Blog Update - Harming Your Child by Making Him Your Parent

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Jamie
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Blog Update - Harming Your Child by Making Him Your Parent

Post by Jamie »

Harming Your Child by Making Him Your Parent
By Dr Samuel López De Victoria Ph.D. | Saturday, 18 Jul, 2020 | 3mins read time

A very subtle way to create damage in your child is to turn that child into your parent. This process is called parentification, not to be confused with parenting. Parentification can be defined as a role reversal between parent and child. A child’s personal needs are sacrificed in order to take care of the needs of the parent(s). A child will often give up his/her own need for comfort, attention, and guidance in order to accommodate to the needs and care of logistical and emotional needs of the parent(s)
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Re: Blog Update - Harming Your Child by Making Him Your Parent

Post by Clods »

Hi,
It's not exactly the same thing, but Douglas Fairburn and Andre Green (both psychoanalysts) talk about something similar in situations where the parent withdraws psychically, and emotionally, from their child for whatever reason - There's a really helpful summary of some of Fairburn's ideas in this blurb for a day conference:

https://www.confer.uk.com/event/trauma-bond.html

Andre Green writes about this - the way the child becomes parent for their depressed mother, in his paper 'the dead mother'. He says that when the mother withdraws into depression, it's like a bereavement for the child, and the child does everything they can to bring the mother back to life, and keep her alive, so they cut off their own needs and desires, and can't develop their own sense of self.
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