Your feelings

Exploring your own feelings while the whole focus seems to be on the victims pain and their feelings.

It’s not easy to focus on your own feelings when the needs and the focus are all on the victim’s emotions. As the parent or loved one it is all too easy to concentrate your energy into dealing with the victim’s feelings and emotions.

dealing with child abuse issues is hugely compelling. For the victim, especially in the beginning stages, the pain is raw and the healing is very strenuous. As the parent or guardian your last concern is with dealing with your feelings, as you step from one crisis to another. The whole time you will be concentrating on the victim, your loved one. You probably won’t allow yourself to deal with your feelings because you might feel selfish if you do so. You’ll tell yourself that you will have time later.

I agree with the fact that you have put your needs aside for a while, but I must urge you not to ignore them all together. You also need help. You have also suffered the shock and trauma of your siblings revelation. It’s fine to put your needs secondary for a short time crisis, but dealing with the abuse is a long term crisis and you will have to deal with it in a completely different way if you are to survive as well.

Eventually you and your sibling will have to acknowledge each other’s feelings and emotions. You will have to form a team and you will have to get through different stages in your lives together. We strongly recommend you both see a therapist, either together or individually.

All this may seem selfish to you at the moment, but what good will you be to your child if you can’t be a survivor as well.

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