When I’m feeling better
I wont think of you for a whole fortnight.
When I’m feeling better
I wont freeze and retch in bed with my partner.
When I’m feeling better
This low level pervasive sadness will be gone.
When I’m feeling better
I will pity you for you lost me.
When I’m feeling better
There will be no dark corners where I fear to tread
-In the world or in my head.
When I’m feeling better
I might see you and walk past without a flicker.
When I’m feeling better
I will not jump at loud noises,
Nor will I fail to respond until I am almost run over.
When I’m feeling better
I will look at you without feeling your hands all over me.
When I’m feeling better
I wont think you are walking behind me out of sight.
When I’m feeling better
I wont feel your desire for revenge, no matter how imagined it is.
When I’m feeling better
I’ll be able to please my partner, and he me.
When I’m feeling better
I wont fall into cavernous despair when one tiny thing goes wrong.
When I’m feeling better
I will feel strong and special, not powerless and petrified.
When I’m feeling better
I wont equate pleasure with abuse.
When I’m feeling better
I wont think of you, or the past for a whole fortnight.
JAS 23.7.01
Thank you for saying the words I couldn’t find. Your poem hit so close to my experience. Thank you.