The scapegoat culture in child sexual abuse: meet Calimero
The recent avalanche of child sexual abuse revelations in the press, and the documentary Godvergeten, about how the church and the state still don’t deal with child sexual abuse, remain vivid topics of disgust.
It appears the recent revelations of child sexual abuse in other spheres then the family circle affect everyone, one way or another.
It’s been over a month now, and it is ongoing. The press keeps pressure on the subject, and people don’t let go or disconnect from the subject, yet.
There is something of a global tipping point I feel, hope.
I was expecting the Swiss pilot research report would be a gone subject within 48 hours. And it looked that way initially. Slowly but surely, it looks like it might trickle through:
- case in Neuchatel
- Swiss church starting to be negative about sexual abuse revelations
- Swiss church wanting to take control of the matter by creating a specific court
- Swiss press acknowledging the omerta surrounding incest in Switzerland.
I find there is no where near the attention deserved or required in Switzerland, but the first change resides in the fact there uberhaubt is some continued attention. And while the majority of the attention is still finger pointing the problem to foreign individuals or the church, there is also pointing to the Swiss problem of silence on the subject of incest, allowing for only some 350 cases per year.
Keep the momentum going!
Belgium, France, and now Switzerland. I see the press in the UK and the Netherlands also beating around the subject. I see various new initiatives skyrocket on social media, from 0 to thousands of followers in just a few weeks.
It bears the question, is the subject of Child Sexual Abuse a subject to finally be spoken about in our societies? And if so, how are we going to deal with it? While all these initiatives seems to be heavily based on gender bias, at least there is movement on the subject.
The asphyxiation of taking up responsibility when calling out the problem.
As André Gidé said: “Believe those who seek the truth, doubt those who find it.”
In our ongoing seeking the truth, I think indeed we need to beware of who finds it. What will we do with it? Who’s going to attribute ownership to whom? Including accountability for the bound to be missteps?
The Church in Switzerland presents a noble initiative to create their own criminal court, but in doing so, as has happened in other countries, we know from experience the attempts to silence the scale of the problem may undoubtedly be part of the agenda.
I could also refer to child protection services, NGO’s, and justice systems not dealing with abuse because they value their own and the perpetrator’s position higher then doing the right thing for children and victims.
Like so many subjects in our societies, those who help fuel the advancement are those who take the risk of reaching beyond the dream of stopping child sexual abuse. The risk I see is its commerce being handled by those who have no dealings, no feelings, no attachment to the victims when hardship for perpetrators will come along.
When it comes to Child Sexual Abuse, Paulo Coelho‘s dream sure sounds appealing.
Let’s start with the courage to dream of a child sexual abuse free world.
the (not) child abusing friend
A good friend of mine had a call one day to go to the police.
He’s been psychologically and physically abused for well over a decade by his wife, with several police interventions, before finally daring to press charges, and has kids. He presumed it was with regards to the ongoing investigations against his wife.
Upon arrival at the police he was immediately read his rights and arrested.
Someone had denounced him as being a potential risk of committing child sexual abuse.
His statement was taken, his phone was fully scrutinised, … the works.
You did read the first part right, he and his kids are victims of domestic abuse by his wife.
What had happened? He had a conversation about an upcoming trip with his son taking part in a sport competition, and conveyed how proud, supportive, … he was. I know in his place, I would do the same, be proud and stand by my kids in support of their talents and truthful wishes.
Yet a women who had been part of the conversation interpreted the fond backing and caring of a father towards his child as being suspect, and denounced him to authorities as a potential child sex offender.
Reverse the genders in this story, and be honest now. Do you think you would have the same feeling about what you’ve just read with the genders reversed?
Two things:
- one can not be careful enough, anyone can be a child sexual abuser. Your closest friend or your spouse can be, and I speak of personal experience too.
- the law acted strongly on a hunch allegation by a women against a man, and would never in a million years act the same way when switching the genders around.
women victim protectors, men perpetrators, always.
I had a conversation yesterday on social media with a lady who visited the CIIVISE presentation paper of September 21st. While she means well I am certain, I couldn’t help notice how she has been convinced child sexual abuse is a gender, man perpetrator, problem.
I tried to explain there are, give or take percentages, just as many
- boys and girls victims
- women and men perpetrators
I shared my view that the gender narrative will always make for paths of excuses, dismissals, victims not being heard.
I knew from her tone she was not going to let go. She calls herself in “colère” (rage) and identifies as “militante féministe et pour une vraie protection des enfants” (militant feminist for real child protection), implying her opinion current child protection does not protect children.
I sent her as an introduction on the subject the HAVOCA post on Female Perpetration of Child Sexual Abuse: An Overview of the Problem. It softly highlights how our societies profound belief a women, a mother, can never do harm to a child focuses our way of gathering data away from a neutral basis. I repeat the OECD’s capturing of policies for narrow interests ad nauseam:
We’re fanatically infatuated by our willing suspension of disbelief a women, particularly a mother, can not be a perpetrator of child sexual abuse. We dismiss the fact we are groomed to this idea from birth.
I’ve posted on Luiz Navarro de Britto for UNESCO in “education and alienation”, and how norms, values, roles and means are affected.
Child sexual abuse is a fine example. In our allegedly modern evolved societies, who is still today the first in line for privileged physical access to children, and conveying and teaching them emotions and thoughts?
How virulently claimed to be dismissible minorities may very well turn out to be majorities in reality.
The HAVOCA post says it all:
A widespread societal belief that female-perpetrated sexual abuse is improbable — particularly if the abuser was one’s mother — has made it especially difficult for survivors of female abusers to disclose their experiences and has left them with perhaps an even deeper sense of isolation.
Criss Jami wrote in Killosophy “How many people blame God for man’s atrocities, but wouldn’t dream of imprisoning a mother for her son’s crime?”
Isn’t there truth in the greater untouchability of women’s status compared to God’s status in the face of wrongdoing? Isn’t that the mirror of our society today?
further politically incorrect truths: the relationship between feminism and narcissism
In a letter dated April 23rd 1764 addressed to François-Joachim de Pierre, the cardinal of Bernis, Voltaire wrote: “Il y a des vérités qui ne sont pas pour tous les hommes, ni pour tous les temps.“
Looking around me, being it directly in my family or further afield, I notice how the only women smutted is my Tata. The medieval syndrome of witch burning, perhaps?
I came across research about the Impact of Feminism on Narcissism and Tolerance for Disagreement among Females
there was a significant difference in the levels of narcissism and tolerance for disagreement, among feminist and non-feminist females. And, it was observed that, feminist females elicited a higher level of narcissism with a mean of 2.92, as compared to non-feminist females with a mean of 2.31; and lower levels of tolerance for disagreement was found in feminist females with a mean of 39.00, as opposed to non-feminist females with a mean of 52.15.
I know more women who are abusive to children and/or men, even mothers continuing to be abusive towards their children post death by the ghost of former indoctrination, then I know men abusers. My personal life encounters and experiences are no basis for science, and I do know like seeks the company of kin.
I can’t help coming back to the feeling any gender base fuels the continuation of dismissal of victims, and benefits perpetrators. How right is Voltaire in describing the seeking of truth?
Being a fan of Agatha Christie‘s Hercule Poirot:
So tell me, why can we finger point child sexual abuse perpetrators when they are not part of the family, and can’t we when perpetrators are our most intimate ones: partners & parents?
the scapegoat culture in child sexual abuse: meet Calimero
Society seems to be moving in the direction of accepting to talk about child sexual abuse without shame. It allows for shameless finger pointing to others, and not have to look into one’s own responsibility. For it is the other, not us.
Men perpetrators abuse the calimero position thanks to false abuse accusations against men. Women perpetrators abuse the calimero position thanks to falsely dismissed women victims.
Regardless, I feel the ability to identify perpetrators as being others is a humongous step forward from the silence and omerta.
But we have a long way to go. In pointing the others we are pointing to 10% of child sexual abuse cases, the 90% happening in the family sphere. I’ve compared it to water spouts, a visible column connecting the unmeasurable extent of water in the sky and the sea.
Cherish this moment of advance, and movement in the right direction. Let’s hope it sticks, and we find it within ourselves to admit how wrong our assumptions were given the definitions set forth in the Terminology Guidelines for the Protection of Children from Sexual Exploitation and Sexual Abuse, so we may finally tackle the remaining 90% of Child Sexual Abuse.
