You can overcome the work of your inner abuser by using positive self talk. Positive self talk raises self esteem, deescalates anger and depression, and brings about uplifting feelings. It sets limits on how much your inner abuser is going to influence you.
Positive self talk is neither inflated nor deflated. It is a realistic assessment of yourself. Everyone has both positive and negative qualities. Positive self talk doesn’t focus on one or the other.
The word affirmation is often used to describe positive self talk. An affirmation is a statement or assertion about yourself that is hopeful, optimistic, and empowering. Positive self talk is a step further past affirmations. If affirmations are statements then positive self talk is a whole conversation.
Click here to open the affirmation section in a new window. Once you have studied and understood this section close the window and return to this page.
Now go back to the exercise you did at the beginning of the section. If you missed it here it is again:
Exercise: Write down some of your own negative self talk messages. Be specific. Are they work related? What about your intimate family? Do you run these messages with friends and family? Do you blame yourself for being abused?
Transform those negative messages into positive ones. Remember positive self talk messages include a realistic assessment of the circumstance as well as a positive interpretation of the situation. For example;
Negative: “The abuse screwed me up. No one will ever want to be with me.”
Positive: “The abuse has affected me in some ways, but I also have positive qualities. People see those qualities in me. Everyone has problems. at least I am working on solving mine.”