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For All Those Times

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For All Those Times

For all those times
You stripped away my layers
Made me taste forbidden fruit
Forced my hands to do your work
Penetrated beyond boundaries
Hands snaked around my neck ready to silence the sound 

For all those times
I never said no. 

For all those times
I endured unwanted shadows creeping inside
Felt cold metal of a barrelled gun pushed against my head
Suffered perversion of injustice
Paralysed my breath through restrained fear
Offered my services on a plate

For all those times
I never said no. 

For all those times
I quickened my footsteps down a dim lit path
Criss-crossed patterns in the road to shake away the followers
Barricaded my sanctuary through blockades of furniture
Feigned sleep to hasten your desire
Gave you permission without speaking a word 

For all those times
I never said no. 

For all those times
I didn’t dare scream
Kept quiet
Stayed silent
Never fought back
Ever told 

For all those times
I never said no. 

For all those times
I felt special
Chosen by you
Thought you loved me
Wanted your attention
Asked for more 

For all those times
I never said no. 

For all those times
I trusted you
Loved you
Despised you
Feared you
Missed you 

For all those times
I never said no. 

For all those times
I trembled to speak
Felt ashamed
Pushed the knife deeper in
Faded into darkness
Shattered into broken pieces 

For all those times
I never said no 

For all those times
I am haunted daily
I speak out
Fear will no longer silence me
My voice shall be heard
Truth will resonate 

For all those times
I never said no. 

For all those times
I wasn’t asked
I give myself permission
My choice
My body
My right 

For all those times
I never said no. 

For all those times
I longed to say stop
Stop.
I am the adult
With ownership
Of my freedom 

For all those times
I never said no. 

For all those times
You think you won
Of lives destroyed
We will stand strong
United in power
Together as one 

For all these times
We will say no. 

©️ Elizabeth Shane 01.10.21 (CSA Survivor – author of Silhouette of a Songbird) 

Silhouette of a Songbird will be available to buy through Amazon.co.uk and Amazon.com

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Elizabeth Shane

About Elizabeth Shane

Elizabeth Shane is an author, poet, mother, community volunteer, survivor of child sexual abuse (CSA). Before writing her first book, 'Silhouette of a Songbird’, Elizabeth had never read or written any poetry. Her previous counsellor suggested finding a hobby as an outlet which Elizabeth did somewhat reluctantly, joining a community choir. To her surprise, singing in choir had such a positive impact on her mental health, it encouraged Elizabeth to try other creative avenues taking up singing lessons, drama and creative writing to help improve her lack of confidence. With encouragement and support from her drama teacher, Elizabeth began to explore poetry as a creative tool to express all the bottled-up feelings, anger and pain she struggled to articulate as a child through to adulthood. As well as giving talks about her lived experiences, supporting charities and organisations through writing, podcasts and speaking engagements, Elizabeth received letters from members of the Royal Family in response to offering her book for their charitable causes. Elizabeth uses her poetry to give strength and hope for all those who are searching to make sense of a traumatic past, to empower others to have a voice and right to be heard. She continues to raise awareness of the complexities and impact of childhood trauma to break the stigma and silence around difficult conversations, including the benefits of creative arts. Elizabeth also loves to explore the humorous side of day to day living, writing comedic verse as a way of navigating some of life's trials and tribulations, with her new book, A Poet’s View of Life, Laughter and a Little Dash of Mischief.

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