DID – WHY IS SHE IN BED ALL DAY? – A Partner’s Perspective
Understanding what your partner or significant other (SO) may be going through:
For most of her life, your SO has had a `system’ that has helped her cope with everyday life, as well as some horrible events in her past. The job of the system is to keep it all together and help her to function. The system was great at protecting her, but as she got older, things started falling apart.
She might have noticed that she was losing significant amounts of time. Could be an hour here, a month there, or in some cases, entire years. She starts `popping in’ right in the middle of a sentence, with no idea what’s going on. She becomes adept at covering for these unexplained lapses in a number of ways. The aforementioned denial is always a popular one.
Perhaps she realizes that someone takes over her body, but she can see what’s going on while this is happening (co-present). The voices start. She can’t concentrate, can’t work, can’t bathe; she can barely function.
This is the crisis stage, when it all starts unraveling. It can raise its little head in any number of ways, from mild to severe. A formerly active person can become totally unable to work. A person might be able to work, but at a reduced capacity. Or perhaps she goes to work each day, does an excellent job, but has no idea how the work gets done.
You, the beloved partner, might find yourself the only capable member of your household. Find help for your SO and your family quickly. Enlist the aid of friends or neighbors to help with the kids or whatever needs to be done to nnderstanding DID.
It is imperative that at this point, you do NOT push your SO. Things are not well `up there’ and you’re only going to cause more confusion and overwhelm by getting frustrated and demanding things that she’s not able to provide.
If you push anything at all on her, you re doing more damage than you think. After all, doing things against her will was what got her here in the first place, right?Most of all, reinforce that she is a great, brave person. A survivor. Tell her that you love her a lot. She needs to hear this repeatedly, because she firmly believes she’s not good, from years of abuse. Plus, you might have to repeat yourself frequently anyway, as you’re likely to be talking to different alters, understanding DID.