What you Intended

What you intended

What you intended

I clocked you near the ticket office, as you walked in from the cold
Your face was calm, but your eye contact controlled

I noticed that you did not buy, a ticket or a fare
I followed you undetected, as you made your way to the stare

We both used the platform bridge, to cross over the track
I saw you look over your shoulder, so I decided to drop back

As you trudged down every step, your shoulders were slumped
As the next journey was announced, I watched as you jumped

I waited as you wandered, under your own private storm
You stumbled and meandered, to the end of the platform

You were blissfully unaware, that anyone could see you
Wrapped in a bubble of desperation, only I could see through

You seemed fidgety and uneasy, as you shifted from left foot to right
You had no ticket to travel. What brought you here on this night?

I tried not to make it obvious, that I was keeping an eye
I diverted my view to my watch, my phone and the sky

You chose to sit alone, on the very furthest bench
I saw your hands, as they began to tighten and clench

You got to your feet and wandered back and forth
I could still see you, if I looked to the North

I watched you as you stared, unblinking at the track
I prayed that you might, just take half a step back

I commute through this station, almost everyday
But I am pretty sure I have not seen you, behaving this way

Something was not right, I could tell by your air
You looked burdened and heavy, like you no longer did care

I walked towards you ambiguously, so as not to alarm
I sat on the same bench and you started scratching your palm

You flinched with every train, that raced through the station
I could sense your rising fear and sense of frustration

I could do nothing but watch, you held all the power
I don’t know how long I sat there, maybe a half hour?

It’s not long before you were up, dangerously close to the gap
I could see your tears start to flow, like an old broken tap
I know you heard the rumble, of the approaching fast train
I think I knew in that moment, what ran through your brain

You stood up quickly and took three steps, maybe four
Your body started to shake, suddenly very unsure

I’m glad that your fear, rooted you to the spot
You were not going to become, the one that time forgot

I saw your intention, I was now a stakeholder
In a split second decision, I placed my hand on your shoulder

You turned to look at me, your face was full of fright
You reminded me that life, is far from black and white

I asked you if you were OK and invited you to sit
It was then you disclosed, your intention was to quit

You told me some of the things, that were causing you pain
I listened intently, as it suddenly started to rain

I am so glad I watched you and saw what you intended
I am glad I was there and that it was my hand that was extended

I have missed my train now, but I was given a mission
You see I have once been in, your very position

You see somebody stopped me, from ending my life
She was someone’s sister, someone’s aunt and someone’s wife

She was the one who persuaded me, to get off of the track
Life is much better now, there is no looking back

I was sent to you tonight, to fill you with hope
To show you that you can, feel better and cope

I’ll give you my number, in case you ever feel lost
Because to pay with your life, is too great a cost

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About Tanya Evans

I'm a self employed private tutor in Maths (and English) with learners ranging from 4 to 24 currently. I am a mother of three with a serious gym addiction and a massive need to write (since embarking on a healing journey).

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