HAVOCA - Negative Feedback

[Jamie]

I'd like to share some negative feedback with everyone because it concerns the community. It could be that the member is particularly sensitive at the moment but it could also be an indicator that some of the posts on the forum are very close to the line.

I'll leave it here so that everyone can ask themselves, are my posts appropriate, supportive and kind?

I know I only just registered and only just got approved, but I’ve now changed my mind and I’d actually like to now delete my account please. I can’t find the option to do it myself?

I was hoping to find here, a place where I could ask for advice and support regarding an issue I’m facing as an SA survivor.
But some posts and replies I’ve already seen by some users on other threads have unfortunately put me off, as these individuals seem quite harsh and judgmental I feel, and I feel I will be judged myself, or even blamed for the issue I’m facing, and that honestly is not what I need right now as I’m in a very fragile place and hurting a lot currently.
The last thing I need is ‘harshness’ or being judged, or blamed even.
So it’s best I bow out now and save myself any further stress or emotional and mental harm.

Sorry. But thank you anyway for allowing me to register, albeit only for an introduction post. I’m sorry it isn’t what I was looking/hoping for.

[Coeur de Lion]

It's nice of them to communicate this, rather than just sitting on it. We should take it to heart.

[Kadie]

I have brought attention to you Jamie and to two moderators here about posts and responses that I have considered insensitive and unkind and that I knew of 2 people ( maybe more ) who left because of them . And after inquiring if anything would be done ( as I had no reply) I was told that some people have a more blunt way of communicating.

[DIVINE]

.

[DIVINE]

Agree, Kadie, I too reported, hoping for the community that we no longer had to deal with her negativity...but she still runs rampant here.

[DIVINE]

Blunt or non compassionate, unkind, cruel way of communicating?

[Coeur de Lion]

I'm no saint, I am flawed, but the message in Jamie's post is not to look for people to judge, it's the opposite.

It takes the stronger person not to rise to provocation, not to judge what is perceived as provocation. When we see something that irks us, we must be better than to judge it, even if it seems to beg judgement.

"What could that person have experienced that would lead them to think in that way? What could they have suffered that would cause them to lash out when their assumptions are challenged? - their predictable assumptions, the ones that make them feel safe?"

I like a comment that [mention]john100[/mention] posted elsewhere, it says (in other words) that we don't have to assert that we are right, even if we are. It tells me that being right isn't the same as being useful.

"if you gaze long enough into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you"
-Nietzsche

[Kadie]

Coeur de Lion , I disagree with you. Maybe Jamie will clarity so there is no confusion or crossed wires.

I believe the message in Jamie's post is for us all to take care when responding to others as we are not in their shoes .

We are all responsible to help keep this a safe, caring place.

Is reporting a concern , judgemental then in your opinion ? And so we should not report anything that worries us ?

[DIVINE]

Agree Lion, I am flawed too very rarely do I react with negativity, but this one person provokes it seems that it is her intention provocation, she is not looking for support or wanting to offer support just to impose her version of truth.

Having said that it is not my intention to offend Jamie or the mods with my version of the truth.

I do not want to be banned. HAVOCA is my safe space.

[DIVINE]

Ok don't need the validation here that I am right...just want to be useful, kind, compassionate, supportive, loving....all that was denied to me in my childhood.

[Jamie]

Just as a matter of order, we never reveal what action is taken after a report is made.

[FloweringVine]

Just as a matter of order, we never reveal what action is taken after a report is made.

I've been told action taken by a mod here before via PM? Do mean you don't reveal this publicly, or at all?

[Jamie]

There are always exceptions but generally we don't publicly (although it has been known) and most of the time we don't privately. Where it might be useful, we can share, but that isn't the norm.

[Embers]

Just as a matter of order, we never reveal what action is taken after a report is made.

I've been told action taken by a mod here before via PM? Do mean you don't reveal this publicly, or at all?

Me too x

[Jamie]

I'm sure thats true but I can guarantee you wouldn't have been told the whole picture/action. We try to keep it as professional as possible.