Inside my head

Inside my head

by Paul

There’s a loneliness inside my head,
Yet on the outside all can seem well,
The sadness creeps up as I work, play and go to bed,
My thoughts race, emotions run, and feelings swell,

Why do I feel this way?
No one seems to notice or care,
I wish I could feel happiness for just one day,
Yet as hard as I try I zone out – just sit and stare,

A life that should bring so much joy,
A wonderful wife, children and roof over my head,
I am grateful – yet my emotions rage and destroy,
I wake most days depressed, anxious, and full of dread,

What it would be to be held, nurtured and loved,
Like a child is supposed to be – safe and at peace,
Yet my experience differs and affection begrudged,
One thing I hold onto and strive for at least,

I will be the one who gives love, care and comfort,
Declare that I will always love my wife and children despite my struggles,
Nothing shall be too much and I will give my best effort,
What could be better than warm loving cuddles?!

So despite the battle raging inside of my brain,
I will try my best to move on from the past,
Some days it feels easier to hide the pain,
I hold onto hope that forever it won’t last,

A childhood marred,
And riddled with abuse,
An adult scarred,
Yet willing to choose,

A time to heal and work it all through,
My family need me and I need them,
It’s painful and triggering and draining too,
But perseverance must pay and light will shine again,

These are my thoughts, ramblings and release,
My honest writing of how I feel,
Someone believe me I ask you please,
Help me to overcome this traumatic raw deal.

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Support, Information and Guidance for adult victims of child abuse and their support networks.

One Response to Inside my head

  1. johnizzejohnizze says:

    The most powerful statement for me in your post read, “willing to choose.”. This is so critical in any form of recovery. In fact, we make the choice everyday to choose — choose to heal or choose something else. If you are in the process to choose, I would love to speak with you.

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