havoca internet safety cautionSafety

A word of caution
The internet is a great source of information. However I suggest that you treat all of this information, and especially information that you seek regarding your own health and well-being, with caution.
This is not to say that information that you discover on the internet is inaccurate or misleading. While some of it can be pretty suspect, much of it is valuable.
Well-intentioned rather than well-informed
As a general rule it is wise to consider all health-related information from whatever source and including this site to be well-intentioned rather than well-informed. Your safety must come first.
It is impossible to provide even reasonably accurate personal suggestions without first taking a very detailed case history. Even then any suggestions need to be carefully discussed with the person for whom the suggestions are designed.
So act cautiously and responsibly with regard to all health-related suggestions. Evaluate them and decide for yourself how much, if any, applies to your personal circumstances and please proceed with caution when applying such suggestions in your life.
You must be the judge
Who can you rely on? Which sources of information are absolutely reliable? What information can you accept and apply immediately without having to think about it?
You are the only person responsible for your safety.
You cannot even blindly rely on information from your own family doctor, who may have known you for years. Nor from a qualified specialist, therapist, scientist, nor anyone else. Why?

Be cautious and sceptical
Because none of these experts knows you well enough to be able to prescribe what is right for you in a manner that you can accept without…
questioning it
verifying it
seeking a second, third or , in serious situations, even a fourth or fifth opinion
cross-checking the information with that from other sources, and so on…
Do this until you are sure that it is not only the best quality information but it is also the most pertinent to your particular circumstances.
Then, when you do come to apply the information, remember that it is your body, your mind, and your life.
You are the one who loses if things go wrong.
So apply the information with caution – and carefully monitor the effects, being prepared to change things if you are unhappy with the results.
Treat this information similarly.
I believe that the information on this site is reliable – up to a point. That point is that any information regarding your health and well-being must be tailored to your personal circumstances.
If I spent some time getting a detailed ‘case history’ from you the information would be a lot more relevant to your situation. (And would still need to be scrutinised by you – and cross-checked).
However I do not know you. So the information on this site is of a general nature. You have to decide which, if any, of it is appropriate for you. You then have to apply it to the degree what is appropriate for you.
Then, if you do apply the information or use some of the ideas and techniques offered here – please proceed with caution.
And please decide that it is your responsibility to subject all advice from whatever source, no matter how well qualified they appear, to the same critical thinking.
Be an active participant rather than a ‘patient patient’…

Online Safety Course
HAVOCA periodically runs a Safety Course tailored to Survivors of abuse and run entirely online and free of charge. To take part in the eight day course you need to be a member of our forums, access to a computer for about an hour a day and the drive and determination to progress a step further on your journey. For more information please follow this link

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The words “victim” and “survivor” are used throughout this website, but their limitations are acknowledged in that these terms may discount the aspects of a person’s life that are healthy and productive. The term “thriver” is now sometimes used to describe people who are not only surviving but flourishing. It better reflects the idea that child abuse is something that happens to people and should not be considered the core of their identity. On this website, the terms “victim” and “survivor”, which are commonly used in the abuse-related literature, designate a person who has experienced child abuse in his or her childhood.


15 Responses to Safety

  1. Liselotte K. Jensen-Newton says:

    I have made a petition to the “move on organization” for support to have the rights to get the “right biological parents” on our birth certificate, so we can be identified and protected against our mother and her husband / boyfriends, their family and relatives. I learned when you are an illegitimate child YOU HAVE NO ONE. You shall accept to be raped for dinner, roof over your head etc.. Your mother hates you ( my mothers abuse is leveled “torture”. Daily beatings, busted spleen, broken vertebra, cut up belly , because I could not commit suicide Japanese style. Worse was being told how they hated me, my half sister and half brothers good life, the names the called me. Every one excluding me in the schools etc. for being the ugly dirty black bastard.

  2. John doe says:

    You have it in you to survive and move on from your situation I know its hard to do but it is possible . talk to people who care about things you have been thru. The more support you have the more you feel like some one cares about what has happened to you. That in itself will help you to be stronger for you!

  3. Vern Ray Vann jr. says:

    I was an abused child. For 18 years, my mother, step brothers, step father and step father’s, brother and father, represented a system of physical, mental and sexual abuse. They as group made several attempts to murder and corrupt me, in various ways. When I was 3 years old they tried to hypnotizes me, to get me to forget the abuse, I pretended to be hypnotize so they wouldn’t kill me. As the years pasted and I got older, their abuse changed, it became more cryptic and under-handed. When I got to an age where I could physical protect myself, I began to confront them about their abuses behavior. I gradually talked about their abuse. when I started naming names. They became threaten that I would have them arrested and charged, so my mother, step father, and step brother, began to planned to have me murdered. I over heard their plans, and on Dec. 8, 1983, I killed both my Mother and step father. I went to prison for their murders, I was unable to talk about the abuse in court. I was sentence to 17 to 30 years in prison. I serviced my time and was released from prison in 1999 from the Michigan dept. of corrections. Since my release, I’ve been very productive with my life for the more part, working in social services helping other people reach their potential. Its now time for me to talk my story and get closure and maybe bring others who victimized me to justice. I’m no longer afraid to talk about my past, I’m no longer ashamed. I want to talk openly about my history, I have a strong need to do so. I need help and direction, please and thank you in advance.

  4. Yvonne says:

    just wanted to say I feel for you and hope you are able to enjoy your moments .Good thoughts to you.

  5. Michelle Adedayo says:

    I’m so pleased finding this great website and having the opportunity to share my past experiences with likeminded people. It is susch a shame the traumatic experiences abuse survivors have passed through from our toxic parents those that are supposed to be regarded as loved family. I can still clearly remember how my mother treated me badly preferring my younger sibling to me, asking me to undertake all the houseworks whilst my immediate sister enjoyed herself watching TV or accompanying her to social events. This definately affected my self esteem and confidence. I am thriving to improve myself but still feels something is holding from progressing.

  6. Kayla says:

    I was sold by my junkie mother and abusive father to a couple for about $1000. I was then physically and emotionally abused by them for about 10 years. I then was also in an emotionally abusive relationship for three years until I snapped and had to go to an ER at the age of 18. I have tried to commit suicide so many times since at least the age of 4, that I can’t keep count. No one ever cares to listen or ask how I feel. I’m supposed to act normal, but I am a 21 year old woman. I have had to fight since I was in the womb just to be alive. I’m tired of fighting, but there’s something in me that says dont give up yet each time I try to off myself. Thank you HAVOCA for creating a platform for me to at least speak. This eases my pain a little.

    • Carolina Ulffe says:

      We are roughly the same age, (I think) I’m 24 and wow I couldn’t relate more to your story. I thought I was alone in this. But I found this site and reading all these comments confirm that I am not alone. At a young age I was sold by my father as a prostitute. He also raped me and then my mom, aunt, and father brainwashed me by beating the crap out of me until I forgot. My grandma even casted some type of spell on me to keep an eye on me and make sure I didn’t come to knowledge of the truth. My older brother who is only a year older than me, was somehow also convinced by those family members to never tell me the truth about my abuse. He also sexually molested me and had sex with me. My mom and aunt encouraged to me bang my own head so hard over and over again till i forgot about the abuse. My aunt would aggressively shake my head. My dad would grill it into my head that I was never abused or raped and that what was happening wasn’t real. They drugged me every time I was having sex with a random man for money. They have tried to kill me multiple times and have myself attempted suicide. My whole life was a lie. These memories were so suppressed I went on trying to be normal and I wanted a normal life so bad. These memories never fully went away I would remember snippets of my abuse and torment all my life and I am now facing those memories. Unlocking them and trying to get through this pain and reality. The people I trusted and loved and cared knew the truth all along and did their best to make me forget, and call me crazy whenever I tried to question them about the truth. The immense amount of pain I feel is so heavy that I genuinely feel like my heart wants to explode. I am now seeking therapy to heal and move forward.

  7. Trista Rodriguez says:

    29 years old 4 kids 1 abusive family member my mom all her boyfirends abuse mostly current one physical my share of abusive men and a huband recently released of 1st degree attempted homicide charges with myself at the victim, sst only 8 months stripped of most rights back at moms abuse in a small town villiage with nothing left nowhere to go and 4 kids at her account now being abused with me i need support more than ever or i know what will happen next and i wont ever stop being like a lion and by their cubs because ill fight till I die for my kids like i drramed of having my whole life. ..i could never imagine doing to my children what my own mother has done and currently doing to us…..playing good guy bad guy individually is an alcholic yes ive reached out to professional help and im smart ive putbig picture together and this feeling is got me screaming inside while she smiles at us as we are just a game….then i watch her get attentiin from these people mostly over their drinks and abuse is 10 times worse when she drinks which is often we have no money thats all as i know im a great mom and i helped raise totsl now 7 step children and have 4 now of my own does anyone know the feeling you get when u are able by your abusers power to raise step children and be able to do so but arent seemly able to do so with your own!? Because of money and a built by many record with authority abuse as well!? Hey yall i really need to get this out as talking to your self so ur kids arent involved like a parent should do yet labled crazy when in fact im very smart now DEEP BREATH nice to meet anyone theres gotta be hope

  8. MaxandCisco says:

    I would like support

  9. Ana Rge says:

    Where do I begin? I’m 35 years old my abuse began at 5 and lasted most of my life until I joined the military at 17. It consisted of emotional abuse first by both my Mother and Stepfather then went on to sexual abuse by my Stepfather, and then physical abuse by both and lastly with emotional abuse by my Mother. It was a never ending cycle of abuse. I’m going on 5 years of no contact with my Mother. She is a narcissist that makes herself seem unto society as a humiliated Mother who’s daughter is evil. She did no wrong to me and how dare I look for my biological Father perform a DNA test and add him to my birth certificate and publicize it on social media. She claims she was nothing but an outstanding Mother and I am an ungrateful daughter that owes her my life, my career, my family to her. According to her and my half sisters I am a disrespectful individual that owes everything I worked hard for throughout my military career and after to her…. I have finally written a letter to my Stepfather confronting him of his sexual abuse. I mailed it out today. Growing up I was embarrassed to discuss it with anyone. Once after my daughter was born when I was 27 I tried telling my Mother what her husband did to me and she said that it wasn’t true and why would I try to make up such things. So I stopped in the middle of my story. Fast forward 8 years and I’m finally liberated to talk about it. I saw a therapist last year and I couldn’t come to terms and be honest if the root cause of my issues until now. My Mother hates me she tries by any means possible to alienate me from my aunts whom sincerely love me. She wants to see me suffer alone with no support and tries any opportunity she can to continue to hurt me emotionally. In February she had one of her Son in laws threaten me. I don’t understand why she can’t stay out of my life. She needs to forget I even exist such as I have. She is planning to have a church wedding with my Stepfather in the next couple of Months. I don’t know if this has angered me and made me send the letter telling him that he better come clean with the priest prior to getting hitched. I told him he better confess to the priest and her what he did to me when I was a little girl. A part of me wants to report him to the police to obtain justice for that innocent child I was. The other part of me feels bad for my half sisters and they don’t even speak to me. Should I leave everything in God’s hands because essentially his divine justice will take care of it or should I go forward with reporting him?

  10. Bobbijo says:

    Let’s change the United States to be a better place to live. Every life Matters!

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