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Wait, I just had a weird memory thought about childhood- I think of how much I desperately looked forward to summer and still do today. I don't know if I really means that I enjoyed those times or if it just meant that it was less burdensome, less threatening for me,a small period of relief from making mistakes, or what if a test or a class doesn't go perfectly. I don't know if that's mine, liking summer, because of who I am, or because of what was done to me.
When I first went to counseling at age 24... a few weeks into it, I formulated a scenario in my head where I was able to go back in time to my house and save my 8 year-old self from the rest of what would otherwise have happened to him. Now, more than 10 years later, my second round of counseling, my therapist has suggested that I might frequently reach out internally to that boy and talk to him, was challenged to let that happen freely. For me, the theraputic effect is letting my inner child hear from someone who cares about him that he is worth protecting, sticking up for, that he is better than the situation he is born into.
In these imaginery scenarios, that trapped 8 year old boy gets a way out, and he gets to see what happens when a grown man with more size, strength, power (inner and outer) more self-control, more kindness and understanding than the child's parental abusers, steps in and challenges the abusers to the extent the situation calls for, not with a sense of hate or vengence, but with the full knowledge of the severe imbalance, injustice, and secret pain and suffering kept concealed. That child gets to witness the introduction of the truth to his abusers, that they have no business parenting, and they no longer have the right to interact with that child, and he is truly no longer theirs.
The child has someone he can trust to turn to. The grown man can tell the child he's not expected to possess the strength and abilities of a balanced, fully grown adult; and that any inadequacies he feels are natural but unnecessary. Children are not made to endure, accept, cope, or confront abuse and/or deal with their abusers and stop the abuse of any others around him.
Still working on it.
- Urban Rose
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That is inspired. Thanks for sharing.
keep going,workensleep wrote:Still working on it.
To think of how intelligent I am despite all my set backs... Now just go back in time and give me some god damn love and support and keep that weirdo family out of my life. I would have actually written something by now ( I am a failure as a writer )
I didn't vote. I can't. It's too frustrating to think about. I want to be a normal healthy child with a regular family that doesn't split. I hate being disabled. No one takes me seriously!
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After sending some of my posts here(ONLY MINE! I hope that's ok)to a friend of mine she said that she was "Astounded that I have managed to be such a caring and fun person"!
Dis Me aka Wild Thing
please be respectful of my personal wish that any religious or remotely spiritual content not be posted to me along with any content referring to self harm or suicide
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Member Of The Year 2020Don’t act normal