Someone like me

Someone like me

When I was fifteen, sixteen, seventeen
Before anyone bothered, to intervene
Nobody questioned, my need to be alone
This was before C.D’s, and the mobile phone

I used to walk for hours, cross the fields I’d roam
No real purpose, so long as I, was not home
Usually afternoons, but sometimes mornings
You could hear the air, the oncoming warnings

I was not prepared, for the pull of the trains
And the need to go back, still strongly remains
I waited twenty years to go; venture back
I fell in love with this place, right by the track

It reminds me of a time, I felt so lost
At a time I was sad, and angry and cross
Things were complicated, and worries were rife
At a time I could not see, value in life

I’d stand by the track, and wave to the driver
Who did he think I was? Maybe a skiver?
Clearly troubled, but did I want to be dead?
No longer coping, with what lived in my head

I don’t seem to be able to remember
What time of year? I think maybe September?
I didn’t want to be here; to live this life
I wanted to stop, the daunting endless strife

Climbing to the track (why was it not steeper?)
Stones underfoot; the occasional sleeper
You can see where I used to live; my real home
Can’t go back there, with their hearts as cold as stone

The start of my walk; I don’t belong there neither
Staying with my folks; they can’t help me either
I think to myself, I must start heading back
It must have been this; made me get off the track

A long and winding path, this was just a ridge
Should have tried to stay safe; remain on the bridge
I don’t know what made me, turn and walk away
Glad that this dark place, is now so far away

I’ve been back to this place, now I’m thirty-five
Now my mind is calm, and not on over-drive
A reminder of hope, right beside the line
The placement of a new, Samaritans sign

Returning to here, it’s clear everything’s changed
The crops in the field, are pretty and arranged
Fences now stop you, getting on to the line
Did somebody lost, choose here to end their time?

I wrote this poem to help, someone like me
To show them there’s hope, when you set yourself free
You can move forward, get on with your journey
Yes you deserve it, and yes you are worthy!

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About Tanya Evans

I'm a self employed private tutor in Maths (and English) with learners ranging from 4 to 24 currently. I am a mother of three with a serious gym addiction and a massive need to write (since embarking on a healing journey).

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