Poll - Survivor Meetings

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Would you go to a Survivors' Group

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lisowska
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Re: Poll - Survivor Meetings

Post by lisowska »

I think possibly I would but initially I would be terrified. I would want somebody present who was either a trained counsellor or trained to lead a group and who had experience of being abused.
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lraincloud
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Re: Poll - Survivor Meetings

Post by lraincloud »

After having one of me asked to leave a group and another stay, we decided all together not to go back. But, looking back, I think things could have been handled differently and still would have worked had I had my T call and talk to them extensively in advance about my condition. I didn't do that because I just assumed that they could deal with me having multiple selves. I didn't even realize until several weeks in the people running it were volunteers and not mental health staff, although I wouldn't be surprised if they were survivors. I was just really focused on having the guts to go, not thinking that they would need training to deal with me.

I actually found that the other group members were fine with whichever me went and were very accepting and understanding. That part was awesome. It's just the leaders that seemed to me to be scared.

Anyway, I want to try again, because I actually think it could be helpful.
chris12
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Re: Poll - Survivor Meetings

Post by chris12 »

I have been making an effort to try and get a survivor led meeting and group work sessions set up on and off. I had a horrendous meeting with 2 NHS admins the other week asking how much support that professional would be able to put in on either a volunteer basis or pay per session basis , and was laughed out of the offices, being told that the service would be a waste of resources as was not needed basically and I should not meddle. Sorry this has made me even more determined to try and set something up in the new year if I can.
We spread our wings in search of truth,and all it brings, we got a glimpse of a forgotten dream.
Survival is your strength: not your shame. ts elliot.
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lraincloud
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Re: Poll - Survivor Meetings

Post by lraincloud »

That's really thoughtful, Chris. :)

I'm sorry you were not taken seriously.
chris12
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Re: Poll - Survivor Meetings

Post by chris12 »

Upset me and to be blunt pissed me off that the so called professionals showed no interest. In supporting the idea that would perhaps lead to some people not needing so many clinic appointments.
We spread our wings in search of truth,and all it brings, we got a glimpse of a forgotten dream.
Survival is your strength: not your shame. ts elliot.
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lisowska
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Re: Poll - Survivor Meetings

Post by lisowska »

I'm sorry to hear their reaction Chris. What will it take for people to take notice and do something to help abuse victims? Thank God for Havoca and Napac etc but there is a desperate need for more help. Especially now with all the news regarding child abuse you'd think that there would be more done. For instance there is no place for abuse survivors to go in our town. The nearest place is in a town miles away which is expensive to get to if you don't drive and hard to make appointments that fit around work, kids etc.
However, you have really inspired me Chris and I will speak to a friend who is quite clued up on this sort of thing to see if he has any ideas and post them on here. He has already suggested getting a local church involved to see how it would work to book space for example. I hope you get a more positive response if you try again. I really admire you for giving it a bash.
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lraincloud
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Re: Poll - Survivor Meetings

Post by lraincloud »

Yes, I would be angry, too, Chris.
chris12
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Re: Poll - Survivor Meetings

Post by chris12 »

I am in talks with a Counselor I know but have not seen as a client, though she does know a little re my story and problems, she can spare 3 evenings a month and just expects a contribution towards travel expenses. I have the option of a room @ mind and the local church so will look into costings and take into account which one will be the easiest for people to get to. So slowly making progress....On my own. applied for a lottery grant but turned down. no matter will look to other places for funding.
We spread our wings in search of truth,and all it brings, we got a glimpse of a forgotten dream.
Survival is your strength: not your shame. ts elliot.
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Baby Noor
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Re: Poll - Survivor Meetings

Post by Baby Noor »

((( Chris )))

Sounds brilliant! Can I be open about what I have seen in a survivor led group?

I went to a support group without a therapist. It did help me a lot to show up sit there drink tea and acknowledge, I think it was based on the American model, it was in another country.

I think how good this type of group is ultimately depends on how solid and caring the main personalities are! Like Havoca - nice people nice forum. The group I was in went wonky when some aggressive personalities essentially took it over. A friend of mine was bullied and very mildly sexually harrassed, the two dominant female personalities suddenly promoted a gay agenda and it was somehow not okay to be straight and hand holding was compulsory and unwanted. My friend was upset and with my abuse background this was all like a red rag to a bull and I launched at the two leaders and told them what I thought of their behaviour and agenda. There was a massive argument and I left and my last words were "I do not need you!".

The group had been brilliant and it was a real shame that sexual politics and power spoiled it. Probably they meant well but couldn't resisit wanting to be in control and have power and promoting their political agendas.

Remember not to let anyone see it as politics and agendas and try to take over. I gained more than I lost by being in that group and I'm sure you will help lots of people. Just keep the aggressive insecure people at bay. Sorry if I am very honest.

All faith to you!!!

Noor
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lraincloud
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Re: Poll - Survivor Meetings

Post by lraincloud »

I wonder if anyone has resources or links to post about guidelines for successful group meetings? Or maybe a checklist of what to look for?
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Baby Noor
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Re: Poll - Survivor Meetings

Post by Baby Noor »

Oh so sorry, I thought you meant one without a counsellor! Even better then :) :) :) :) :)
chris12
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Re: Poll - Survivor Meetings

Post by chris12 »

A lot of the frame work for group I am planning will be focused on peer---- peer support, but Ideally with support from people from different professions from time to time to try and answer peoples questions. That is one reason I went to the NHS to see if any doctor or psychiatrist input could be made available on any basis . I will talk to my own GP to see if she is interested , also an advocate .
We spread our wings in search of truth,and all it brings, we got a glimpse of a forgotten dream.
Survival is your strength: not your shame. ts elliot.
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Baby Noor
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Re: Poll - Survivor Meetings

Post by Baby Noor »

OK then my reaction would be maybe think about devising tough ground rules with input from a psychiatrist particularly about any type of touching, hand holding etc. And opportunities for people to express ANY concerns they may have freely and without fear of being shunned or disapproved of by the group. There are weaker personalities and stronger personalities and it's important to make sure they compliment each other and do not both take the unhealthiest course i.e. the strong dominate and the weak are dominated.

This is just based on what I experienced and went through.

Noor
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Re: Poll - Survivor Meetings

Post by Sigma »

Trying to put my thinking cap on here and look objectively at the situation from the different angles. I think setting up a group for surviours is great, like Havoca is. I can see why psychiatrists and the nhs are unwilling though. Funding across mental health has been slashed, you sit in front of your own psychiatrist and they shake their heads at the lack of resources they have to offer. I'm wondering also, Havoca works because we all know it's our own opinion, we offer support rather than any therapeutic approach, volunteer and non professional led.

I wonder how the dynamics would change if it was professional led by therapists. For one I suspect it would change peoples expectations, I wonder if people would expect more, an element of healing! In the same way as I do by going to therapy. Also professionals have to adhere to their own ethical guidelines - so I think it changes things quite significantly.

Is it a support group or group therapy !

Just a few ponderings - though I wish you wasn't treated the way you were, that's shocking.

Good luck x
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Pourlavie
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Re: Poll - Survivor Meetings

Post by Pourlavie »



Just wanted to add my own "fourpennyworth" to this important thread.

In many ways we are already attending a survivors meeting; non physically, right here. I think everyone would agree; at least in part, the the sense of community and belonging created in this place have been/are at times invaluable, at times overwhelming (maybe a little scary). Some members are; maybe , a little more active than others, but everyone takes part.

Translating this into a physucal reallity would; obviousely, require considerable contemplation and planning, but would; I think, provide a major "next step" for those who were; personally, able to take it.

Peace & strength,

John
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