Poll - How old were you when you first disclosed?

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How old were you when you first disclosed?

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Jamie
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Poll - How old were you when you first disclosed?

Post by Jamie »

How old were you when you first disclosed about your abuse?
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Carrie
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Re: Poll - How old were you when you first disclosed?

Post by Carrie »

Tricky question for me, but I have answered with the age that I finally realised that what I had lived with was abuse.
Before that I still thought everyone else's life must be just the same & thought it was just me that was weird, not my family.
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Re: Poll - How old were you when you first disclosed?

Post by jml »

This was also the age when I finally searched out for help - but it was complicated by other things that had gone on in my life.
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Re: Poll - How old were you when you first disclosed?

Post by Devonlass75 »

I tried at the time - my best friend from primary school remembers me telling her and we devised ways of me never being home alone with him.. missing the bus home her coming home with me and locking ourselves in my bedroom etc...

i then tried again when i was 16... which didn't really work either

this year is the time i was able to disclose and see it through - i was 36....

a long time wasted....

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Re: Poll - How old were you when you first disclosed?

Post by Eva »

I tried to tell when I was a child but nobody believed me.
I told a counsellor when I was in my thirties.
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Re: Poll - How old were you when you first disclosed?

Post by Sigma »

A hard question - I did see a child therapist/ psychiatrist as my behaviour was all over - but I refused to speak as my mum was in the room - I got a good kicking for not speaking - go figure !

And at school - highschool things were known

So ....

I picked the age I decided to sort it out ! X
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Re: Poll - How old were you when you first disclosed?

Post by True Blue »

I was 14 years old and I had told 3 friends my own age first then I told my dad.
I only plucked the courage up to tell because I had a pregnancy scare and this
made me realise that enough was enough. I then had to tell my aunty because dad could not cope
with it and then my cousin and one of my dad female friends. Then a doctor then the police and a social worker
Talk about one big circle
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Re: Poll - How old were you when you first disclosed?

Post by chris12 »

I tried to disclose when I was 8 not believed/heard. the abuse went on for many more years but i was silenced by fear, bribes etc. shut it all out then had a breakdown/burnout due to the nature of my work when i was 23. the good from disclosing most of it back then and the subsequent therapy, investigations and legal redress lasted till back end of 2008. I then was hit by PTSD depression because of abuse that happened to me, October 2011 I realized I had to address the way I was feeling and not be an agrophobic, antisocial introvert. not be depressed about it all so set about finding help , trying to get friends back, trying to go to places. It has been a hard year but my quality of life has got better, other life events have come along that knocked me back again I am thankful for all the support and info I have got from HAVOCA and its members. In January this year I decided to be B-minded and see what did happen to one abuser that I reported a long time ago and a couple I had not, since then investigations have started and continue into the abusers that the police are still able to, been hard at times anxiety wise etc but on the whole I am glad I took this step again as in some ways it puts my mind at rest. Thank you pocketeers for being here for me and hand holders, it really has helped. I am in a better mental state than I was overall my last PTSD score was lower so measurable improvement , as well as me thinking and believing I have moved on.
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Re: Poll - How old were you when you first disclosed?

Post by JACK »

Hi this is my first time posting im 48 and abused by a relitive i have just lost my husband to cancer which is very hard to accept i first told a frend 4 years ago but made her promise not to tell anyone she a great frend supported me and encouraged me to tell with out breaking her promise with all the upset with my husbands illness i have now told my brother who because of work has had to inform the police my abuser has admitted to it i now have a number for the police that i have to phone its all a mess not sure i;v even done the right thing my husband knew there was something but i was never brave enough to tell him the truth :( :( :(
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onde
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Re: Poll - How old were you when you first disclosed?

Post by onde »

Hi Jack....

I'm sorry to hear all that - it's a lot to deal with in one go! Don't beat yourself up on what you do or don't do or did or didn't do; you can't expect more from yourself than you can manage (if that makes sense!). Things come out or don't come out when we are strong enough - there's no external timetable you absolutely have to follow. Working with the police sounds really hard but you'll get through it and it should all be for the best. Keep us updated! xx
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Re: Poll - How old were you when you first disclosed?

Post by SociallyAwkward »

Kept it a secret for 10 years. I didn't want my brother to think I was gay, and I didn't want my mom to be mad at her best friend, but one day their father went to jail for molesting the oldest daughter ( and possibly the others as well ). When that happened me and my brother told mom about John. It just made sense to finally come out with it. She didn't doubt us one bit.

It was strange learning that my brother was also touched by this pervert.....
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Re: Poll - How old were you when you first disclosed?

Post by Disneygirl »

I haven't yet
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Re: Poll - How old were you when you first disclosed?

Post by Rosie-the-Riveter »

I was in my mid-twenties when I first realized that I'd been abused and when I first used the word "abuse" to describe what had happened to other people. That said, since I was a kid, I'd often talked about how difficult my mother was. When I realized that I'd been abused, it was actually a relief because at least everything made sense. I realized that it wasn't my fault, that I wasn't fundamentally flawed, that she was just insane and mean.
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Re: Poll - How old were you when you first disclosed?

Post by moony »

Disneygirl wrote:I haven't yet
Me neither but have considered telling my husband recently
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Re: Poll - How old were you when you first disclosed?

Post by JustAnotherFace »

I agree with Carrie. This is tricky. I didn't exactly disclose. I didn't understand what was going on. My dad walked in on it when I was 8, 5 years after my first memories of some of the abuse. After that the police got involved, the state opened a case, I was sent to therapy, but because of the abuse being committed by my mother, which I have never officially disclosed top anyone except closer friends, I had to pretend I was perfectly fine so the state would close the case. However, the abuse never stopped. I lived with the person who molested me until I was 18. Since then he has taken every chance he has had to act inappropriately towards me. I no longer talk to him, but my ex husband (the narcissist I married to escape my family) allows him to have unrestricted access to our children in order to hurt me.

So, I guess I never officially disclosed, but some of it was discovered when I was 8.
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