The Inner Abuser

Your inner abuser is the voice within you that calls you stupid or incompetent. He or she will criticize you at every opportunity. Your inner abuser will undermine your every effort and attack you at every opportunity. It is important to become aware at how your inner abuser is activated – usually when you make the slightest mistake or make a minor error of judgment. Even waiting at the bus stop may force your inner abuser to launch into an attack to tell you how bad your day is going to be, or that your hair looks dreadful today.

Your inner abuser thrives on your serious problems, such as addiction or violence, because it gives him the opportunity to get on your case on a regular basis. Here are some common negative messages spoken by the inner abuser:

  • you can’t do anything right
  • you’re stupid
  • you’re ugly
  • you’re too fat (too skinny)
  • you’re not strong enough
  • you’re unsuccessful
  • you are unlikable
  • you screwed up your marriage
  • you can’t trust others
  • you don’t deserve it

These negative messages usually result in a very low self esteem. This will only reinforce your anger and distrust toward yourself and others, which may ultimately lead to feelings of depression, alienation, and isolation. You may not be consciously aware of those inner messages, but you may feel low self esteem or distrust others. These problems can often lead to serious problems, such as violence, a critical attitude toward others, fear of communicating feelings, fear of asking for help when needed, social withdrawal, or dependence on chemicals. For healing to progress, these problems need to be addressed.

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