I am only forgiving you because I am mature enough to take responsibility of my life, actions and happiness as an adult. I had no control over who my parents were or how they treated me but have all the power in the world to change my life (regardless of my fathers comments about me and the constant sympathy/pity towards me). forgiving him doesn't mean he is right and forgiving him doesn't mean I want him back in my life. forgiving him for me allows me to safely place the blame and responsibility to the person who owns it, that is my father. I wont let his actions ruin my future he is just a man and although biologically connected doesn't give him permission to let others do as he says. respect, trust needs to be earned no matter whether you are blood related or an homeless.
Me, myself and I
I was punished and isolated as a child for trying to speak out and not ‘forgiving’ = accepting and excusing their behaviour in their eyes.
There is nothing that rages me more than the view shared by my good for nothing, fake, insincere, do gooder abusers that walk through life hiding behind a mask of being morally superior in particular to the rotten to the core me that they tell the world about. That the fact that I do not forgive is further prove of my badness and wrongness. And that the problem is me. And that I am a defect human who is treated accordingly and that they are completely justified in their behaviour.
For those whom forgiving truely serves themselves as oppose to their abusers this is wonderful.
Personally, I am working towards feeling proud and not ashamed of myself for not forgiving. That day will be a very good day.
Besides, I cannot forgive someone who is not sorry.
With the primary one I've had to survive with them in the periphery of my life, i've yet to raise it directly here too but this one has gone out of his way to repeatedly antagonize and bring me down and has shown no hint of remorse. So fuck him, i gave up on it long ago but it has continued to underline itself.
I tried to basically ignore it seeing this as least damage for some including innocent parties around and linking us before having a breakdown of sorts right on schedule quite recently. I gather this forgiveness analogy of holding onto a hot piece of coal burning only really yourself, to let it go. Well i'm not convinced it fully works so ideally like that in this sort of case. When you give a person an inch and they repeatedly keenly take liberties and really make you regret bothering at all it begs a question of why invest any hope or trust in them or interact with them in any way unless you absolutely have to? &it'd seem insincere to forgive at a fair distance and then kinda retract if they're in proximity. I'm trying to simply move on and resolve within myself. A battle is due to be coming at a suitable time but that time can't suitably be now unless i put my own selfish will above the probable health of others. Which i'm not going to do. that'd be comparably as bad an option as 'forgiving' rn.