The Anger Question

Anger questionThe Anger Question

Who’s right???

A key question to consider if you really would like to deal with the anger habit is:
Do you want to be right…? …or happy?

Because, from your point of view, it is likely that much of your anger is quite justified: If the world ran according to my rules it would be a much better place – so who can blame me for feeling annoyed with the stupidity or thoughtlessness of others – with their refusal to recognise that my way is the best way…

That’s your viewpoint. You sincerely believe that your way, your ideas, your values, etc. are the best ones. And most other people feel the same about their views. And we cannot all be right. Nor can we all engage in a daily battle to get the world to come around to our way. If we did there wouldn’t be much time for more pleasant things like having fun or enjoying life.
But they are all stupid, inconsiderate, etc!

The world does not and will not run by any one person’s rules. (Mussolini tried it, and apparently got the trains in Italy to run on time, for a while, but he didn’t last too long.) The world will always be quite chaotic. That’s reality. There is no point in getting worked up about it. It is also a reality that the world is peopled by lots of people with (by our standards) rather crazy rules, values, and behaviours.

They will continue to drive their cars differently to us – and to have different views about what is or is not respectful behaviour, punctuality, tidiness, honesty, etc. Becoming angry is pointless because it changes nothing. Nor do we even have the right to change other people.
The ‘right or happy’ question

You may feel that you are in the right when you get angry. But the key question is: does it make you happy? Does it contribute towards your happiness and that of the people in your life?

Just think of the cost of your ongoing battle with disrespect, lack of consideration, carelessness, clumsiness, and so on!

Perhaps, like a lot of anger-habit people you have already done this yet your buttons are still being pressed. You are still being provoked by situations. You still lose your cool and sound off. And you still, afterwards, feel regret, remorse and self hatred.

So how about deciding that there’s no time like now to start the process of freeing yourself from the Short Fuse Habit….

2 Responses to The Anger Question

  1. Monica Dabney says:

    I love this, great tool. I use it with my coaching clients.

  2. Penelope says:

    Sorry havoca.
    Wanting to be right or wanting to be happy is not the solution to anger. Nor is it the “problem”. Nor is it a valid choice. It is actually inhuman to expect a choice of these two from a survivor.
    Being right can be a fact. Ex: hummingbirds have feathers.
    Being happy is an aspect of attitude, a perception. Ex: I am happy to see hummingbirds.

    A child will tell an average of 6 people before someone else knows they are RIGHT.
    And That? That is what creates this “problem” of anger.

    That is what creates a victim out of a survivor!

    Here’s a familiar monologue:
    “I DID my job, I TOLD. No one believed me. What good did it do me?” Over and over this plays in the mind of a victimized survivor. “I wasn’t worth helping” trolls around too.

    Denial is the problem. It is a deep deep river that many drown in.
    The real “problem” with angry survivors?
    They are right and have no choice about it.
    I would really rather not be right. So yes, you can bet your nonprofit I’m angry!

    My husband says “Everything is a tool.” So. That said.
    Anger is just a tool. Tools require training in order to be used. From can openers with simple how to instructions to motor vehicles with extensive training before use, Otherwise injury to self or others can occur.
    Bruce Banner quote “ I am always angry.”
    So, Be angry people!! Just don’t become the hulk.
    The solution to anger is how to use it. Because it is an awesome tool.

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