When I’m Feeling Better

When I’m feeling better.

When I’m feeling better
I wont think of you for a whole fortnight.

When I’m feeling better
I wont freeze and retch in bed with my partner.

When I’m feeling better
This low level pervasive sadness will be gone.

When I’m feeling better
I will pity you for you lost me.

When I’m feeling better
There will be no dark corners where I fear to tread
-In the world or in my head.

When I’m feeling better
I might see you and walk past without a flicker.

When I’m feeling better
I will not jump at loud noises,
Nor will I fail to respond until I am almost run over.

When I’m feeling better
I will look at you without feeling your hands all over me.

When I’m feeling better
I wont think you are walking behind me out of sight.

When I’m feeling better
I wont feel your desire for revenge, no matter how imagined it is.

When I’m feeling better
I’ll be able to please my partner, and he me.

When I’m feeling better
I wont fall into cavernous despair when one tiny thing goes wrong.

When I’m feeling better
I will feel strong and special, not powerless and petrified.

When I’m feeling better
I wont equate pleasure with abuse.

When I’m feeling better
I wont think of you, or the past for a whole fortnight.

JAS 23.7.01