Poll - Forgiveness

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Have you forgiven your abuser(s)?

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Wavingnotdrowning

Re: Poll - Forgiveness

Post by Wavingnotdrowning »

I played the forgiveness game for 25 years. Not anymore. When I found he had abused other girls it made me sick. What I have suffered over the years just gets harder not easier with time and what those girls will suffer as a result of their abuse at his hands they probably won't know until they are much older and can look back at their lives. I don't know how my life would have been without the abuse but I now see the pattern that overshadowed my development, see the scars that I have been left with, and feel the pain of people would love me and want to be close to me.

Do I forgive him now? Hell no! I hope the bastard rots in jail.

As my Victims Advisor said "Go in there and nail the bastard to the wall"
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SociallyAwkward
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Re: Poll - Forgiveness

Post by SociallyAwkward »

I almost clicked " I don't know " because I'm not sure if it can be called abuse..... Then decidedly clicked no because I hate him.
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x-man
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Re: Poll - Forgiveness

Post by x-man »

I believe Sartre's comment, and even have it on a tee shirt "Evil cannot be redeemed."
The true paradises are the paradises we have lost.
Time Regained--Proust
m&m
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Re: Poll - Forgiveness

Post by m&m »

He hasn't apologized...
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x-man
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Re: Poll - Forgiveness

Post by x-man »

Do you have any reason to think he IS apologetic? Would an "apology' even handle it if he did? Some 20 years after I saw my mother last, I went from my home in Toronto to be with her on her deathbed in Vancouver, I told myself that after all those years she must have mellowed. What I found was that she was far worse, far more vicious than I remembered her to be. I said to her, "You know I'm an adult now. I'm strong now. I'm not the weak little kid you could torment." Her response, and I am not making this more dramatic or freaky than it was, was to narrow her eyes, and in a deep, gravelly voice like in the Exorcist growl out, "You haven't seen anything yet!" I repeat what Sartre said, "Evil cannot be redeemed." I was confronting absolute evil, but I WAS stronger, I was not weak, she lost the battle in her attempt to destroy me. But I sure do have a lot of scars.
The true paradises are the paradises we have lost.
Time Regained--Proust
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Rachelle
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Re: Poll - Forgiveness

Post by Rachelle »

I will never forgive them for what they did to me and my siblings. Never.
Rachelle
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Kare
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Re: Poll - Forgiveness

Post by Kare »

I wish I could have answered "yes" but I keep getting stuck in my grieving process. My abuser suffers from narcissistic personality disorder (among other things) so she is unable to truly apologize for her behavior. I keep trying to forgive but the anger and sadness never seem to go away. She is unable to stop her abuse and selfish behavior.
Recommended reading: Complex PTSD- From Surviving to Thriving by Pete Walker, The C-PTSD Workbook (2017), Childhood Disrupted: How Your Biography Becomes Your Biology and How You Can Heal, The Body Keeps the Score, It Wasn't Your Fault by Beverly Engel
Contact me for more resources. I'm happy to share.
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Midnight Sun
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Re: Poll - Forgiveness

Post by Midnight Sun »

If she ever had given me the slightest trace of love, compassion and respect, I think I could have forgiven.
But she never loved me, or loved anyone in her life. Why would I forgive someone who just views people other than herself as objects she can use and own ?
I won't forgive her, because I won't let her own me.
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x-man
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Re: Poll - Forgiveness

Post by x-man »

My abuser, my mother, devastated 7 lives. She was the closest to absolute evil I have ever come across. Sartre wrote, "Evil cannot be redeemed."
The true paradises are the paradises we have lost.
Time Regained--Proust
freddy
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Re: Poll - Forgiveness

Post by freddy »

For an individual who crosses the line and wishes they hadn't and seeks help and tries to make amends - perhaps.

For a parent who sells their child like a commodity for rape, torture, pornography and possible murder - NEVER. Some things are beyond forgiveness. Some things are a good argument for a death penalty. Some people are beyond any redemption. Why would you even try and forgive? I agree with X-man's quote "Evil cannot be redeemed"
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Unknown
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Re: Poll - Forgiveness

Post by Unknown »

I'd like to day that I've forgiven him, but I think that I haven't really acknowledged what he did to me enough to forgive. I answered "I don't know," I don't hold anger toward him, but that's not the same as forgiveness. I think I need to place blame on him first, then I can truly forgive.
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peaceangel
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Re: Poll - Forgiveness

Post by peaceangel »

I have forgiven them as much as I can. I am trying to see them as a couple of immature kids who had me when they were too young and just didn't know how to parent. However, it is hard to forgive them completely, because they have never admitted that their neglect and abuse harmed me. I do not want them back in my life because I am afraid of being hurt all over again.
holdmybreath
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Re: Poll - Forgiveness

Post by holdmybreath »

No, I have not. I don't know how to when he not only doesn't feel sorry for it but sees nothing wrong in what he did to me. I can understand why he did what he did, because he himself was neglected as a child but that does not excuse nor forgive abusing your own family. I struggle with forgiveness and moving on because the people that have wronged are so self centered in their own universes that they don't even see nor do they care how much pain they have caused me.
Ruby red
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Re: Poll - Forgiveness

Post by Ruby red »

I say and act like I have forgiven and I’ve had to forgive people I loved of horrific things cause you can’t heal without forgiveness. As my counselor always said. But deep down I can’t forgive them. I was locked in rooms and starved and beat and treated worse then a dog. And then finally saved so I thought and went through the foster care system and was just a paycheck or sexually abused by foster parent or other foster kids. And there not sorry and therefore don’t deserve my forgiveness
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Wildhorse
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Re: Poll - Forgiveness

Post by Wildhorse »

Each time my narcissistic mother has abused me when I was child or adult it has been to do with her insisting that she use me / abuse me to meet her own needs/wants. Aswell as angering me she has often got me to feel sympathy for her. I am not sure I have forgiven her, it more that I have been forced into feeling sorry for her.
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