this? and getting bullied in school?
    i only told one friend in my life about this, and it left me feeling awkward.
    i have been seeing multiple therapies, and still is something i don’t dare to mention because of the shame it makes me feel.
    also because i don’t know if it really was that bad what my father did, and if i interpreted it as intense? but i do feel so deeply hurt from it, to this day.
    i found it impossible to love my dad for years which made me struggle so much and brought me so much pain. also because my dad loves me endlessly and would do anything for me, which left me so double.
    it also kills me that my mum never told my dad to stop, or asked me how i was. she was hurt by it too but fled from it. we never confronted things as a family.
    i never really expressed this, and would like to know how to feel from this all. since getting slapped by this man today seemed to have brought a lot of trauma back up.

  63. Ellie says:

    Is this abuse? When i was a kid my dad would out me put on the back step if i did something wrong but because i was scared of the dark/ scared of being in the garden by myself i would make a huge fuss. I would hang onto all the furniture for dear life because i didnt want to go outside. My dad would then drag me with all his force out. I remember once i felt like my arms were going to fall off because he was pulling so hard. I felt really sad and guilty everytime after it happened, i would cry on the back step and knock and scream until i got let back in the house. He would carry me upside down so that i couldnt grab on and he would pry my fingers off the walls. I banged my head on the walls and doorframes as he pulled me through. He only stopped when one of my neighbours complained about the noise. I feel it was all my fault because he only did it because i was mean to my little brother but i cant help but think i was only mean to my brother because i was continuing the cycle of abuse. I know some people have had problems like this much worse than me and luckily it has left me with no permanent physical damage or scars but i cry about it often and always wonder why it was only me and none of my siblings who were treated with such cruelty. Sometimes i think its all my fault and that it was because i was an unlovable child and now i am unlovable teenager and i will become an unlovable adult.

  64. Robert Bryan Combs says:

    I remember my mom telling me when I was an adult why I had bad hearing. She told me my father would beat me and whenbshe tried to make him stop he beat her. As I got older and into elementary and onbi was affraid of my dad he was a loose canon. I remember as I got into middle school he violence towards my mother became worse beating her black and blue and destroying the home. Its was common at night to hear them arguing then fighting. Thenbi would have to try and go to school and concentrate without sleep and hungry. I became withdrawn and just stopped going to school in middle school on. One day I came home on a day I did go to school probably because I hadnt eaten and when I walked in the house my mom was unconscious on the floor with everything broken. She had to leave or he was gonna get worse. She told us I had 1older brother and 1 younger sister that she had to leave and one day would be gone but not to be affraid we would be together one day. A few months after that we came home and she was gone. Things got bad he put my sister in a home for girls and drove my older brother from the home. I remained as basically his house cleaner and cook. My school friends many years later asked where were you? Some knew how bad my dad was so I told them I was so ashamed of my home life I stopped going.even in bad weather Michigan fall rains and snow I found a quiet place to go and get away from the hell at home. I never got into drinking and drugs and lived playing school sports but had father who would beat me for doing bad in a game so I gave up sports. I’m happy to say much later in life even though I went through a divorce I never mistreated my ex wife and was blessed with a beautiful daughter who is now 19 and a 2nd yr student in college. She made me forget that hell and be better then the pos sperm donor in my life. We made sure she had a normal loving protected childhood. So she has made me happy. As she is away from home now and I’m home alone it may be time for me to talk more about other trauma growing up so I can bury it for good and leave thos chains behind me.

  65. anon says:

    My brother recently confirmed to me that he raped me as a child. I had a memory of this for years but i had misremembered the details of the room. It was decorated in a way that it couldn’t have been at the age it had happened, and so i always thought it was some disturbed thought i had made up.
    I’m currently living with my husband in the annexe of my mothers house so that we can save money to get a mortgage. We aren’t in a position to leave any time soon and i am feeling so trapped, i don’t know what to do.
    I haven’t told my husband about any of it as my brother is still present in my mums life and so is around the house sometimes. I don’t know how he would cope if he knew.
    I haven’t spoken to my mum about it as i am scared as to what answers she will give me. As far as i can see she knew about what my brother did and there were no repercussions for his actions. He bullied me terribly until he left home (he is 5 years older), and he was never punished for this either. On holidays we sometimes had to share rooms, and looking back on the fact that she knew what he had done to me but still allowed this, sickens me. This behaviour has lead to me staying in sexually and emotionally abusive relationships in later life. All i had learnt from growing up was that these levels of abuse were acceptable to my parents so must be normal.
    I cannot leave but I feel as though i can’t bring up what happened because living in the wake of that conversation will be awful. To be honest i would like to never talk to any of my family again after they knowingly ignored my brothers behaviour for over 20 years.

    How am i supposed to stay here and cope with it all until I am able to leave? I don’t know if it is even worth getting answers from any of them as honestly, no matter what, i am not comfortable with how they dealt with it!

  66. Eliza says:

    My father beats me for being fat. I’ve grown up now and I’ve been like this ever since i remember. I even tried to lose some extra weight but it’s hereditary and it won’t go away. He himself has been fat in his youth but calls me names and says that my tummy should burst and stuff like that. It happens every week and I can’t stop it. I want to die. I can’t bear the pain of his beatings

  67. Reshma says:

    Speak up if you have been abused. It’s never your fault. I repeat NEVER YOUR FAULT

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