Swept Away on the Turbulent Wave of Remembering – Childhood Sexual Abuse
Remembering is a wave of turbulence
Spiraling down
Believing you will die from its force
Or drown in your grief over your loss of innocence
Tumbling round and round
Repeating over and over
I was just a child
At times the ride feels terrifying
At times hopeless
You want to rage at the injustice!
How could this have happened?
Will this ever end?
It Will End If you don’t give up and
You ride the wave to completion
The immense turbulence will lessen
And the once scary ride will be joyous
What emotions surface for you when you read this poem?
Share below, and let’s continue the conversation!
I want you to promise that what you say is true and then I won’t believe you. I want to ask what’s the point? Why swim against it… Why not just drown? What’s the reward for all this pain, is it even worth it? People would understand if I drowned in the turbulence, she tried her best they’d say… Why should I spend my whole life undoing something that wasn’t my doing? I mean those who gave me life have taken it off me and replaced it with pain and regret. If life wants me gone then why fight it?
Those are the feelings this brings up in me. I have no answers for the genius living in my head.
I’m not sure why living within Domestic Violence and sexual abuse have to be separated when discussing feelings, emotions and thoughts.
The same shame exists in both, the same overwhelming emotions exist in both, the same f**ked up life exists with both. Yet sexual abuse as awful as it is and I’m a survivor of i, always seems to be more important than other abuse, abuse is abuse no matter what the form
Everything in this poem could’ve been written for a person who went through domestic abuse so why label it sexually abuse? Because all this does is shames a person who went through domestic abuse as if it was nothing really at least it wasn’t sexual abuse, well excuses me but it might as well have been because the effects are the same.
Remembering my childhood is very painful. I am overwhelmed by what I have successfully locked away. I am angry and disturbed by what I have endured. What do I do with these emotions? I feel very very alone but I am not…there are many like me who have suffered as I have. There must be a reason. I hope exploring my childhood will lead to a sense of freedom, openness and peace.